Finally had ds1 privately assessed and he's 10 and a half.
He was assessed at 6 by the same person who said dyslexia or immaturity and we didn't get a report. School wasn't remotely interested.
Ds continued having issues though performance being pretty average he didn't get any help.
I asked and asked
He failed his 11 plus
finally school senco took it on to test him again and got in the specialist last month who did a prelim test showing an IQ in the top 3-5%
Today he has had a full private assessment again with her and he is dyslexic, though has some pretty good coping strategies it seems - a lot of it has been addressed, somehow, so he has caught up a bit - also borderline dyspraxia and borderline auditory memory weakness.
Slow information processing and clerical function etc
Is school going to be willing to listen to me now? How can we best use this to appeal for a secondary grammar place? and most importantly, how can I make him feel better about himself, because he has been waiting years for a diagnosis - he asks me all the time - and I am grateful that at last it isn't just my fault he has some trouble with stuff (as my family have always said). 
I just want to help him, and I have spent too many years frustrated at him, and him at himself, and where do we even begin to make things better?