Reception, possible additional needs and “not school ready” – looking for other parents’ experiences

[Myahfrost]

My son has turned 4 in August and started Reception this September. He’s youngest in the class. He enjoys school and seems settled, but I’m feeling confused and worried about some of the things school have said.
They’ve said he can find it hard to join in with activities and carpet time. He often has a TA with him; they say he’s usually fine with one-to-one support, but without it he doesn’t always engage and may not join in. However, he does join in sometimes. His teacher says some days he’ll do an activity without a problem, and other days the same approach won’t work. I’ve also seen photos of him taking part in a group activity.
School have mentioned that he doesn’t always seem to recognise social boundaries. For example, he may get very close to the teacher, try to hug her or sit on her lap while she’s teaching, or find it hard to stay with the class on the carpet. At home, he can be very much on his own agenda and struggles with some instructions and transitions. He doesn’t tend to choose adult-led activities like drawing, writing, phonics or number activities, although he learns through play and things he enjoys.
The SENCO has said he may have additional needs, but that he’s too young to tell and they think he isn’t quite school-ready yet. They’re going to monitor him. I understand he’s only four and children develop differently, but I don’t know whether to wait and see or ask for more advice or an assessment. I’m also trying to understand whether continuing part-time and repeating Reception next year would help him, as school have said they’re supportive of that option.
I’m worried he might be struggling without us understanding why, but I don’t want to jump to conclusions either. Has anyone’s child been similar at this age? Did things become clearer with time, or did you seek an assessment? What helped you work out what support to ask school for? I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences.

School have said he may be too young and not ready so it’s hard to tell.

It is great the school is on the ball.

Personally, I would start the ball rolling for assessment now rather than hist monitor.

Other than the 1:1 support you mentioned, what support is the school providing? Are they going to refer onwards? Are they going to bring in outside agencies?

Are they going to request an EHCNA? If DS is needing a significant amount of 1:1, an EHCNA is definitely needed. A. EHCNA will help everyone understand DS’s needs better and know what support he needs.

Did DS go to nursery? If so, how was that?

Did DS have some transition visits before the summer holidays? If so, how did they go?

Thanks, this is really helpful. I’m very new to all of this, so I don’t know what support or referrals I should be asking about yet.

I should clarify that he doesn’t have a dedicated 1:1. A TA supports him if he needs it, but school haven’t explained exactly what support they’re providing or what they plan to do next. They’ve said they think he may have additional needs, but also that he’s very young and not quite school-ready, and they’re going to monitor him. I’m assuming that’s why they haven’t recommended an EHC needs assessment, but I should ask them rather than guess.

He did attend preschool four days a week until July and was on their SEN register, with some early-years involvement. His settling-in sessions at school went absolutely fine. He runs into school, has made friends and seems very happy there. My concern is that he doesn’t always engage with the learning and can be very much on his own agenda at times.

I’m not sure what information about his transition visits would be useful, but I can try to find out. Would you suggest I ask the SENCO for a meeting to clarify what support he’s getting, whether they’re considering any referrals or outside advice, and when they’ll review him? I’m not sure what’s reasonable to ask for at this stage.

Its left me feeling very confused, the SENCO said they think it could be his age because if he was born 2 weeks later he’d have started school next September and we may never have needed this conversation.

They also said they fully support him repeating the year, deferring or attending on a part time, flexible basis. They think any of those options would benefit DS.

I would request a meeting to discuss things with the SENCO further. I would ask them questions like:
Did the nursery pass information/paperwork on?
What they have already tried and haven’t worked?
What they are currently providing?
What they intend to provide going forward?
Have they identified times of the day/activities DS struggles more with?
Are they going to make an support plan (this is called different things in different schools but you may have hard them called things like IEP, ISP, My Plan/My Plan+, one page profile)? (Did DS have one of these in nursery?)
Are they going to bring in any outside agencies?
Are they going to refer DS to anyone?
Are they going to request an EHCNA? (And if the answer is no or not now, I would tell them you are going to request one yourself.)

After the meeting, follow up with an email so you have a paper trail.

It will help you to read IPSEA and SOSSEN’s (2 charities who support parents) websites and the SENCOP to start to understand the SEN system.

Personally, from your post and if DS was on the SEN register at nursery, this is more than ‘just’ DS being August born.

You are within your rights to send DS part-time if you want, but don’t be pushed into it. It is your decision. Don’t let the school pressurise you. Along similar lines, don’t let the school pressurise you to withdraw and restart if that isn’t what you want - and personally I wouldn’t withdraw even if you want DS to repeat reception.

Thank you so much for this advice, I will reach out to them for a meeting.

I definitely do not want to withdraw him. I want him to continue in Reception, possibly part-time for now, and I’m exploring whether repeating Reception next year might suit him better than moving straight into Year 1. I’ll ask the SENCO to explain what support is in place, whether they recommend any referrals, and what the next steps are.

Thanks again for this advice it’s very helpful.

The bit about him managing an activity one day and not the next really jumped out, that kind of inconsistency is often about transitions rather than ability. At home it can help to give short, concrete warnings before a change (two minutes till tidy up, then lunch) and break instructions into one step at a time, since that seems to trip him up most. It won't replace an assessment, but it may ease some daily friction while school monitor him, and gives you useful detail to bring to the SENCO meeting about what actually helps him shift gears.

He sounds very much like my DS was in reception (Dec born)
He was at nursery 4 days a week before starting school, but school is a whole different ball game.

in my experience, I don’t think seeking an assessment would go a miss.
agree regarding senco meeting to found out in depth what is happening.

also what @Another1DDsaid about transitions and breaking down instructions really helped my DS to understand what was happening more and what to expect.
he had a now and next board at school.

Thank you for everyone’s comments. @Sunshineclouds11 how is your DS now? Did he manage to progress well through the rest of reception?

It definitely is to do with transitions and being told what to do. I believe he does know what he’s supposed to do but he cannot manage the desire/impulse to stop what he’s enjoying and move on.

I find at home it’s not so challenging it’s more when we’re out at the park etc that he struggles with the fun ending. When we are leaving a soft play etc he knows when the session has ended and he will come and get his shoes on and leave really well. So that tells me that with a timer and or warnings it does work.

I asked his teacher if they could do more of this with him. Now/next, timers and getting to his level to explain things. I was told at parents evening that they don’t always have someone available to give ds one to one and that teacher sometimes prevents asking him to sit on the carpet so he doesn’t deregulate.

I have a meeting with Senco next week so will ask all of my questions then. I’m hearing a lot of what DS struggles with but not any examples of what they are or can do to support him.

an example message from teacher: Morning, I wanted to send you an update on DS first few days back as I had hoped to catch you at the door. Mrs ** also let us know that you’re meeting next week which is a positive step.

DS has had some good moments over the past few days. He still enjoys his choosing time the most, I’ve sat with him whilst he’s built cars and yesterday he built such a tall tower that the concentration was huge! He also enjoys working with Mr ** still which is lovely to see.

There have also been moments of deregulation which are almost identical to before half term. It is generally when we’re asking DS to do something, like sitting on the carpet or putting a toy away that he becomes upset and he becomes difficult to reason with. These periods of deregulation seem to have lasted longer than usual but we are trying to hold a firmer boundary - as we discussed at Parents Evening. We’re still comforting DS as usual but are reminding him that if we are asking him to do something then that decision still stands.

He’s in year 3 now and doing really well.
reception was very up and down. He progressed in some areas and not in others.
I found year 1 a real turning point for him, he had the nicest teacher who went above and beyond for him and it really made a difference.

A now and next doesn’t exactly have to be just for him if they are saying they don’t have the staff, although it should go under reasonable adjustments so I would raise this at the meeting. The teacher can have it on the board.
timer wise, I don’t see how the teacher can’t just shout out 10 mins left, 5 mins left.

is he on the Sen register?

I found it was the way staff spoke to DS, it’s not that they were nasty or abrupt about it just they didn’t know how to talk to him if that makes sense? Like they didn’t understand him. I do have change how I speak to him, I ask his younger sister things differently to him if that makes sense.
like different words, tone etc.

If the school doesn’t have the staffing to provide the support DS needs, have they requested an EHCNA? Have they applied for high needs top up funding?

@Sunshineclouds11 I'm so glad he’s doing well and I completely agree, when a teacher goes above and beyond it’s really helpful.

I’m not sure if they are doing now and next yet as it’s only recently I suggested it and their messages can be quite vague so that’s why I’ve now set up the meeting with the SENCO.

I think she meant that when DS is deregulated that she doesn’t always have someone with her to help settle him if it goes on for longer normal.

I haven’t been informed that he is on the register and when I briefly spoke to the SENCO at parents eve she said in her opinion he just isn’t school ready in terms of development. She said he’s a very young four. But that’s obvious as he turned 4 11 days before starting. She said she can’t say at this stage if there are additional needs.

@roaringdragon as far as I’m aware nothing has been requested this is why I’ve asked for a meeting. It’s all been very vague. They tell me he struggles with regulating when it’s not something he wants to do. They haven’t said he has additional needs just that it’s a possibility. Since then I’ve been gathering information and research ready for the meeting so that I can get my son the right support.