Oxfordshire SEN schools for AuDHD with moderate learning difficulties - where to look?

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Looking for any recommendations. DD2 is AuDHD. She’s nearly 10 but, frankly, is more like a 7 year old socially and educationally. It really is like she’s just two years slower to develop. It’s always 2 years behind.

Shes got good raw intelligence), but anxious, cannot cope in normal classrooms of 30+, has poor working memory including for following instructions, and has to be taught in her mainstream primary’s SEN classroom in the mornings for English and Maths.

Despite the SEN teaching and external tutoring, each year she only just creeps into the ‘right’ level of maths and comprehension for the year at the end of it. Ie at the end of year 4, she’d literally only just crept over the line from Year 3 level. But that means she counts as ‘at expected level’ when it’s really not the case. And her spelling only got past year 2 level this summer (we’re now year 5).

She has an EHCP, which makes it clear she needs small class sizes, a slower pace of teaching, etc. She also needs somewhere that she can make friends who are like her.

I’m now trying to look forward to secondary, and I think we’ve hit the point that I have to accept that she won’t cope in mainstream secondary. But her issues don’t seem to be ‘bad’ enough for most of the SEN schools I’ve tried to investigate.

Does anyone have recommendations? - state or private. Everything is on the table.

Ie at the end of year 4, she’d literally only just crept over the line from Year 3 level. But that means she counts as ‘at expected level’ when it’s really not the case.

If this is what the school is telling you, they are misleading you. A child at the end of Y4, who was just getting over the line for Y3 level (i.e. just starting Y4 content) would not be at ARE.

You could look at LVS. It has a mixed reputation. Some love it, some do not.

Depending on where you are in Oxfordshire, you could look at Alfriston in Buckinghamshire. DD will academically above what most of their pupils will be achieving, but it sounds like she is only there because of a huge amount of effort and, depending on her profile, it may still be a good fit.