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SN children

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Original poster

Do your SN children tell the truth?

17 replies

jandymaccomesback · 28/09/2011 11:09

I quite often read threads on here with comments about things children have said at school and I think "If DS said that I would have no way of knowing if it was true". I have always found his perceptions to be different from those around him and had to question other parents or ask for another adult's view. He is improving, but when he was younger we knew things were true if he repeated them in the tone of voice the other person had used, otherwise we were never sure.
People say things like "people with ASD can't lie". Is that your experience?

OP posts:

IndigoBell · 28/09/2011 11:23

ASD kids can def get things wrong!

For example they often think they're being bullied when they've misinterpreted what's happening around them. So their report of what happened will be wrong.

You're quite right to be sceptical of what your DS says happens.

signandsmile · 28/09/2011 11:24

mine doesn't, but that's because he doesn't understand that he could. . No theory of mind means he will say 'go way mummy', and I say no, because you want me to go away so you can do X or Y (naughty thing). and he says 'yes'. .

He often misunderstands, or doesn't notice, so does not give correct information, so I am also checking with other people, but as far as deliberate out right lie, no, not yet...

lisad123 · 28/09/2011 12:21

DD1 who is 8 started to learn about lying to get herself out of trouble about a year ago, but sucks at it she doesnt lie about others or situations.

DD2 doesnt lie, but stretches to truth some days

tabulahrasa · 28/09/2011 12:30

DS isn't reliable in that his perception isn't always right and he might completey forget key pieces of information but - he is always truthful as far as he sees it - he doesn't intentionally lie

ineedstrongcoffee · 28/09/2011 13:04

DS doesnt lie,cos basically he hasnt got that level of understanding.However he does say hes done things that he hasnt,but he does that because hes trying to say what he would LIKE to happen.
But same as jand we only know if what hes saying is right by the tone.We were really shocked when he echoed to us with a beautifull welsh accent until we met his new teacher

Spiraling · 28/09/2011 13:30

ds (HFA) is a v. at lying, and planned. He claimed a boy had bitten him, convinced 4 teachers, so the boy lost his playtime. When they showed me the bite, it had come from his brother the day before, we were all especially as he had thought about it and he wanted to get the boy in trouble, ds says this boy is alway nasty to him. The teachers believed being ASD he could not lie, now they are going to question everything. I always thought they made up there own interpretations for things and believed that, but this was different, maybe it was the force of injustice he felt but...

Now i'm not sure whether to be pleased or not, that he lied, can clearly act, or deliberately getting someone into trouble. But ds lost his playtime the following day.

bigbluebus · 28/09/2011 14:17

ds (14) hfa tells lots of lies - mostly to get himself out of trouble - or when he perceives he will be in trouble. Doesn't do it at school now as has realised that when they ask him if he did XYZ it usually means that they already know that he did and just want him to own up to it.

At home though he would lie to the ends of the earth about the most trivial things eg eating all the crisps out of the cupboard, or opening a packet of cold meat in the fridge to snack on. He would rather have a shouting match and storm off than just say - yes it was me. (which we know that it was as DD doesn't eat (gastrostomy) and you can tell from empty packaging/ way packet has been opened that it was DS.)

He used to tell huge white lies when he was at primary school about things such as exotic holidays we had been on (i wish). Has realised he will get found out about that in this one horse town - so doesn't do that either now!

graciousenid · 28/09/2011 15:06

ds (5 ASD) lies, it started with lies to get out of/avoid trouble & now he's starting to construct tales about other people (mainly dd2) doing naughty things. It isn't lying to get her into trouble, at the moment it is fanciful justifications for hitting her but it will be interesting to see how it develops.

Financialworryontop · 28/09/2011 16:34

Ds (6) has told one lie to get his sister into trouble - screamed out 'ow ow X you are really hurting me', when he didn't realise his sister was stood next to me in the other room.

He was rather sheepish after the event.

Other than that he is brutally honest.

Minx179 · 28/09/2011 17:06

DS 2 (16) didn't start telling lies until he was about 12. He is still not very good at telling them now, as even when the lies are plausible, he will come back later and tell me or his brother the truth.

Triggles · 28/09/2011 17:40

DS2 (6) doesn't lie, that I can tell. But he misunderstands, mishears, makes up (in a "we're going to disneyland paris" when we're really not sort of way because he's seen it on the telly and so he thinks EVERYONE is going), insists something is a certain way simply due to his perception.... but I don't think he has the comprehension required to actually lie at this point.

I think with him the problem is also that he will answer with whatever pops into his head, whether or not it's correct, simply because he may not know the correct answer, may not have understood the question, or simply knows you're waiting for an answer to something and says whatever comes to mind - related or not.

Which rather means we can't take whatever he says as gospel truth as we never quite know where it's come from.

unpa1dcar3r · 28/09/2011 18:11

Sometimes. Eldest generally tells the truth but youngest gets things muddled up.
he told me once that he wasn't allowed to go swimming at school the next day as he'd killed another child. Big long story from him about what happened. i said i thought it fair enough that he couldn't go swimming if he'd killed someone, seemed a just punishment...
Checked with school the next day (I knew he hadn't killed anyone of course but needed to find out what happened). Turns out nothing had happened, not a thing. he made it all up!

moosemama · 28/09/2011 20:07

Ds1 (9) starting experimenting with lying (and stealing sweets from the sweet jar which kind of went hand in hand) at around the age of 7/8, but was very bad at it and got himself in big trouble a couple of times, which fortunately put him off.

He doesn't tend to do it anymore really, with the exception of when he and his brother have had a fight with his brother and they are both saying the other one was the one that did X. So it tends to be to get himself out of trouble rather than a planned deliberate lie, iyswim.

Fortunately my catching him out a couple of times when he'd stolen sweets out of the jar (which is waaay up on the top shelf out of his reach) served to confirm his belief that, I do indeed automatically know everything he thinks and does, so now he doesn't bother with that either, as he assumes I would know if he did!

ArthurPewty · 28/09/2011 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmberLeaf · 28/09/2011 20:25

My son who has ASD can tell some v convincing fantasy type 'lies', he convinced a teacher at his new school that we'd lived in another country that we have never even visited!

But if you ask him about something that was said or happened or that he said/did you will get the truth, if he does something he knows he shouldnt have he will sing like a canary!

He is truthful to the point of it being embarrassing sometimes, like he will comment on a persons wig 'thats not real hair mum' etc

davidsotherhalf · 29/09/2011 08:24

my dd can't cope if she tells lies, she has tried and cannot sleep, eat, until she puts it right. a few months ago she wanted to trade some games in to buy a new one, we went to the local market to get a trade in price, the man told dd take the games to game station and get a price from them and come back and i will better the offer, dd did this but game station offered her £20, she told the market man they offered her £22....he gave her £25 for the games, when we got home she burst into tears, as she had lied, she insisted on going back to the market to tell the man she was sorry and she had lied. the market man was great, he said i was going to give you £25 for them anyway,the man tried to explain what she did was called business and getting the best price etc.....she said she don't like business if it involves telling lies,

Original poster

jandymaccomesback · 29/09/2011 10:58

ineedstrongcoffee ds went through a long (and tedious) phrase of sounding like Jeremy Clarkson! Think I'd prefer the Welsh teacher.
amberleaf ds did Social Skills at school and now tells me off if he thinks I have said something I shouldn't

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