Worried about DS1 (11)

[3monkeys]

My DS1 is 11 and in year 6. He;s always been 'eccentric' and socially awkward, to the extent where I couldn't bear to take him to things like football cos he looked so different to everyone else. He was a terribly difficult toddler and had huge meltdowns until about 5 1/2.

We took him to see a paed in yr 1 and were told that although he had some difficulties, he was not autistic/Aspergers becuase he had 3 friends and had maintained those friendships for 18 months.

Things have settled down in recent years, football has been a godsend as it's quite an acceptable obsession! However, socially I am quite worried , especially with a change of school coming up, and am wondering whether it would be worth trying to get him assessed again or if anyone has any tips? All his classmates play out a lot, and when they knock for him, he will sometimes go out. But he will never go of his own free will and I feel he's getting left behind as they go further and further.

Sorry that's a bit long and rubbish as it's late! The tantrum at bedtime tonight got me worrying again

I'd do a bit of reading on Asperger's if I were you. Have you seen Tony Attwoods 'The Complete Guide to Asperger's SYndrome?'. It could help you identify traits to help with the diagnosis if you decide to try again.

If you think the transition will cause problems you need to get support in place regardless of whether he has a dx.

Contact the new school and ask for an appt with the SENCo. Explain your concerns and his needs and ask how they can best meet them.

I think it's worth getting him assesed again. Now at 11 things will look different to the paed than when he was 5.

It's certainly news to me that having friends means you can't have Aspergers. :)

(although when the paed asked my DS if he had any friends he said 'i'm not sure - how would I know?' :) )

Thankyou. Where would I ask for an assessment? The problem with speaking to his next school is that we don't know where he'll be going - we have the 11 plus in a few weeks.
I have read lots on asperger's - some of it is him to a tee, and some not. I've done some online questionnaire things late at night and he scores very highly in those

You need to ask your GP to refer him to a child development pediatrician.

When I read all about aspergers I thought my son definitely didn't have it - like you I thought he only had bits of it, but not enough to get a dx.

I was wrong. He ticked all the boxes - I just didn't know what to look for.

Good luck.

Thanks IndigoBell
Can I ask how old your DS is?
Does he go out and about or do you arrange friends to come over (or not bother, which is tempting to me!)

DS is 10. It is very very rare for him to be invited either to a birthday party or over to play.

We have a birthday part for him every year, and occasionally invite kids over. But mostly we don't bother.

Of all the symptoms of Aspergers, him having or not having friends worries me the least.

It's his high anxiety level which worries me the most. And we're doing lots and lots to work on this.

I probably should be more concerned about him making friends, but really it doesn't seem like a big deal to me.

He goes to scouts once a week, he goes to school, when we can force him to he goes to warhammer, so he is socializing all the time.....

I won't let him give up scouts, because I do think that he is learning good social skills there.

Thankyou, that's really helpful. My m-in-law says I should leave it but it worries me a lot!
DS1 is very rarely invited anywhere either but has a great time when he is. When people come here, I have to keep reminding him that he has a guest and to play with them, which is so frustrating. He thinks it's fine for his friend to play on the Wii and to leave them to it when he gets bored and do something else

I'd definitely seek another assessment.

You could have been describing my DS at that age. His Aspergers was totally overlooked by everyone and he wasn't dx'd until 15 by which time he was severely developmentally dealyed.

It's never too late

I worry that the diagnosis would be for me rather than him. Would it make a lot of difference to him?

It may help him understand why he is different (if he has noticed, or does in the future)

It may also help the school, and you, develop strategies to support him in managing his behaviour.

It matters a lot. He'll see his peers pulling away from him developmentally and will start to question why he feels 'different' and is being treated 'differently' by them.

Puberty is quite a difficult time for a child with Aspergers. it's when many of the previously unseen problems start to show themselves. A dx will help you get the support he will require.

Agree with wetaugust .. Ds certainly started to feel different, notice that he found it hard to have friends..
When peers called him alien freak and retard.. At least he could say.. Actually I have aspergers and it's really common.. He felt there was a logical reason for part of who he was and that there is help there for him on things he struggles with... But that also he is much better at some things than others because of it too ( there is always a good side to anything) and that's Important for him to know just as much as the harder work stuff.

It makes a big difference to self esteem.. And it's that so so important for our dc's