Nursery wants SEN assessments after sudden behaviour changes in three-year-old

[MyPurpleHeart]

Hi I'm looking for some advice because ive been totally blindsided with this

My child is three, she has been in the same nursery setting since 10 months. She has changed rooms twice in that time with age progression.

We have had the odd scrap, shes been pushed, shes pushed others etc but nothing major for two years.

Since her third birthday and going into the preschool room it has been relentless. Her personality has completely changed, short temper, outbursts, hitting other children, nursery teachers, me, DH. Her sleep went up the wall for a while and she hated being left alone despite being an independent sleeper for two years.

Tantrums turned into a daily occurrence with her taking up to 40 minutes to calm down. She would sob hysterically, shake, cry, sometimes over absolutely nothing.

Over the last few weeks at home (since beginning of August) things have got better, for example the bank holiday weekend was wonderful, 3 whole days with no kicking off at all. We did activities, went swimming, went to soft play, went to a farm with her friends and everything was fine.

On Tuesday at nursery there were two incidents of pushing other children which she was written up for.

Yesterday there were 4. One quite significant and she had to be restrained by a practitioner. When you ask the nursery they are always insistent that she is the attacker and the other children are the victims.

Last night on collection two practitioners came to see me and they said her behavior is escalating and that they are now looking to start doing assessments on her. They want to know about her patterns of behavior and they want me to write down any triggers that happen at home.

This conversation happened in front of another parent in the lobby so they said they didn't want to say much more at that time.

I am absolutely heartbroken and spent half the evening in tears.

I don't know much about SEN, and I have no idea where to start or what condition they are thinking of.

Can anyone give me any advice, does this sound right? Does a child suddenly start showing symptoms? I thought it would be more gradual.

DD sounds completely overwhelmed and anxious. The preschool room can often be far more overwhelming than younger rooms in nurseries. The expectations increase, social demands increase, the sensory input can be different, the staff ratio is lower…

It is brilliant the nursery is on the ball. Request a meeting, which I think would have been better for them to do rather than approach you at the end of the day.

Ask what support they are providing and what they have already tried. Ask if they have kept a detailed diary or completed ABC charts or undertaken STAR analysis. Ask if they have approached any outside agencies.

There are 2 elements. The first is SEN support. This is based on needs and is not related to diagnosis. The second is diagnosis (if there is one). The nursery cannot diagnose but may suggest a referral for a diagnostic assessment.

I know this all feels very overwhelming, be kind to yourself.

i agree the nursery should have asked you for a meeting instead of dropping the bomb at pick up.

the pre school room is chaos. There is alot going on, at all times.

i would listen to them, ask questions like pp has said and take any assessment or referral they offer.

Have they done observations to look for triggers using STAR or similar as PP suggests?

Are her language skills OK? I was once asked to observe a child who Nursery staff said was pushing others and had behavioural difficulties.
I found that his speech was very delayed so he couldn’t ask for a spade so he’d snatch one. He couldn’t ask for a turn on a bike so would push another child.
They thought he had problems with social skills. If he went into an area others left as they were a bit scared of him.

It’s good that they want to explore any difficulties or causes for new behaviour. Could just be the new setting expectations. Not so good that they didn’t discuss this in private.
I’d keep an eye on the “restraint” as I know they need to intervene to keep children safe but are they trained in safe handling?
Try not to be too upset it’s better to explore any difficulties before school. Have you considered a school Nursery or is this not possible?

Thankyou all for the replies.

She is very well spoken, nursery have told me regularly that she has a great vocabulary for her age and she speaks in long sentences and uses past and present tense, and can also identify ownership such as his, hers, theirs, mine.

Shes very smart, shes counting and doing phonics and recognises words. She came home the other day and was telling me about how clocks go tick tock and we use them to tell the time.

Shes very sociable, she loves to play and prefers to be in a group than on her own.

Shes actually very kind and empathetic which is why this has taken me by surprise. We got a report a few weeks ago that one of her friends was crying and she went over and offered to share the toy she was playing with and gave her friend a cuddle.

When she loses it she goes from 1-100 in seconds. She wont be able to open a bottle or something and she instantly loses her head. If you intervene quickly, or just before she hits the roof you can distract her and steer her away. If you leave it too long she goes into full blown meltdown which can take up to 40 minutes to stop. She cries, shakes, wont come near you (if we are in public she actually runs away and shouts 'don't get me' when you try and follow her which is absolutely heart-breaking) and any attempts to move on to something else or talk her through it just seem to wind her up further.

She is an only child for now so sharing generally can be a problem area, and she likes her things to be organised and put away (sadly living with me its something shes picked up for better or for worse. I was a very neglected child so I'm a super organised adult)

The reports we get from nursery are not the child we have at home, and whilst I don't disbelieve anyone as I know they are two very different environments, I find it very concerning that my 3 year old that sits with the cat to eat his breakfast 'so he doesn't choke' is walking up to kids at nursery and scratching them for no reason with no provocation.

She does sound lovely and very able. Does she come across almost as having too much empathy? Worrying about others, maybe even stepping in as a protector?

Sounds like she needs to work on emotional regulation. Lots of colour coded or numbered resources available online. She is young but look at 5 Point Scale type resources.
A book like this might be a good starting point.

https://www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/products/when-my-worries-get-too-big-book-buron-9781737671558?sku=GOR013446350&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=19545754761&gbraid=0AAAAADZzAICWpBPpc8PCcGG2BMhT-OHbP&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI95D2pvjUlgMV9aaDBx08sg_cEAQYAiABEgK4RfD_BwE

There will be a reason. It may not be something obvious to an adult, but there will be a reason. This is why the nursery needs to keep a diary/do ABC chart/STAR analysis. This will also help them to step in to deescalate before DD reaches the point of no return and to know what helps to deescalate.

Does the nursery expect a lot of DD because of her verbal ability? Sometimes this is a problem because verbal expressive language doesn’t always match receptive language, emotional regulation, social skills, etc.