Just want to give up, what is the point

[Dazedandconfused28]

I am absolutely at my limit - 2 DC, eldest (8) has profound autism, non verbal, epilepsy, very challenging behaviours. I've written before that I've lost everything - social circle, career etc.

My main challenge at the moment is how totally disgusting my house is - DS takes his nappies off and wees, poos everywhere. I make the beds up & he strips them. Climbs on beds with muddy feet. Chews and then spits his food everywhere. Finds flour, sugar, spices in cupboards and throws them around the house. I lock them away and he pulls cupboards doors and locks off. I put them out of reach and he climbs on open cupboard doors until they fall off. This week alone our freezer door has come off, and washing machine door as DS leans on them for sensory input.

I struggle to go out any more, and can't ask people round any more because of the state of the house. I'm so depressed by it. I paid for a cleaner for a while, but it was a waste of money - as by the time DS is home within minutes it's all ruined.

We are halfway through renovations, but I've given up as DS simply destroys everything - huge holes in plaster, curtains ripped down, smears of food/ poo on the fresh paint.

He is in a specialist school, has OT input & we've made various modifications to the house to suit his needs - but none of it is enough. I hate how disability ruins every aspect of our lives.

I don't really know what to say except send you strength and hugs. That must be unbelievably difficult OP, bless your heart. How much do you have in the way of support? How often do you get to do something for yourself?

That does sound extremely difficult. Is residential care a possibility? There should at least be some kind of respite care so that you can have some breathing space. Sorry if this sounds insensitive, I don't mean to be. It's just if you feel you cannot go on as you are something needs to happen.

Are you on your own? Is your son's dad around to take some of the load?

I think you need another home OT assessment to look at making the house better meet DS’s needs including looking at things like locks for cupboards and internal house doors (and external if necessary but you don’t mention that as a problem) that DS can’t pull off and strong Perspex screens with remote control blinds behind so no need for curtains.

Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment by the children with disabilities team for DS. Alongside other things, this can fund a cleaner. DS might make a mess very quickly but having a cleaner to help keep on top of it isn’t pointless.

Have you looked if DS would be eligible for children’s continuing care funding?