How to support - Twice Exceptional child in primary school?

[dadmumplus10]

Gifted and talented in maths and sports - very strong in both areas as noted by teacher/s.

Suspected inattentive adhd & sensory struggles effecting social and self advocating.

Age 8 years boy, in state school currently not thriving, just getting by - we had an autism assessment which came back 'inconclusive'.

We tried a private school but they pushed him too hard and didn't cater to any Sen. Home educated, but lacked daily social input. He really thrived home ed with knowledge, following curiosity and learns at a rapid rate - hyper focus.

State school has been best by far, but cirriculum isn't great, current school very cliquey, jealous parents, hostile teachers, one really held him back last year and damaged his confidence.

I'm stuck for what to look for in a different setting. We want to move area/school - he's in Year 3 but operating at Year 4/5 level. He's drawn to older kids too, young kids aren't fulfilling him socially.

Has anyone navigated this?

I should just note, he has lost some of his confidence around his abilities too as he isn't being recognised and overlooked in the current setting, he has camouflaged in.

If you are looking for a school, I think it is more about the individual schools than a blanket e.g. state vs private, small vs large.

Has DS had EP, OT and SALT assessments? They would help you understand what type of support DS needs and what support from a setting DS will need.

Does DS have an EHCP?

Have you met with the SENCO? What support is currently being provided and what have they always tried?

I would be careful with “He's drawn to older kids too, young kids aren't fulfilling him socially” this part of your post. Being drawn to older DC can be a sign of difficulties with social interaction and social communication.

His current school are not being transparent at all about anything and I am considering requesting an SAR.

My DS has not had any EP, OT and SALT assessments.. NHS waiting times for anything where we live are horrendous.. i could look into these privately.

I haven't considered an EHCP as I don't understand full needs yet, just sensory.

I think SALT, OT and EP assessments would help.

For SALT and OT, you could ask the for NHS referrals. However, they can have long waits and provide limited support. Not all ICBs commission sensory OT on the NHS.

You could ask the school about an EP assessment. However, in the current climate, they are very unlikely to agree to this.

If you request an EHCNA and the LA agree to assess, they can be part of the EHCNA.

If you look privately and may look at requesting an EHCNA at any point, I would make sure you use someone who has experience of writing Tribunal standard reports.

You don’t need to fully understand needs before requesting an EHCNA.

Thank you very much for the information

Have you considered flexi-schooling? If he thrived with home ed but benefits from the social aspect it might give a good balance. I'd try it in the current school first and see if things improve, he's already had a lot of changes for such a young child.
ETA Id look at a sensory integration assessment from a private OT. You're unlikely to get one one the NHS.

I’d look for a school that can offer flexibility with learning, rather than focusing only on whether he’s working above his year group. A supportive SENCO who understands gifted children with possible ADHD and sensory needs could make a real difference. I’d also ask how they build confidence, support friendships and allow children to work at different levels without making them feel singled out.

Which sport does he enjoy? If he is gifted (talented?) at a sport, an alternative to trying to find the perfect school could be to focus on moving near a good club/training centre for his chosen sport. If he is talented and focused on his sport, he probably needs to train most days, so school would then need to fit around his training needs and the sport should fulfill him socially. He'd also encounter a larger age range at a club/training centre. My children do online school, many of their friends are semi-professional sports people (mostly motorsports and tennis, but also gymnastics, skiing, football, equestrians) and online school works well around it and also offers mentoring for elite competitors, they get a mental coach as part of the school fees to work weekly on confidence, positive thinking, endurance, dealing with pressure etc. One of my children is a fairly talented (unfortunately not very dedicated) musician and music was a good way for her to socialise with older children. Like your son she was never interested in 'playing with children'. She joined a senior orchestra aged 12 where most members were 16plus. She enjoyed being in the senior orchestra much more than in the younger section and even went away on tours and residentials with the older age group but couldn't stand being away with chatty 'young kids who stay up all night to talk and be silly'. So she declined playing for the NCO but then gave the NYO a go at 13 and that was alright. So what I want to say is that school can be really difficult for some kids but that there are more places out there to grow confidence and make friends, and that school can be something that fits around things and play second or third fiddle rather than being the main focus. Not fitting into school also doesn't mean that there is something 'wrong' with the child. They might not need to be labeled 'disabled' or even 'different' (although a diagnosis might help with support in school and self understanding, but we never got one - we are still on waiting list after 6 years after moving county twice, and by now I'm tempted to take her off the waiting list as she doesn't present with social interaction differences anymore as the rest of her peers have caught up socially and she is now popular and has many good friends). Many gifted children are not fitting in very well at school but are perfectly 'normal', 'socially successful' and exceptionally capable and robust in different settings.

Did the autism assessment give you any pointers what next?

If you're considering assessments, I'd first go for an educational psychology/cognitive assessment due to his profile and suspected ADHD plus inconclusive autism result. OT is a good second option.

Have a look at Coram Potential Plus too.

Thank you all

It looks like you’re doing the right thing for your boy. I can’t stop thinking about what I read in the book “why can’t my child do that” by Geoff Bagwell and it could help you too. The author used to work in school and gives us examples of inside school. To say the least it’s not really like parents think it is. It’s was mind opening.