Hair brushing or tidying up- dd is refusing and getting very upset

[Toots38]

DD aged 3 has never been a fan of a hair brush but would tolerate a little sing song and brush every morning until recently. Now it's impossible.she gets so upset that her colour starts to drop. Even the sight of the hairbrush or tucking her hair out of her eyes starts her panicking.
I've tried:
Brushing mine in front of her , letting her brush mine, brushing a dolls hair, singing a song, only approaching her from the front so it's not a surprise.
It's now a complete mess. Full of huge knots ( the curse of curly hair).
Does anyone have any ideas? Food rewards won't work as DD is fed via gastrostomy.
I need help, she's looking like a wild animal!

Thanks Poltergoose. I'm thinking I need to cut out the knots and start 'afresh'. As it's curly it won't be a bob, more like a ' halo'. Hahaha. I'd not thought about using weighted items. I will give this a try.

Dd3 also has sensory issues, we bought a tangle teaser which was pricey as hairbrushes go but is more gentle and doesnt even look quite so hairbrushy.

I also do head massage before I brush and it makes a huge difference, apparently it helps to desensitise the scalp.

Dd3 has really think, quite long hair, she brushes it herself daily and I give it a really good brushing after she has her shower 2 or 3 times a week. Somedays she does look tatty but she doesnt care so I have learned to chose my battles.

In my experience, thick, curls are more easily tamed with a decent brush, lots of conditioner and a pony tail, short hair didnt work for Dd3. Think Crystal Tips and Alice if you are ancient like me

Good luck

On OT advice, we used one of those knobbly massage brushes to help de-sensitise DS1, when he got to a point when he scalp was getting sore because he was so hairbrush avoidant. He complains that normal hair brushes hurt. I invested in a Tangle Teaser for DS2 (long hair, loves having it brushed) before Christmas and DS1 is actually reasonably OK with it. It helps to damp his hair with a wet sponge first (and spray in detangler on top of that really helps, if it's tolerated) and I sometimes have to hold onto him rather tight to achieve it (not easy, as he's 10 and getting big) but he fights it a lot less and I can usually do a deal to do, say, 10 strokes then I'll leave him be. He doesn't find that oen painful, at least - just hates having his head touched.

I've also noticed that he's more tolerant to a comb than a standard hair brush.

Actually, if it's curly, a tangle teaser probably isn't the way to go. Have you tried an afro comb?

DS has very curly hair. I used to put a film or game on my iPad and brush as he watched/played. It still always looked messy. I have now bought a tangle teaser and only use it in the bath/shower to comb through conditioner before rinsing.
It actually works, his hair will look ok for up to 3 days after being washed. I usually wash his hair every other day, but when we visit family for a weekend, I leave it.
If he's managed to get the back frizzy I just spray water or detangling spray directly onto the tangle teaser and just brush the messy parts. They soon return to curls.

my dd hates having her hair brushed. our ot recomended a tangle teaser brush but we havent had much joy with it, in fact dd has hidden it
I now brush her hair after ive washed it and then french plait it straight away. every morning I just quickly redo the plait without brushing it and it manages to keep her hair looking tidy enough and most importantly knot free.

If she's OK with you touching her head/hair, then perhaps some serum before you attempt brushing might help lubricate the knots and tangles. We've had a lot of sucess with oleo relax serum from kerastase when dealing with DD2's troll hair. (you know those troll figures with the crazy hair - thats dd2 except hers is a more normal colour....)

Mind you it is eyewateringly expensive, but it has worked better than anything else not just at making brushing easier but also reducing how knotty it gets. It is also one of the few serums we tried that we could apply repeatedly without her hair becoming an oil bomb....

I'd suggest liberal amounts of leave in conditioner and a quick whizz through with an Afro comb. That works nicely on my fidget of a 2 year old with curly hair. That and running fingers through. The great thing about curly hair is it can hide tangles much better. Although I get that it isn't nice to have to deal with a mass of tangles instead of curls.

Thanks for all the responses. I should have said we have had the TT for some time along with a variety of other hairbrushes.... All have failed.
I think I will try the weighted item on shoulder and de sensitising her scalp with a knobbly thing. I'll get the serum too,I was trying to use john frieda frizz ease on her to no avail. Also the Afro comb.
Thanks for all the input I feel like now I have a plan going forward. I don't want her to be super tidy and cute curls all the time, just to look less like a Dickensian street urchin!

My daughter is 16, curly and still hates having her hair brushed.

Have tried tangle tamers, teasers and Afro combs. Have just bought a wet brush from Amazon and use it with original sprout miracle detangler, I only wash it once a week and the rest of the time just spray and try to rearrange with my fingers!