Would it be possible not to be diagnosed with aspergers until 13?

[claricebeansmum]

DS (13) is having a very rough time at the moment - various mitigating factors - but he just does not seem to have any anger management ability nor have any social intelligence. He often says completely random things or inappropriate. He finds it incredibly hard to fit in to any social circle let alone make friends. He has caused three incidents at school - one completely out of nothing and we are waiting to hear if he is to be expelled.

Academically highly able. He just does not seem to "get" socialising and is now friendless and very much an outsider. That said he does have quite sophisticated speech and can use irony and sarcasm (almost constantly) so that doesn't really fit the profile I have read about. He is dyslexic. And of course being 13 doesn't make him the most sociable person so be around anyway.

Two different people have questioned whether there might be something more to it. I have appointment with GP next week to ask where else we can go for support but was wondering if anyone else had experience of a diagnoses at such a relatively late stage. I'm not convinced but then don't have much experience of people with aspergers - just what I have been manically reading on the web!

Yes it is completely possible.
Many people with aspergers are not diagnosed until adulthood.I know a young man who was diagnosed at 22.
And the problem with these types of conditions is that they are highly moveable in terms of specific 'symptoms'. DS2 is very very affectionate and has a good sense of humour including pretending to be naughty yet he has severe autism.

Thanks pagwatch.

Have read through a couple of aspergers sites and it seems that diagnosis is a bit like dyslexia - there are certain traits but not everyone has the same and they can manifest themselves in different ways.

yes I think so. My ds has just been diagnosed at age 10. The differences between aspergers children and other children become more apparent as they get older I think,.

Your ds does seem very similar to mine (although mine doesn't get sarcasm. My ds has anger management issues, and the psychologists we have spoken to about this say that it is due to the stressful situation (in my ds's case - his school) that he is in. My ds has also been asked to leave the school because of his violent outbursts.

The other issue is that there are other social communication disorders which are (I think) on the same spectrum which aren't aspergers. As far as my ds is concerned it isn't clear cut for him whether he has aspergers as he is quite normal in some respects too.

clarice
If it helps at all the young man I know has been helped enormously by his diagnosis and the way it has allowed him to connect with how he reacts to the world.
He is late 20's now and has gradually become more confident and outgoing as he can explain himself to others and he feels that this is part of who he is - something that he can talk to others about rather than just feeling 'outside' of ordinary social groups.

Hope the GPs appointment goes well

I was diagnosed last year, at the age of 42(!). I also 'get' sarcasm and irony, and am academically able (I have a degree in Maths). Socially though I have to work really hard at making and keeping friends, and even now don't have many friends.

You can perhaps use this to get the expulsion put on hold. If he has Asperger's they HAVE to take it into account.

I have to go out shortly, but will check back later...

how did you go about getting diagnosed Mary? i think my dh has aspergers too.

So if he is diagnosed with aspergers do we get help? Should school cut him more slack?

He is already seeing a counsellor weekly to help him with his feelings and they have been working on anger management and CBT but that didn't work with the incident yesterday...I just don't understand because deep down I know that he really is a great kid. He is just doing and saying very stupid things but does not quite see it. He seems quite explosive.

So if I see my GP next week how soon could we get a diagnosis? And how is a diagnosis done? Am willing to go private/fling money at this as we are in critical situation with school coming to end of term and all.

going private might not help speed things along. We went private and got a diagnosis. But we can't get a statement etc without getting an NHS report. we got the private report in April and are still on the waiting list for the NHS.

It may be that you can get the school to hold off doing anything while you get your ds referred. Have you spoken to the school about what measures they can put in place to help your ds - eg giving him an opportunity to go to a quiet place if he feels that he is going to explode, or letting him spend breaks/lunchtimes inside?

hi claricebeans mum your ds sounds just like my ds11 i am waiting for my ds to be assessed and i am going to do it privately my ds also gets sarcasm and is very bright and able but just cant cope in huge school setting he has no friends either.good luck whatever you do

Thanks for your responses.

The school has said that he can go to the library at lunch and even get himself out of a lesson if he is struggling with the whole class. But on the other hand he is still trying to make friends so he continues to get himself into scrapes. He is trying so hard to make friends but just goes about the wrong way plus he now has a reputation whereby lots of kids don't want to be his friend.

My friends dd has just been diagnosed aged 15 - and it took her going to the Dr and suggesting it, despite clear SN and lots of intervention

My son's 10, I'm trying to get him diagnosed with aspergers. He can't cope well in large groups, he's silly. His language is very advanced, he's supersensitive, he does say it hurts him if he's tickled. He doesn't read people well and will continue to talk about a topic, even when the other person is really bored. He's unable to see another person's perspective and finds writing story's hard because of this. His maths/logic skills are amazing though. The senco suggested talking to the GP and trying to get an appointment with a paediatrician. He's now on the SN register even though it's not been confirmed yet and they are making a support plan for him at school.

I would teach your son to try and make only a few friends. There's bound to be people that like him as he is, I had this problem aswell, ds would try and make loads of friends, then he'd be silly so they would bully him. I told him to just stick with the people he knows and likes and he's getting on alot better now. He's better in class because he's happier at lunch time/pe/play time.

Yes definitely

I went to the GP who referred me to ARC in Cambridge. I was able to get referred under the NHS as I live in Cambridgeshire. I went to see the GP in April 2008, and received a dx in September of 2008.

Asperger's is a disability so they HAVE to make allowances and put in place measures to help him, under the Disability Discrimination Act.

Hi,
My name is Taima McDonald-Pizey & i have a fourteen year-old son with Aspergers, ( he was diagnosed at the age of ten years), i had to fight for him every step of the way!
It was at first believed that at around the age of eighteen months that my son was quite simply hyperactive & so he was put on a special diet by an American doctor, ( it was negligible as to whether it truly worked).
I saw some minor changes but never anything that i felt made a genuine difference, ( my son also has eczema & his skin was a little bit clearer for a while).
When he started school i was informed that my son was not a very good reader, did not socialise very well & appeared to be clumsy..but that he was highly-intelligent!
I felt as if the school did not really know my son as his reading when he was at home was excellent as he read his two elder sisters reading books, however soon an educational psychologist was brought in & he chose the wonderful book ' THE HUNGRY CATERPILLAR ' for my son to read to him.
I was astounded....my son read the book in an almost ' wooden ' fashion & acted as if he was tripping over even the simplest of words,.... i soon found out why!
I questioned my son outside the headteachers office & asked him why he had done what he had & he turned to me & said " WELL IF THE GUY IS GOING TO CHOOSE SUCH A STUPID BOOK & TREAT ME AS IF I AM STUPID THEN I AM GOING TO ACT AS IF I AM! I wanted to be angry with my son but obviously i couldn't because i realised just how he felt,.... he felt as if he were being insulted!
He hates writing long stories & reading actual novels but he loves reading books like ' THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS ' & anything to do with animal conservation, science, geography, the environment & music.
He talks for hours about music & the computer games that he loves,.... however he does not understand why others do not share his feelings on these things ( his chats are very long-winded & go into so much detail that others do tend to get very bored).
He needs constant reassurance as to how much he is loved, does not have sympathy regarding others feelings & thoughts, ( we have to ensure that we attempt to get him to understand others & why they feel the way they do), he is indifferent to taste ( all foods taste the same to him), his moods are very changeable, his sleep-patterns are tenuous ( he has nocturnal-awakenings) & he has certain forms of OCD & can appear sullen.
He also has acelerated growth ( which we are told is not uncommon) & as he gets older he may suffer from bouts of depression.
All i can say to you is this, do everything in your power to fight for your child ( never allow yourself to be talked down to, never allow your voice to go unheard & feel free to contact me again if you would like to), in general just stick with it because in the end it will all be worth it!

Take care & best wishes,
Taima.

I don't have personal experience, but do know it can happen. I was privileged to attend a seminar given by this lady some time ago. She is an amazing example to many of us. She wasn't diagnosed until she was about 40, by which time she had gained her degree, been married and had four children!

I wish you luck with your DS's diagnosis.

I was diagnosed a year ago, at the age of 42. I have a friend who's niece is query Asperger's, they are trying to get the Dr to refer for for a dx.

whose

Hi,
Interested to know what has happened since.
I am 46 and was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome 6 years ago. I asked my GP to refer me for a diagnosis. I now run my own autism consultancy.

Often, People with Aspergers have another condition, such as OCD which may mask diagnosis of Aspergers.

Children with Aspergers can claim DLA