Family members sensory needs conflicting

[CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease]

So DS is diagnosed with ASC and ADHD - lots of stimming and tics, very active and extremely loud.

DD has recently been assessed for ASC and awaiting outcome - she is very sensitive and anxious and cries a lot.

I have sensory processing disorder and am particularly sensitive to noise, and can get very overwhelmed by multiple simultaneous noises.

DH not diagnosed with anything but definitely has ADHD and possibly ASC. He has misokinesia and gets really distressed by excessive movement.

It is exhausting! There are days like today where DS is rocking and being loud, DH is distressed by the movement, DD is getting overwhelmed and crying, I’m then suffering due to all the noise! We’re all triggering each other and all on edge - it’s horrific!

Generally, my view is that DH and I as the adults need to self regulate and find a way to cope, and then we in turn can support the kids. DS is very oblivious and has minimal ability to manage himself. DD can manage more but I’m also aware she can mask and I don’t want to mistake that for being ok!

Any other families struggling with this? How do you manage it within your home? Any tips appreciated! Thanks ☺️

Noise cancelling headphones/earphones for you (and DH if he also struggle with the noise, I know misokinesia can often be alongside misophonia. DD too if she struggles with noise.). I have Bose noise cancelling headphones and could not be without them.

Do DS and DD share a bedroom?

Do you have any sensory equipment DS can use?

Is DD receiving any support with her anxiety?

Have any of you had sensory OT assessments? Has DS had a home OT assessment?

Thank you.

I do sometimes put headphones or earplugs in but I also have relentless tinnitus which is 100 times worse with headphones so it feels like I can never escape noise.

DH is actually hard of hearing and wears hearing aids so noise isn’t as much of an issue for him, or if it does get bad he takes his hearing aids out. But the movement sends him bananas.

No, DS and DD have their own rooms and they’re 4 years apart in age. They both hate being alone in rooms but they also struggle to be together. We tend to divide 1 adult with 1 child a lot of the time.

we’ve requested OT support but not received anything yet.

yes DD receives support for anxiety and DS has lots of sensory equipment available. I guess in the moment when everything collides it’s hard to get each person what they need as everyone is dysregulated!

It adds to your work in the short term, but I would try to keep a diary to help you spot patterns, triggers, signs and see what works/what doesn’t, so you can try to prevent everyone being dysregulated together. Not easy and certainly not always possible, but it is far easier to deescalate before DC reach the point of no return.

This suggestion is more noise in the short term so you might want to discount it, but would walkie talkies, 2 way monitors or cameras help DC to feel more comfortable in a room on their own. Assuming it is safe for them to be left alone at all, that is, which I know it isn’t for all DC.

It sounds incredibly overwhelming, and creating individual sensory-friendly spaces while prioritising your own regulation could help everyone feel more supported.

That sounds exhausting when everyone’s needs clash at the same time. I think having a quiet space where anyone can go to decompress, plus noise-reducing headphones and planned breaks, might help take some pressure off. It’s also okay to support the children while recognising that you and your DH have sensory limits too. You can’t pour from an empty cup.