Am I making a 'rod for my own back'?!.....

[stilldazed]

My DD is 5 months old. Has her last feed at 9 o'clock then falls asleep by herself and wakes up around 3, I then bring her into our bed and feed her after which we usually fall asleep together until around 7 o'clock.

I have no problem getting up at 3 and my theory is that hopefully she will start to sleep for longer as she gets older and we will gradually drop the night feed.

My OH thinks that she is being spoilt by me bringing her into our bed and we need to 'knock it on the head' now or we won't sleep for the next 2 years.

Last night....for the first time in 5 months OH woke up and said I was not to pick her up and that we had to let her cry.He thinks that she can't be hungry, his theory being that in the past, a month or so ago, she had slept til 7 for about a week. Anyway she cried for about 5 minutes, after which, I picked her up much to OH annoyance (who at one point physically tried to block me from the cot!!)

Question...is 5 months too young for controlled crying, can you spoil a baby of that age?

All you sleep deprived MN's...am I making a 'rod for my own back'???

I don't think you are spoiling her... she can be hungry and she very likely is hungry!

When my DD was 3 months she would sleep 8-10 hours at a stretch. But she hit 4 months and all that went out of the window! As she gets older she'll need more milk so just because she has slept that long previously, doesn't mean she always will.

All of my friends who have similar aged babies to me (6-8 months) have all been through the same thing. Babies slept longer stretches when younger and now wake more for hunger!

My DD is 7 months now and wakes to be fed 1-2 times. I plan to reevaluate the situation when she is 9-10 months!

whatever floats your boat - fuck everyone else.

No you are not!! Do you not get more sleep by bringing him in with you? Because if you are getting more sleep that way then your OH is talking out of his arse saying you won't get any sleep for the next 2 years

She is probably having a growth spurt - babies do begin to wake again in the night at 4-6 months, it used to be interpreted as a sign to begin weaning (some HVs still insist it is) but we now know it's normal - don't assume because they have slept through the night before that they always will from now on. DS was sleeping through the night at 7 weeks but since about 4 months has not, and he's one now.

DS does still sleep with us at age one but I think that he would be just as happy in a cot - it's just that his room isn't ready yet, and he still feeds in the night (though I think he might be doing it just because it's there) but also because I like having him there for a cuddle. He won't be a baby forever (or even for much longer )

Anyway my advice is go with what works now - don't worry about setting up bad habits for the future or anything like that - a 5 month old baby does not even realise you are a separate person from him, everything is too new for him to learn habits. If at any point you have had enough of bedsharing or feel it is time to move on you can move on gently - e.g. putting him in a cot in your room, into bed for a feed, back into cot afterwards, moving cot further away, cot into own room (but you stay until he is asleep) then eventually a cot in his own room and he sleeps through. Or you can keep him in with you until he is big enough to bribe with the offer of an exciting "big boy's bed" and a bedroom decorated with his favourite character.

You do need to get your DH on board though. I just say to my DP "Are you getting up to feed him in the night? No? Then I will do what I think makes it easier for me to do that." - but I suggest a bit more of a compromise approach. Try to find out what is bothering him about the idea.

At five months she's hungry. Do whatever gets you through these first few months.

No you are not and your baby's sleep patterns sound great (my 9 monther is fed to sleep at 7ish and two time during the night before waking up anywhere between 5 and 7). BUT you do have to live with your other half and reach some kind of comprimise with him. You are unlikely to get any sleep with somebody going all hufty pufty beside you anyway
Could you feed her and then put her back down in her cot at 3?

A number of the sleep books I have read (not necessarily successfully applied I'm afraid...Yawn)say that sleeping through the night for a baby should be considered to be a stretch of 5 hours.

So given that your ds is sleeping from 9-3 I think you've already achieved that. personally I think you've got a healthy sleep pattern going already, and perhaps your OH needs to have more realistic expectations of a 5 mnths sleep patterns. Also, their feeding needs can increase during growth spurts.

On a personal note I had a terrible experience with controlled crying, which I think isn't recommended before 6 months, so really would make an effort to try other gentler methods before going down that road (although I do have many friends its worked brilliantly for). Try the no cry sleep solution, or a book called Sleep Sense.

don't worry about rods for your back. don't worry about what anyone else says. you are the world's leading expert on your baby. sod everyone else.

ds has been in with me since 4 months old, is now 11 months and slept in his own bed last night for the first time with no problems, no crying (just a feed at 4am).

when you're both ready you'll know.

can you persuade dh to read up on baby sleep patterns? there are a lot of misconceptions about how much sleep you can expect from a baby - and that can do your head in as much, if not more, than the sleep deprivation.

thanks everyone!

I spoke to OH this evening and I think we're both now a bit more realistic about what to expect.
DD will be back in our bed tonight around 3 as usual.

I made a rod for my own back. DS sleeps in with us every night (he is 2.5 now). He was a terrible sleeper and I was back at work then back at work and pg and needed sleep so gradually gave up on trying to get him into his own bed for the whole night.

He cuddles into me and wakes up happy and smiley every morning.

I love it.

5 months is too young to do cc. Your dh is just being silly and probably tired and ratty too. Reassure him that it will settle down in due course.