My 4 year old dd and my concerns,please reassure me

[Cherrybells]

I need a bit of help/advice/not too sure what really!sorry if this is too long.
My dd is 4,she's amazing,wonderful,unbeleivable!!
But a few things are starting to ring alarm bells but I don't know if I'm seeing something that isn't there IYSWIM.

Few things that are becoming obvious since starting preschool and have been noted as a concern by her teacher mainly around her social interaction,she very frequently will not interact with any children in her sessions at school,she's happy but won't initiate play with anyone.happier sitting with her teacher.
-often can be 'aloof',I've always thought of her as being in her own little world,so for example at a party won't play with other children but will join in on her own terms,will have enjoyed herself though.
-very early to talk,huge vocabularly from an early age,always grammatically correct,corrects her brother and anyone else if they don't pronounce words properly or use the correct grammatical term.
-almost a photographic memory,has always been able to recall events,people,clothes she wore on particular days,this has been apparent
for a very long time.
-only child in her class on reading book
-obsessed with books,jigsaws
-drawing skills unbelievable
-hates having her hair brushed,won't tolerate hair bobbles or clips for more than 30 mins or so
-overreactions to being told to do tasks,very
emotional
-very heightened state of fear,nervous and quite jumpy
-physically cannot sit still,ever ever ever!!

Can anyone recognise this behaviour?or am I just imagining stuff?
Thanks

Hi polter,Thankyou so much for replying to me!
I haven't done a huge amount of reading,very small bits online because I haven't really known what to look for.

This has come about in a bit of an odd way I think,actually dh mentioned autism last year,but I completely dismissed the idea because I don't beleive she is autistic.I don't know much about it but a colleague of mine has a dd with autism and she has very complex needs,cannot talk,won't make eye contact and is very different in her behaviour to my dd.

However I think what DH may have meant is some kind of spectrum issues but we had only heard of autism before,reading online about aspergers recently has made me question things again.

Dd has very 'mild' behaviours compared to some children I have read about but I think my concerns are mainly about school,she is physically unable to sit still,she is seriously constantly moving,fidgeting etc and I think she's been told off a few times and now I'm thinking if she really can't help it then I don't want her to get labelled naughty or get told off if it's a natural thing for her.but what can I do about it?

Another thing I forgot to put in my first post is that she still puts things in her mouth,sucks her sleeves on her uniform which has been mentioned by her teacher.I'm constantly getting things out of her mouth.

And is a habitual nail biter,hair twister and often won't show if shes in pain,very aware of being embarrassed.

I'm not sure what we want to achieve really either.does that make sense?

I would ask your GP to refer your DD to a developmental paediatrician and do not take no for an answer.

Keep a diary and note everything no matter how minor. How does she play with others, is it parallel play?. Does she use toys in other imaginative ways (e.g use a banana as a phone)?. All such details should be noted.

I cannot of course diagnose anything but my first thought on reading your description of DDs behaviours was that she could be somewhere on the autistic spectrum.

Thankyou Attila,I will start to keep a diary,that's a great idea,we have always seen her funny quirks as just 'her' IYSWIM?!she's very funny,caring,loving and clever.

I have said before to people she's a complex character,she has a very acute sense of danger,won't participate on activities that she deems unsafe-although she hasnt used that word I know that's what her fears are.

When she was a tiny baby she never wanted to be held or cuddled after feeding,she was restless,one day we just said put her in her Moses basket and leave her-that's exactly what she wanted!she was content on her own and happy to have some space.

This will sound silly but from the day she was born it was noted how alert and observant she was,seriously the difference between her and her brother was unbeleivable.he just slept and chilled,she was taking everything in and storing in her brain!

She became much happier when she could talk and communicate

Hi Cherry and welcome to the board

I have an 11 yr old daughter with Asd, she is very bright, spoke in sentences early. No babble, was clearly different from an early age and although she is academically able school is very hard for her to cope with.

She has sensory issues related to her Asd, she never stops moving and rarely stops making a noise of somekind, humming, whistling, or talking.

I am not suggesting that your Dd has Asd but be mindful that many of the books and articles you read are written about boys and even the diagnostic criteria was written with boys in mind. Until recently many professionals didnt even believe that girls could have Asd!!

Tony Attwood has written quite alot about girls on the spectrum, try googling "Girls with Aspergers" you should get some interesting articles.

I agree about reading and keeping a diary.

Good luck

Hi ineed-yes I will certainly look at Tony Attwood,sounds interesting.why were girls not thought to have asd?

How have you dealt with your dd at school with the constant moving etc?And if you don't mind me asking as you said your dd is very intelligent what aspects of school does she find difficult?

I have no idea why proffs thought girls couldnt be autistic but it was common.
I think it was mainly concerning high functioning girls as they learn to copy NT girls and are often more motivated to be social than boys with HFA or Aspergers.

Also it is common for girls to learn to mask their difficulties to try to fit in, this is hard work though and can impact on mental health

Dd3 has been quite lucky at school in that the teachers she has had either dont notice that she moves all the time or just ignore it, she is in an inclusive school which has a resourced provision for physical disabilities so the teachers are working with children with tremors and cant keep still.

She trashes her shoes by constantly dragging her feet backwards and forwards on the carpet while she is working or sitting on a chair but of course the teachers dont notice that!!

Dd3 really struggles with anxiety at school! She hates shouty teachers, especially those that change the rules! She hates changes to her timetable too. She is not able to talk to adults when she is anxious and saves all her stress until she gets home, which is remarkably common with children with Asd.

Great reading list from polter

Not sure how secondary will be with her,

Oh wow Thankyou polter!!
That's going to be my Easter holiday reading I think!
Also feel incredibly guilty for having shouted at her so much for her behaviour sometimes

Ineed-Thankyou,that's very interesting to read about girls copying behaviour,dd plays mainly in a copying role,pretends to be other children from school,teachers,dance teacher etc and acts out as if she's them.
She has found a way of getting her brother to play better with her and it's always by pretending to be another boy so that he interacts better with her.
Couple of other things that might be worth noting are her fear of loud noises,and innparticular using hand dryers causes huge distress even the 'threat' of another person using a hand dryer in a public toilet often results in great distress.

Really!that's funny because it's just something we thought was another of her little quirks!

I am going to read more in depth,is it then just a case of me going to my gp?do I take her with me?

Yes,we have already bought ear defenders!we went to an event and have been used since for going To watch fireworks and a few times at the cinema!

Yes I guess kids are just similar aren't they even with their differences if that makes sense?!

Another here that thinks it's worth while see dev pead. A few things resonated with me that are similar with my DS. (Currently in system for poss HFA/AS)

Constantly making noise
Doesn't sit still (although does now at 9yo if he's engaged)
No recognition of pain/ high threshold
Corrects mistakes in what people say
Chewing everything

Your DD sounds amazing. She clearly has some extremely developed skills - these can mask skills she's not developed.

Oh and noise too. Balloons pooping, fireworks, tills beeping in supermarkets.

And yesterday we added the indicator on the car (think ASDA after school was a sensory overload too far!)

Dd3 doesnt just struggle with the hand dryers in public loos but the smell too!! She just cant stand it and now she is older will refuse to go in, which is awkward if you are out for the whole day!!

She has a radar key now, she made herself ill by refusing fluids at school because she hates the toilets so much