PDA - Jekyll and hyde?

[Just10moreMinutes]

Hi, having an awful, awful morning with my DD (nearly 4). She is currently stomping around the house screaming and crying because she didn't like the toast I gave her. Insists we have different bread in the house - even though we truly don't. Can now hear things being thrown around in her bedroom.

Have tried to break into her mega outburst (puppets sometimes work), but she is like an out of control animal and think I am just going to have to let it subside on its own.

The morning started badly - couldn't even get her to nursery because of clothing issues - for example was scratching her neck until it bleed because she didn't like the feeling of her t-shirts (ones she wore all last week happily).

Yesterday at a friend's house she was a complete delight and I thought I was mad to be taking her for an assessment - friends think the problem is all in my head.

We suspect she has PDA - has anyone else experience of this sort of wildly differing behaviour?

Please help...

no direct experience of PDA (our issues are more language/social autistic traits) but the now you see it now you don't type behaviour, with some great days and some awful days is fairly typical of autism spectrummy type issues, I'm afraid. certainly DS behaviour is usually marvellous with my close friends and their kids, as I think it's where he's happiest iyswim, one of my friends didn't belive my DS ever had tantrums and thought I was making it up to make her feel better about her NT kids (!)

I imagine that the house setting is a lot less anxiety provoking than nursery as well, as I understand it anxiety seems to be at the root of PDA type behaviour?

Thanks for your reply - thinking of buying a video camera to record this sort of episode. Lots of outsiders think she is such a happy child but in reality I think she is very angry and very anxious.

She is still raging - so upset she is past screaming, now grunting.

This isn't what I thought motherhood was going to be like - I was so happy to be pregnant - at moments like this I feel it was all a big mistake.

Yep, this is a common morning with DS1, though his diagnosis is ASD and ADHD.

And he's almost 7 and the entire village has been witness to his tantrums, by now, since something as simple as him changing his mind about what drink or snack he wants me to take when I collect him from school can unleash a whole day's worth of stress, anxiety and anger on the world.

I don't think people can really imagine how distressed he gets, though, until they do see it and then they're quite frightened and upset by it (quite rightly!) My SIL told my husband "you don't know what she's like" when he was refusing to help her with something that niece was nagging for but too young for and he refused, saying she just needed to step up to the plate and be a parent about the matter. He offered to lend her DS1 for a day to give her a bit of a clue about how difficult her daughter really is in the grand scale of things!

In the grand scheme of things - mixing my metaphors, somewhat!

Lenin,

speaking form years of having to cover every possible eventuality for dd1, you do get used to thinking of every little thing, and working out the various routes events can take.

are you and dp similar in outlook, and ways of thinking?

I ask because I am someone who: thinks through everything, needs everything nailed down, need to know that I have thought of every possible variation, and a way to cope with it. I need this, to be able to ge tthrough the day. It si exhausting, but it works for me. Knowing I have thought through everyhting leaves me with enough space to cope if somethig unfreseen does happen.

dh, on the other hand, is much better than me at thinkng "hmm, let's try it this way" - brings me out in a cold sweat just typing that

BUT, as long as communication between dh and me is going ok, we do compliment each other well. I nail down as much as I can in the morning (eg if we are going out for the day), including planning meals and snacks (dietary issues), and knowing where we are going/stopping/toilet areas etc. he then takes over and does all the "winging it" stuff that happens - secure in the knowledge that the basics are covered. we both lay to our strebgths, if you like.

it took a while, but once you get a routine going, it does make things easier to cope with.