Advice needed for outings with SEN toddler.

[Bakergirlninteytwo]

Hi everyone,

Im wondering if anyone has any useful tips or advice for going to new places with my autistic 3 year old…

So transition is a funny one for us. When he’s inside the house we have zero transition issues. None at all. He happily goes from one activity to another (e.g stopping playing to have a bath or dinner etc..) without any special measures. At nursery he needs a visual/now and next board with a countdown and he’s fine. When we go for an outing somewhere, I know he finds this more tricky, so we prepare before hand. The actual transition of leaving the house and getting in the car, tends to go pretty smoothly as he’s always super excited to be going out and will say “yay I going” while driving. We still do all the prep before hand though, so we will so visuals of the pictures of where we were going, we tell a story and we take it nice in easy as we make our way there. The problem is, once we get to wherever we’re going he gets so heightened and upset. Even if you try and distract him it doesn’t work, he actually knows you’re trying to distract him and he gets more mad. But if you offer him like a sweet or a snack he will immediately stop being upset and go along with having the snack but will want more throughout the time we’re there. I’ve put in a lot of effort to stop using snacks to help with regulation as it was becoming unhealthy and in all other areas, he’s done well with it. So I don’t really want to revert back to this for going out. Has anyone been through this with their SEN child? Was there anything you did that became a solution or help? I’m all out of ideas and could really use the advice! We feel like we never leave the house right now. If it’s a place he knows like nursery, the beach, a relatives house, he’s absolutely fine but anywhere new is a nightmare! 🙃

Do the places tend to be busy, noisy?

What type of places are you trying to go? Are you planning one new place/thing at a time?

How are DS’s language skills?

Do you use visuals just beforehand or throughout the day?

I know you said distractions don’t work, but is there a particular high value reward other than food that works even if it is only short term and even if other distractions don’t.

Does DS still use a buggy/pushchair? Does he use ear defenders?

@Sunshineclouds11@roaringdragon No, they’re just quiet, open outside spaces. On Friday I took him to an empty field with lots of fallen leaves as he loves stomping on them. He’s primary non verbal as he can’t express his needs verbally but he does have words he uses daily. His understanding is really good but when he’s in that upset state, he doesn’t want to listen. He isn’t sound sensitive really so we’ve never had to use ear defenders. If we go to a familiar place and it’s busy and noisy, he tends to be fine as long as the place is familiar. We use visuals and tell a story before we go and he will mostly say “yeah I go” once we’ve told him. I’ve tried so many different things to distract him like his favourite ball he loves playing with, along with other toys and he’s so upset he just won’t let you distract him. I just don’t know what to do, feel so stuck!

@roaringdragonyes we use a buggy and he’s happy in that if we’re walking along. I tend to tell him we’re stopping and we’re going to get him out when he’s ready. But he will a lot of the time, not want to get out and keep walking, I’m guessing until we’re somewhere he recognises.

I didn't know my children were autistic but as it happened, to save money and to keep things easy for myself, we always went to the same 2 places (I bought annual membership to a local toddler friendly theme park (where under 1m ones were free entry anyway) and a farm park and going there 2, 3 or more times a week came to pennies each, including parking, so we hardly ever went anywhere else as even just parking at/taking bus to the local town park with playground was more expensive). So both children were super relaxed and I never realised they were autistic until Covid disturbed our routine. It also helped that they were in a buggy, their little personal bubble on wheels. We had a pacifier/bottle until primary school - oral stimulation helped them both a lot to relax. I would maybe start with only 1 place you both like and that ideally is a bit varied so doesn't get too boring too soon (but of course what is boring to some is safe and predictable and hence engaging and fun to autistic children) and keep going only there until he is settled and then maybe add a second place to your routine of going out until that becomes a familiar place ge can enjoy. First with no pressure to leave buggy and maybe even with something to self sooth (maybe a healthy, low calorie snack, like carrot sticks or even just a bottle of water or squash). My autistic husband is still going to the same place on holiday each year after 40 years! Everytime we tried something just a little bit different, it was a disaster, he just couldn't relax, and he is usually extremely high functioning and robust, more so than the majority of neurotypical people. He constantly travels the globe for work and doesn't mind that at all, as it's work - but when it's about relaxing and having fun, it needs to be the exact same place that he associates with holiday.

A chew toy might be a good replacement for the snacks. It sounds like chewing helps him regulate.

I agree with adding in new places slowly and not worrying if DS stays in his buggy.

Does DS communicate in non-verbal ways? Does he have SALT input?

I think continuing to go to the same place is a good idea. Maybe the change up unsettles him more. I have tried a chew object previously but he just throws it because he’s upset 🙃

He does yes. He will hand lead or open hand point. He will try to use the words he knows so he’ll constantly ask me if we can go. But he can’t explain why he’s upset. If I undo the buggy clip, he will hand lead me back to the clip to tell me to do it back up. He will try to put his hands on each side of the buggy to get it to move again too 😅 if he does get out of the buggy he will try to take my hand and hold the push chair and try to lead us back to where we came in from. Or he’ll get my car keys out of my bag and them to me and say “we go” so he’s so caught up in communicating to leave and getting upset he won’t allow himself to adapt to the surroundings. I know that if he did he would love it as I only go to places I know will suit him. But he’s just not having it when we get there sadly in order to give it a chance.

It is more likely to be can’t manage it rather than won’t allow himself to.