7yo constantly lashing out - says he is being teased - school say he is lying - poss AS - any thoughts please?

[gigglinggoblin]

he is in trouble every day. the sen teacher has suggested aspergers, as has a friend of mine with lots of experience of autism and AS. ed psy thinks its possible but not going further than that. he is waiting to be seen by clinical psy for diagnosis (or not of course), currently going through statementing process. i am at the end of my tether.

his teacher and the head just think he is bad, both say its not AS but both admit they dont know what it is and have never taught anyone with it.

if anyone can think of anything which may be remotely helpful i would be so grateful. have been told he has adhd, then was told he didnt, then was told he did, then not again.

am wondering if it is worth him going to school at all

has teh school labelled himas 'bad' therfoe see anything he does in a bad light - he may be beingteased school don't know everything that happens- can you try getting a him moved to a new teacher

only one class per year. problem is all staff i have spoken to agree. sen teacher suggested otherwise but so far i have ben unable to track her down and all meetings have been arranged when she is on day off. am starting to think its a conspiracy!

is it worth looking for a different school perhaps try and force in a nice way meetings to be when she can attend

am trying to change schools. xp wont agree tho, he denies ds has any behaviour problems at all so its quite difficult (looooooong story there).

i just feel like giving up with school, they dont seem to want to know. kids seem to be either bad or good and thats that

was hoping (? maybe not exactly the word i want!) someone on here would have been through it and could tell me how to sort it out.

I think you really need to try and be referred to CAMHS.

Also I found the NAS really good (national autistic society) and they sent me lots of very useful information.

My dd has language disorder, adhd and autistic traits.

HTH

would CAMHS be contacted as part of the statementing process or is that something i would have to do on my own? have done a quick google and it looks very useful, i will call their helpline tomorrow. nas have been great, but because school do not believe it is AS they wont take their advice. is very frustrating

thanks gothicmama btw, am really wound up atm, it helps to chat on here and means i am not snapping at the kids

Hi there,

Firstly CAMHS are normally contacted by the EP or by a referral by your GP. Beaware though, sometimes this can take a very long time for him to be seen

Secondly, I can fully sympatise with what your ds is telling you. My ds is constantly saying he has no friends, being teased, everyone hates him. He does have a dx of Aspergers and in HIS mind this is actually happening.

DESPITE an official dx from CAMHS, ds's school refuse to acknowledge his dx because they have had one other child with Aspergers and he, apparently, is nothing like that child. Any professional would tell them that no two children on the spectrum are the same!

You child must not be allowed to think he is bad. He will get a huge complex about it. The school must stop referring to him as such. Poor little soul.

Maybe, and this might just be playing with fire, print something off the internet that describes Aspergers and give it to the school! I did and it helped a bit! My ds only has one more half term to go and then he is moving up to senior school where they have a FULL understanding of Aspergers so I have not bothered moving him just now. But I did move him from one school (quite big) to a small one class per year school and although still problems, they seemed less problems if that made sense.

Also helps if the SENCO knows what she is talking about too and if she turns up for appointments!!!

Good luck.

thanks pisces, thats really helpful. we are currently on a 7 month waiting list for the clinical psychologist anyway - and im told i should be grateful its that short!

i have tried giving school info (infact my friend offered to go and talk to them but they turned her down) but they just pick up on bits that he doesnt have/do and say thats enough proof that its not AS. as you say, every child is different but i just cant seem to get that through to them!

its so hard carrying on with this. going into school and fighting for them to acknowledge there is something wrong with your child is soul-destroying, but its just as bad being told he does all these awful things without any provocation at all.

GG i can fully sympathise with what you and your DS must be going through as this is what has happened with my DS.
In the end we had to go private and get him dx,d that way as the waiting lists are so long in my area and because there was a differing of opinion between Clinical Psych and CAMHS it held up everything.

In the end DS has had to come out of school as his problems were so severe that he was self harming and talking suicide

He has been refused a statement something which all the medical people involved cannot believe as cant we so we are taking them to a tribunal.

You are his mum and you know when something isnt right, i have listened to various people telling me what they thought was "wrong" with my DS and in the end i trusted my own instinct and went with it.

Jen
xx

my little one lashes out, one min she ok the next shes angery , dont no what it is but it makes life hard i know that...... im confused

Coming late to this but interested in the problem too as my son has just finished a terrible first year at school (5yrs) where we were getting almost daily slips saying 'Your son has hurt 4 children today' or 'Your son hit the dinner lady' or 'Your son tried to bite the helper and when asked not to did it more'. Every time we were asked to comment but he was in a class of 14 with 1 to 1 support (started school only just toilet trained so needed high level of help) so what could we say except 'Sorry but he's not like this at home... or when playing in the local playground... or with friends at their house or ours.' He's been diagnosed as having global developmental delay (statement recently came through) and I think he just builds up frustration and it bursts out. His hearing is fine now (after a period of glue ear). He told me in the middle of the night the other day (couldn't sleep) 'Mummy I'm never going back to school' ' Why not?' 'Then I won't be naughty'. Like your son, I think ds is seen as 'bad' and treated as such which makes him worse. He's very sensitive to disapproval and I think that's what sets him off. No answers I'm afraid but will be interested in what happens to your ds.

don't know if this has been mentioned earlier but our school routinely advises parents to go through the GP when the school thinks a child needs a referral to an ed psych. Reason: it happens much sooner.

Looks like this thread has had a second wind!

I too have a son who has been diagnosed with mild AS, so mild that I sometimes doubt the diagnosis. However, there is not doubt that he has problems although they are mainly with motor skills and poor coordination and the only really AS thing he does is hand flapping and pacing a couple of times a day when he is tired or over-stimulated. Other than that his social skills are relatively normal. We had the diagnosis but were referred to an occupational therapist for the motor skills stuff. The clinical psychologists just washed their hands of him and said that if we ever had any further problems to contact the school who would refer him to the ed. psych.

I don't know if it is a national thing but I was told that Ed. psychs can't diagnose anything, they can only devise ways of dealing with it. You have to get a referral to a clinical psychologist (via the GP) first who does the diagnosis and then the ed psych gets involved if needs be. The waiting lists for this are horrendous though aren't they?

Has anybody gone private for any of this process? It frustrates me that the waiting lists are so long that you are losing valuable therapy time with the children whilst they are so young and therefore more likely to make greater strides in development. Like anything, the older you get the harder it gets to change your behaviour and do something new. We did consider it for the occupational therapy that we needed but the NHS appointment came through just in time after 18 months! Just as well as it wasn't cheap - about £200 for the initial assessment.

My ds2 had a bad year 1, lots of biting, scratching etc and his teacher treated him like a bad child, always sending him out of class, or off to the head just to get him out of the class.
Year 2 however has been fantastic, new teacher and TA who both treated him with respect, patience and kindness. They gave him lots of praise and responsibility, all of the violent behaviour has stopped and he is now considered to be a lovely polite boy. The way a child with AS is treated makes a huge difference to the outcome.
I was once given a sheet from the doctor who DX my son called Influencing behaviour, with lots of statements on it like - Pay most attention to the behaviour you want more of - distract rather than confront to put a stop to undesirable behaviour - offer a choice when you intend to, but not otherwise! - DO instructions are easir to understand and to obey than don't - make it easy for me to succeed - please notice even slight improvements in my behaviour and praise or thank me for them. help me to notice my successes rather than my failures or shortfalls.
At the start of the new year I will be giving my sons new teacher a copy of this, I also tend to give them some books to read, including Martian in the playground. If you are lucky and have a teacher who wants to understand your child, they will read them and hopefully treat them in the correct way and get a good outcome.
I am sure it is very hard for a teacher who has never had an AS child in class to know how to work with them, and that it why it is also important to get a DX and a statement to ensure that your child will get extra help.
It all takes far too long, but hopefully you will get there in the end, good luck

If he says he is being teased, I think you should listen to him. Seriously, mosk kids don't lie about stuff like that. And depending on the extent of the teasing, it may explain his behavior.

True story-

When I was little girl, a boy pulled me off the bars and I hit my wrist hard on the ground. I lost my little girl temper...and socked him(did I mention, I have 5 brothers). Well the yard duty teacher conveniently only saw me sock the boy. They called my dad and when he got there I told him my arm was hurt. The told my dad I was lying to get out of trouble. He believed them and it took him 5 days of me whining for him to take me to the doc. Arm was broken!!!

Teatime, my son had a terrible reception year and would beg not to go because he did not want to get into trouble! It was heartbreaking and frankly school was at that time bad for him! (school treated him as naughty/ badly parented etc he suffered nightnares and got very down) He has gradually got better understanding (he has MLD/ADHD/ASD)and happier. The stratagies below (isgrassgreener) were slowly put in place at school. I hope the statement helps support your DS.

Bit late coming to this thread but he sounds like my ds(now 9). His problems began as soon as he started in nursery and peaked around Y2.School initially weren't helpful, said I had to make sure he did what he was told etc said he didn't have AS - even though community paedriatrician thought he did. Teachers are not trained in this area but usually think they know better than a parent.(am a teacher - have listened to many a staffroom conversation on this)Problems worse in Y2 due to how he was handled by teachers I think. Anyway, ed psych said he fell into high risk category for AS but didn't diagnose him. I didn't know a clinical pyschologist needed to do that. He has improved dramatically in the last school year.(Y4)Mostly due to having a brilliant teacher but also due to being more mature. Still has problems though and problems at home now outweigh problems at school. Opposite to when he was younger. I would say to fight for him.Demand meetings with key people. Make lots of phone calls. School and LEA will try to fob you off if your experience is anything like mine.

isgrassgreener - that is wonderful advice;

"The way a child with AS is treated makes a huge difference to the outcome.
I was once given a sheet from the doctor who DX my son called Influencing behaviour, with lots of statements on it like - Pay most attention to the behaviour you want more of - distract rather than confront to put a stop to undesirable behaviour - offer a choice when you intend to, but not otherwise! - DO instructions are easir to understand and to obey than don't - make it easy for me to succeed - please notice even slight improvements in my behaviour and praise or thank me for them. help me to notice my successes rather than my failures or shortfalls."

My son though not diagnosed is definitely on the spectrum - that is sort of what I try to do and I wonder if that is the right approach but it is so good to see a professional confirming it is