Dc being punished for things that others are not

[AuADHD]

How can I deal with this as a parent?
Ds is getting negative behaviour points for various things. Recent examples include getting up to retrieve a pen from someone who borrowed it, the child had got up to go to ds, saying flipping heck, telling the person distracting him to be quiet, which is what they’ve been told to do.

The relationship with school has totally broken down now after repeated accusations of my Ds lying when he is almost pathologically honest due to autism. The ones known to lie, who have significant behaviour challenges, are believed instead.
He is year 6 and says all the staff just back each other up over anything and blatantly lie. The HT has lied to my face several times.
DS is so dysregulated lately because of the treatment he receives at school. He has a lot of reasonable adjustments in place but these are inconsistently applied and this causes further problems. He never knows which way is up with different staff having different rules.
I tried to change school when things became really bad but there was no places at anywhere local.
There’s 5 weeks left and I’m worried how those weeks are going to go.

Has anyone been through similar and have any advice please?

I missed out that other children actually swear but there’s no consequences. Ds got called a fucking dickhead one day and he was the one punished for reacting to that by shouting at the child to go away. Literally just go away but because he shouted he was punished by losing golden time. I was spoken to at the end of the day about it but the other child’s parent wasn’t.
He was punished for sitting tipped forward on his chair but wasn’t allowed his wobble cushion.
It just seems like utter bullshit to me and I’m sick of him coming home upset and worn out from the constant negativity.
He works hard, is polite unless someone is rude to him, loves learning and wants to do well. Sometimes he can be obnoxious I'm sure as he can be at home but generally he’s well-behaved.

This sounds horrendous for your DC.
5 weeks left, year 6. Does he need to be there?
anyone to have him?

school sound utterly shit

I would speak to the class teacher and SENCO. However, you need to focus on your own child not what consequences other pupils may or may not receive.

Have you already spoken to the SENCO at the secondary school? Is DS receiving at enhanced transition?

Get through the last 5 weeks as best you can (take him out for all of it, or for everything but the fun bits if he likes those) as then brush the dust off ypur shoes. They sound awful.

I’ve spoken to the SENCO, class teachers and HT. Numerous times. A formal complaint went in about one particular TA but everything is either denied or said to be ds’s fault.

He’a got a generic behaviour plan but the class teacher said the only thing that applies to him out of a long list was one of his autistic traits. Ds had been made to sign it with everything else on there. The consequence of not sticking to the plan is not being allowed to wear their leavers hoodie. They have been told they should take their jumper in with them incase the hoodie gets taken off them.

He is having extra transition input and I’ve requested a meeting with the new school SENCO. I’m worried what the current school have told them to be honest.

They honestly sound batshit, why are they using leaver hoodies as a consequence.

be totally honest with the new senco on how much he’s been failed.

I would speak to them again. If a formal complaint didn’t work, did you escalated your complaint including to the governors?

I spoke to the MAT and was told to try to rebuild the relationship with the school. They weren’t interested. The chair of governors’ child was bullying mine at one point and denied it so they were believed over my child. I couldn’t trust them to be neutral. They close ranks every time.

I have no qualms about taking Ds out for mental health days. He is so tired of being treated like this and so dysregulated that I’ll do whatever I need to do to try and get him back on an even keel.

You may not want to since there is only a short time left, but if you wanted to you could go through the MAT’s complaints process.

I’ll give it some thought as I’ve just found out that the SENCO didn’t do the transition referral.

I'd strongly consider taking him out and liaising with the secondary school directly.

I spoke with his secondary yesterday and they sound much more switched on. I ran through the main issues and they deal with them differently which will suit his needs better.
With the heatwave leavers’ hoodies won’t be being worn so that’s that punishment out the window. Idiotic thing to threaten.
My email to the senco and HT saying that the ND team have informed me that the school haven’t done his referral has been ignored. I’ve had general emails but no response. Another parent has had similar issues with referrals not being done in the time frame.
Yesterday he had 3 minutes taken off the 20 minutes golden time as he was quietly talking to himself whilst they made Father’s Day cards. No warning, no understanding, just 3 minutes off.
I’ll be taking him out for random days according to his needs. There’s a lot of leavers’ events that he will attend but otherwise I’m going to be led by him and what he needs.