DS, 5, has had a very difficult first week of Reception — looking for advice

[Strawberrymoon98]

I’m feeling really anxious and would really appreciate some advice from parents who have experience of SEND/ADHD.
DS is 5 and has just started Reception. He had a week of transition sessions, initially mornings and then afternoons, with only around half the class each time (his class is 27, so fewer than 14 children in these sessions). Unfortunately, the whole week has been difficult for him, not just his first full day.
His teacher has spoken to me several times throughout the week about his behaviour and has described him as very dysregulated. He has been very physical with other children, hasn't consistently used kind hands, struggled with sharing and has found it very difficult to listen and participate in group activities. Yesterday, his first full day with the whole class, things escalated further: he spat his milk at other children, couldn't manage circle time and had to play with Play-Doh instead, and at one point had to be removed from the class because his behaviour was impacting on other children's safety. He essentially needed a teacher with him one-to-one throughout the day.
This has come as a complete shock to us. He is a very high-energy, boisterous child at home and needs a lot of attention and input, so we're certainly not saying we've never seen these traits before. We've always wondered whether he might have ADHD, particularly because preschool had mentioned some difficulties with listening and inattention. However, what has shocked us is the level of dysregulation he's showing at school and the fact that it's affecting his ability to participate safely and appropriately in the classroom.
He was previously at a private preschool attached to a private school with fairly high expectations. He was already doing things such as circle time and, as far as I knew, participating appropriately. Preschool never raised anything remotely suggesting this level of dysregulation or that he was a safety concern. His final report was actually very positive and said he was settled and achieving across all areas.
Importantly, he is happy to go into school and seems to be enjoying himself, which makes this even more confusing for us.
His teacher has suggested giving it two weeks to see if he settles, but I'm struggling to understand what that means in practical terms. Does it mean they would then look at putting additional support in place if things haven't improved? Should SENCO be involved? I'm seeing the GP on Monday to discuss what support/referrals might be appropriate.
I'm also now wondering whether the environment is contributing. The school is a good school, but the Reception class has 27 children and the outdoor space isn't particularly large. Could a smaller class, more individual attention and greater access to outdoor space make a significant difference for a child like this? Should we be looking at smaller/private schools, or is it far too early to be thinking about changing schools?
I would really appreciate experiences from anyone whose child has had a similarly difficult start to Reception, particularly where ADHD/attention or regulation difficulties were involved. Did things improve with time and support? What support did school put in place? And how did you work out whether the issue was the child needing support versus the school environment not being the right fit?
I'm probably panicking because this has all happened so suddenly, but it feels like our whole understanding of how he was doing has changed in a week.

Hi OP, this sounds very difficult and stressful. It's a big change for him though and if he is neurodiverse then he is likely less mature than some of his classmates. Why did you choose this particular school? Yes medium/long term you may need to find a different one but perhaps wait till half term before panicking. I think my daughter would struggle with restricted outdoor space too.

Longer term, would sending him back to the private school be a possibility? Although I never intended to send my DD to a private school, she was so happy in the pre school of one that actually we did and they did a magnificent job, whereas friends who sent their kids to the state primary have been disappointed with lack lustre SEN support. But this is very area dependent and finance dependent.

Don't panic. Do keep a diary of what's going on. Be reassuring to DS "it's such a big change going to a new school!" Talk about your own feelings "I was so worried when I changed job that time. I didn't know anyone or where anything was." Do favourite non demanding things after school. See familiar people. Go to the park straight from school. Pop in and see favourite staff members/TA/whatever from the pre school?

@Needlenardlenoo staying on at the private school where he went to preschool was an option, but sadly we didn’t take it at the time due to the cost. They are now full, with a waiting list of five ahead of us, which we are on. I feel so guilty. We can afford to send him, it would be a stretch, but that stretch is worth taking. Unfortunately, at the time we didn’t realise his needs were that severe.

We chose this school because it is our second-closest local state school, we can walk there, and it has a very good reputation. The outside space isn’t huge, but we thought the firm but nurturing approach would be good for him, as he does need boundaries to guide him. We didn’t choose the state school in our village because behaviour has been cited as a problem there, and they are mixing year groups due to low intake, although they do have much more outside space.
We also have the option of another private school locally, which comes up time and again as being very good for SEN. They have space, so we are investigating that, but I feel we should give things a bit more time to settle first?
The thing is, he is very confident going in and seems to be enjoying it. He doesn’t seem unhappy, but obviously he is struggling to regulate. The inattention is one thing and something we have dealt with before, but being a safety concern to other children is a major red flag to me.
I feel he has already become the “problem child” for the school and will be seen as such by other parents, which worries me about him making friends
I’m struggling to understand the huge shift from preschool. Yes attention and boisterous behaviour was an issue there, but nothing to the extremes the reception teacher is saying.

Before changing school, do your best to address the behavior at home. E.g. make sure he has lots of practice at sitting and focusing for longer periods, practice calming down from active play and transitioning to quite listening, practice following instructions and feeling rewarded for doing so. Explain and roleplay situations that cause trouble etc.

Personally that would be my first step. To do all I could to help him have the best chance at fixing the problems. If none of that worked, then I might consider changing environment or seeking diagnosis/reasons

There can be a huge discrepancy between expectations at Preschool and Reception class. Some schools expect sitting on the carpet with the whole class from the start and some go into whole school assembly early on.

I’d make an appointment with the SENCO. Ask if they have observed and suggested strategies or if there’s an advisory teaching service they can refer to. Sometimes they can come in quite quickly if there are unexpected behaviours not flagged up or apparent during transition.

Ask if a behaviour support plan will be put in place. It is early days though.
Things may settle with some clear expectations and positive rewards in place.
A mat with a designated place to sit on the carpet alongside timers will help e.g. 5 minutes on the carpet followed by time with a favoured activity
( first and then) represented visually if needed.
A fidget item for time on the carpet.
Extra access to movement breaks or time outdoors will also help.
Clear expectations will also help. He may need individual instructions or prompts.
STAR analysis will help to unpick any triggers.

I’d create a one page profile with staff. Parental
input is invaluable. This should support with strategies and settling.

https://sheffkids.co.uk/resources/

If it becomes apparent that he may need an EHCP you can apply for an EHCNA as a parent. Advice can be found on IPSEA web.

It’s good that he’s enjoying it. This is a busy term with new intakes, Halloween, Harvest, Bonfire night Other festivals then Christmas so lots of disruption and overstimulation.

I would request a meeting with the teacher and SENCO now. I wouldn’t wait 2 weeks to do that. Two weeks is a long time in terms of DS settling into school. Has the mentioned any support to help DS settle? They should look at supporting DS now rather than waiting.

Did the pre-school provide any support? Do you know if they passed information on to the school? It can be a big jump for some DC. Some reception classrooms can also feel more overwhelming (chaotic for want of a better word) than some preschool classrooms. From what you have seen, do you think that is the case in your case?

How are DS’s tiredness levels? Starting reception can be exhausting for some DC even if they are used to full days in nursery/preschool. This can lead to some challenging behaviour.

Some DC do need a different environment, but I wouldn’t jump to that after 1 week.

@24Dogcuddler thank you. Will the school tell us if he needs an ehcp? I am seeing the GP on Monday and hoping to get some more help and resource then

So this is what I don’t understand. His preschool DID have high expectations. They were doing circle time, phonics, numeracy, specialist lessons etc. he wore a uniform. But the class size was obviously smaller with more staff. There were also multiple boys like him. High energy, boisterous, wanting to be running outside etc. In his new school environment the children seem less like this, which makes me wonder if we have chosen the wrong environment. This isn’t me excusing his behaviour at all, but he will stand out. I know the spitting, endangering other children is not acceptable. But we have not seen this severity of behaviour before, unless preschool were not sharing this but I can’t see why they wouldn’t. They did speak to us about his attention difficulties which did improve over the year. I’ve been left feeling as though I have a highly problematic child with quite severe learning/attention difficulties, after only a few half days and one full day. This was never the case at preschool.

The class teacher has said he is needing to be separated, is having movement breaks outside like running up and down the stairs, and basically having a teacher 1-1 with him. There is only one teacher and one TA for 30 kids though so not sure how long they can continue this without something more formal in place.

she has said she is going to monitor over the next two weeks as it could settle, but based on the severity she has described, it seems unlikely.

preschool provided support including clear expectations of his day to help with transitions so he knew what was happening when. And time out/ 1-1 when he got overwhelmed. In his last report from them it said he was progressing well against all age related targets. Either they haven’t communicated the reality, he was different there or reception is such a different place he can’t cope.

It does sound like the environment is part of the problem. I used to visit a school nursery with a lovely outdoor environment with a “ no running “ policy which isn’t the idea at all.
I’d see what the SENCO says. They may have a clearer picture by half term.
If he had significant learning needs you’d have expected Preschool to say so. His learning needs approaching in a specific way at the moment in the current environment.

Running up and downstairs doesn’t sound very safe!

Either they haven’t communicated the reality, he was different there or reception is such a different place he can’t cope.

It could be any of these. Or all. Reception is different. It isn’t unusual for DC to present differently in different settings. But also it could be the case that the preschool could have clearer. For example, it is possible that they were telling the truth that DS was making progress and meeting AREs, but if he was needing help with transitions and 1:1 sometimes it also sounds like he was needing SEN support and not just with attention.

Don’t rely on the school telling you an EHCP is required.

Does the school run proper sensory circuits?

I’m actually going to contact his key person at the preschool (via the office) to ask if these behaviours were recognised or known in the preschool, given the new school are saying they are so severe. Not to apportion blame or anything but to just try and get an understanding as we feel so sidelined by it. Did they notice these behaviours, did be improve etc. do they recognise it.

i had regular communication with the preschool and if he was endangering other children I cannot think they would have not told me.

I know exactly how you feel. My child behaved in a similar way although didn't strike other children, just teachers. Reception was bearable, year 1 just about OK with an unofficial 121 TA who "got" them, but then it got worse in year 2 when the fixed term exclusions started. That was the lowest ebb. Do talk to the SENCO (ours was hopeless) ASAP. Get a pupils passport - or whatever the school call it so all teachers know how he can be supported. Can he be placed on the SEN register at school? You can apply for an EHCNA on your own - don't wait or rely on school to do this. Smaller classes were absolutely what our DC needed, and 121 support which soothed their anxiety and stopped them becoming dysregulated. Outside space was much needed as was a general sense of calmness - the previous school was really busy - stuff all over the walls, and hanging from the ceiling, limited outside space, very rules based and fairly strict. It does get better, I promise. But you need to do the leg work yourself.

Does he have any siblings? It sounds less like having a special need, and more like needing to settle down. Have you told him he needs to improve his behaviour?