Can anyone share advice about helping NT siblings deal with SN child?

[LightlyKilledCrunchyFrog]

DD is 7.

DS1 is 5 and has HFA.

He is a beast to her, an absolute goblin.

She is not coping well - lots of aches and pains, wibbly teary moments, school have said several times that she has lots of crying jags in school. She's miserable, essentially.

XH and I split a year ago, he is here every other weekendish to see them, which should be increasing soon I hope.

I don't know what to do. DS1 is often hurting her, also keeping her awake, screams at her when she breaks "the rules" (only he is allowed to know the rules, of course)

Anyone else BTDT?

from what I've looked at most of the young carer's stuff doesn't kick in until they are a bit older - my dd is 6 and is currently finding life hard with dd2 who is 4 and has cerebral palsy with lots of bahavioural issues. We've found the best thing is to make sure the older child has a little bit of time every now and again without the SN sibling. We sometimes get the younger one to sleep then bring my 6 year old back downstairs and we let her watch her favourite programme for 15 mins or sit with her on the computer. We have talked to the school and asked them to give her a bit of extra tlc, they have responded really well and looked for chances to praise and support her. We also talk to her and her know it's ok to be fed up with having a disabled sister. I think it's important to let them know that it's ok to be worried or fed up. Sorry not much help I know, we're really just muddling along the best we can.

Yes we have sibling issues here but in my house it's younger Dd3[8] who is [possibly] on the spectrum and older NT Dd2[15] who is finding it hard to deal with. Dd1[22] has left home.

Dd3 is very rule bound [for others] and Dd2 breaks the rules all the time [typical 15 yr old]. She just doesn't get that if she does something in front of Dd3 she will tell me.

To be honest they are a nightmare together, we have house rule posters but I guess your youngest is a bit little for these.

Sorry no advice really just that you are not alone and someone will probably have more useful advice than me.

Thanks guys x

Dc2 goes to childminder after school some days to get some respite from dc1's abnormal behaviour . She gets 'spoiling' from CM & older kids there too, which she needs but I can't risk at home.