Day 3 back to school for DS and he's really struggling.

[BogeyBrain]

Hello.
DS started year 3 last week.
He has started a whole new school with people he doesn't know, although has managed to make 2x friends. Thank goodness.

DS has suspected aspergers. He was on the waiting list for assessment at our last address and now going through the process all over again at our new address. We are awaiting to see the paediatrician again! This is for a diagnosis.

DS biggest struggle is school. He hates it. He hates being out of his routine, he hates new things and has severe anxiety, along with other ASD traits. We suspect he also has SPD. He doesn't like loud noises, gentle touch, etc.

So, we are day 3 into the new school year and DS isn't coping. I don't feel that his new teacher understands at all. I suspect she doesn't really know what aspergers is. At times, I am getting the impression that she feels DS is exaggerating. She has suggested I wait a week or two before speaking to the head and the SENCO. I don't think she realises that this isn't something that is just going to disappear. He has always been like this at school. Before we moved to this new address we was offered a one on one teacher for DS at school but we moved before they could get one in. I have a meeting with the head teacher and the SENCO on Wednesday morning to see if I can work with them to establish some help for DS as he has spent a while out of the classroom in these past few days in tears. He is finding it all very overwhelming and noisy.

Without a diagnosis, I don't know what I could suggest they do. I don't know who to contact about looking into a one to one teacher. What do I do? Can someone please help to point me in the right direction?

Although DS doesn't have a diagnosis yet, he does receive DLA. Should I mention this? Will it make a difference?

Thank you and I am so sorry for the huge post.

Sorry to hear you re having a rough time. If your ds has always been like that you need to tell them sooner rather than later , if this is new behaviour it might be worth waiting a short time for him to settle. Surely there will have been some paperwork passed from old school to new? If I were you I would ring old school and ask them to speak to new school about your ds needs but I guess it depends on how the old school were. If you do speak to new school you need to be completely honest about his behaviours you could tell them about planned 1:1 but that support is expensive and I'm guessing would need to be planned for. Good luck x

You could try reposting this in SN children or chat as it has slightly more traffic

My son had no diagnosis in year 3 but they still were able to respond to his difficulties with the sort of help they would have given a chld with a diagnosis of Asperger's/HFA. He was put on SAplus straightaway for BESD. He didn't have 1:1 help except in the form of nurture/social communication sessions as he wasn't lashing out, except in the playground, where he was supported with various things like friendship busstop, Lego club, ping pong group and supervisors were aware he was in need of help not rebuke, if he got upset with playground rules etc.

What I am trying to say is that you DON'T need a diagnosis at this stage to get the school to provide support, it is his needs they should be supporting not a diagnosis. In the meantime they should be bringing in an ed pysch or you should be asking for a referral to CAHMS by your GP with evidence from school to expedite it. They (school) don't do the referral directly in some cases, but they will be asked for all sorts of information which they should be helpful in showing what happens on worst day not best. Teacher said to me..yes most of the time he isn't as bad as this but we will tick this box to show what can go wrong when he is not given the right help - ifysim. We eventually got a diagnosis of ASD/HFA for the beginning of Year 5 after school flagging up difficulties in Year 3. In the meantime the school were definitely using autism friendly strategies. It can be done. Also I would ring up every single day and ask to speak to SENCO if ds2 was refusing to go into school due to anxiety over anything (ie spelling test, playground) That got a pretty swift response..as they do hate their attendance figures to be buggered up I would say, I will send him in if you can support him with this issue. And to their credit they did. I think you have to be pretty frank with the school and not let them think things are your fault or just slack parenting. Keep putting ball back in their court, whilst assuming (!)they do have the best interests of your ds at heart. Ds2's teachers were all very fond of him.

Good luck with the meeting, I'm sure if you go in with a clear idea of what you need for ds and not just letting them talk of him settling in (transition type difficulties are part and parcel of autism so that would be a circular argument) it will be constructive.