Please tell me what to do :-(

[Tonsiltennis]

I have a 7 year old with ASD, SPD, dyspraxia and he's struggling. He has problems transitioning activities, regardless of what they are, so getting dressed to go to the toy shop will be just as hard as getting dressed to go to school, unless he can wear exactly what he wants (very loose clothes and heavy shoes).
Then at school he holds it together and then nearly explodes at pick up and stays wound up till bedtime. He's not hyperactive but he's anxious. He's asked can he not go to school, and tonight we talked about his behaviour after school and he said "maybe I should get a new mummy because I am so bad."

School is being supportive but they expect a lot from him. My instinct is to wrap him up and keep him home but what if the problem is me?

My husband is against home ed, and I'd still be on the school run because he has younger siblings so there would still be the toing and froing. They are happy at school.

I'm at a loss as to what to do to make his life easier!

That sounds hard. Your DH needs to come to school meetings with you to see for himself. Partners often comment from the side lines without experiencing the issues first hand. When they get a taste and realise their advice doesn't work, you can work together as a team better.

Asperger Experts website/YouTube talk about having a safe space where he can go after school to "decompress". He might be able to recover a little better like that?

With school, keep detailed records. Things the teacher says, he says/does. Get all his reports together and write a letter saying his SEN is more social & emotional rather than academic. List out all the professionals involved recently in his care. List out all the signs of stress at home and school. Say he's in a high risk group for future mental health problems and he needs support to mitigate problems before they escalate. Attach all the reports. It will not be a magic bullet but it should get the school's attention. If not, then your instinct to home ed might be the correct one. Also use the letter to kick off the process of applying for an EHCP. It's likely you will need to appeal at each stage but I'm realising that if none of us apply then the LA can say there is no demand - so there is no service provided - vicious cycle. At the least aim to have an EHCP in place so that transition to secondary is covered. Good luck