Support for severe school avoidance in specialist SEN secondary provision

[Castiel07]

Hi all,

My son who is 11 has just started a specialist secondary provision.
It is very very small (as in 4 in the class and they have an adult each)
I love the place,the staff are lovely and from what I have seen they really do support the young people.

Unfortunately my child has been school avoidance for over 2 years, he has Asd and ADHD and terrible anxiety.
He is really clingy to his dad and I and will not leave our side (we are awaiting CAMHs).
This was mainly because he was sick in yr 3 and it gave him a very bad phobia.
I have asked for support for him and he has seen the service before CAMHs which he would not engage with and they wasnt qualified to deal with him (said he was to complex).

Obviously in a school setting this is very difficult to navigate as we can not stay there with him as safeguarding other pupils etc.

We did do this in his mainstream school by being in a room on his own with a 1 to 1 but its really not healthy for him or us and no matter what we or his school did nothing worked for us to be able to leave and if we did he became very frightened and trashed the place which then resulted in us having to get him anyway.

I really do not know what we can do as this has been going on for so long now.
He has a few on line friends but none outside of that as the friends he had from primary have all moved on and he is just stuck (he is very young for his age).

I dont know if im creating more truma by keep taking him everyday nothing seems to work and then I think well if you were poorly and needed meds then untill you get that you are not going to feel better so the same for him as in he needs therapy and we are just papering over the cracks.

This is having a massive impact on his siblings as well and my mental health is not great either because I am stuck at his school or home 24/7.
I know its not his fault and I would do any for him but this is our reality.

I feel like I can not win either way, I mean what can I do with him at home if I take him out of school?
He was on AP before this new school which was all home based before and he found that difficult but it did work better then this.

I just wanted to see if anyone else has been or is in the same position as us and if anything helped or made it worse and just really for some support.

What support, including therapies, is in the EHCP currently? And is it being provided?

What transition arrangements have been put in place? Transition arrangements can involve you as parents both on-site and off-site. I’m not meaning long term but for transition, alongside other support.

Therapeutic support for DS’s MH needs to be in the EHCP. That way, you don’t need to sit on the normal waiting lists, you aren’t limited to what the NHS can or will provide and more support than is typically available on the NHS can be provided. It is far more likely to be can’t engage rather than won’t.

If school is inappropriate, there is EOTAS/EOTIS. But you will need evidence that it is inappropriate. This is bespoke to individual needs. It doesn’t have to be at home, but it can be. Or some can be at home and some not.
Personally, I wouldn’t deregister and EHE. DC like your DS need far more support than the vast majority of parents can afford to fund themselves.

For siblings, have a look at Sibs and your local young carers service.

Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment by the children with disabilities team for DS.

Hi,

We have 0 therapy in his EHCP what could be in there? This is independent as no other sen school could meet needs.
Transitions have been good and the school are trying so so hard but I just dont think it will work.
I dont know how long I can take him to a place where I have to stay for the whole morning with him clinging on to me.
Can take me an hour to get him out the house.
Its 3 miles away which I appreciate isnt far but it is when you have to get a child who is refusing and running of or hitting out (I know he isnt doing to be horribe he is scared).
When we done this for over 2 years at the previous school.

Just so so exhausted

And my younger child does young carers but they dont take the mental impact only what they do to physically help so they get an activity 3 times a year.
For her even though we do our best she feels very bitter unfortunately as he does require more support.
Its also the fact she goes to school and he doesn't like she does.

Any therapies that educate or train can be included in F of an EHCP.

For someone with the needs you describe in your OP, I would expect to see SALT, OT and some form of MH therapy (e.g. sessions with a clinical psychologist, CBT, animal-assisted therapy, play therapy, EMDR) in section F at least. Possibility others too.

Thank you,

Maybe I need to ask for an early review, he needs support to help manage his anxiety and like I said at the moment we are literally covering up the cracks.

Yes, I do think you need an early review.

If by any chance you still have the right of appeal from when the current EHCP was finalised, I would appeal.

No unfortunately, the last time was Feb due to naming secondary school.
We are due a review in December but thats a few months away.

As you say - you can't win either way. What will be best for you and your other children? School or not? Especially as puberty will hit sooner rather than later

I think at this time nothing will change, I think if I could it would be back to AP (tutoring,mentoring) and hopefully with age and support from counselling things might improve.
At the moment he has still done 0 work and not spent any time away from me.
I worry about lack of friendships though.

If it is inappropriate for provision to be made in a school, I would look at a proper EOTAS/EOTIS package rather than just AP.

Not clear that provision in a school is wrong, plus it sounds that an EOTAS package would damage the other children. Glass child syndrome is a real thing. Parents need to triage as well - if he is taking up so much parental support, that is hurting the other children.

Any residential options? High chance you will need to put them in a home once they are an adult from what you are saying, unless you are OK with being a carer for rest of your life.

I wouldnt put him in residential, not unless something happened to my husband or I.
That would absolutely be the last result.

Not clear that provision in a school is wrong

Hence I said if it is inappropriate. OP was discussing if she could go back to AP, she would, so, with some updated evidence, she may well be able to demonstrate it is inappropriate.

plus it sounds that an EOTAS package would damage the other children.

This shows a complete lack of understanding of EOTAS/EOTIS. EOTAS/EOTIS packages are completely bespoke. It doesn’t have to take place at home. OP cannot be compelled to organise, facilitate or deliver any part of the provision. If AP can work (which it obviously must if that is what OP would go back to if she could), so can EOTAS/EOTIS. No children have to be damaged. If they are/would be, the EHCP needs amending because the provision isn’t suitable.

The damage that I would do by putting my child in residential would be horrific ( not saying that it isnt good for some children but for my child it definitely wouldnt).
Could you imagine putting a highly anxious, scared, vunrable 11 year old away from everything and everyone he knows.

Its my youngest child that is very jealous of her brother, tbh she probably gets more attention then he does but she is young and doesnt quite see it like that.
Just sees her brother hardly going to school and she does, most children would be annoyed with that I would of thought.

But putting him into somewhere which potentially would do way more harm would not solve that and im hoping with the right help he would manage aduit life with some support semi independently.

If he could get some help for his anxiety along with his autism and ADHD with a package to support this he might be able to independently go to a specialist at some point.

At the momment a provision in a school is wrong because he can not accsess it full stop.
Going to the park and cooking is not accessing an educational in my opinion (I know you didn't say this).

I think this is why you need an early review. Whether you remain at the current school or not, the EHCP needs improving. It needs more therapeutic provision.

Going to the park and cooking can be part of education, but long term on their own they aren’t sufficient. Even for a child who can’t manage formal education, they aren’t sufficient.

Although for EOTAS/EOTIS, the bar is whether it is inappropriate for provision to be made in a school rather than just ‘wrong’, ‘not managing to access the current placement’ or ‘no suitable school’.

This placement (its actully a AP but is named on his EHCP) was the only placement that could meet needs so if this doesnt work then I dont know what else we can do.

Sorry, I wasn’t meaning to imply there was another placement that can meet DS’s needs, and it wasn’t a judgement about whether the test for EOTAS/EOTIS is or is not met in your DS’s case. I was just talking about the test for EOTAS/EOTIS. The legal test is that it is inappropriate for provision to be made in a school rather than anything else. Some people focus on things other than the legal test and that can be a downfall.

Aww I know you wasn't, I much appreciate your posts.
I know what you mean, I just dont know what else we can do.
There is no way I would put him in residential, that would distroy his already fragile mental health.
I am going to give the provision a real good try though because I get such good vibes from the place and staff and I know he would be well supported there.
But if he just isnt ready then I really dont know how long to wait until he is.

I don’t think there is a right answer to this. So much depends on the individual circumstances. I would trust your gut. When you think enough is enough, it probably is.

I think your so right, sometimes just sharing it helps.
Thank you 😊