23 month old has changed her sleeping habits! (sorry bit long but desperately need some advice)

[LittleMissNorty]

My DD is 23 months and has always slept well. Put down in her cot at 7pm, give her a kiss and she waves to me as I turn the light off and close the door - and that's the last I hear from her until 7am the following morning (or occasionally during the night if she has lost her dummy). During the day, 2 hour sleep upstairs in the cot - no problems.

However this past week she is a changed child. Put her upstairs and she screams the place down. We've tried sitting in the room with her (screaming continues), putting her in a bed (screaming continues), ignoring her (gets herself so worked up she would be sick), keeping her up a bit later (still screams when put upstairs). This is the same at night as well as during the day.

However, lay her on the sofa (with no-one in the room, TV off etc) and she goes off straight away. We then carry her upstairs to her cot. This morning she woke up at 5.45 and would not be settled so ended up in our bed with DH whilst I fed the baby.

We're developing habits I really don't want - we haven't changed bedtime routine or anything - so I am completely baffled why she has suddenly changed. She does have a new brother but that was 12 weeks ago. Could it be some sort of delayed reaction? Should a child of this age go to bed later that 7pm (she is pretty knackered at 7pm). I tried cutting out daytime naps (and moving the time) and she just fell asleep in her highchair!

Any advice gratefully received. TIA

Bump.....any advice out there please.....

no advice norty, but lots of sympathy; we are having similar issues with DD at the minute. she can be falling asleep on laps or at the table, but as soon as we put her to bed, ping wide awake and screaming.

I think it's because they are starting to realise just how much control they can have over their world and that they will exercise that control.

just a thought, have you moved her to a bigger bedroom to make way for the baby in the nursery or anything?

also, one thing we have found helps is reading bedtime stories. We hadn't done it upstairs previously, but she would get one downstairs before going up. Now we have stories when she actually sitting in bed and she is slowly starting to realise that stories = sleepytime.

we've also got random night waking and climbing into bed with me and DS2 (poor DH is still confined to the sofa!). I need to put a stop to that but it's hard when you are tired not to just let it pass for an easy life; don't want her screaming the house down in the middle of the night.

Norty I second Daisy re bedtime stories IN bed

Were haven't had the same sort of problems as you, but we have just started to do this and it has worked amzingly with him, it really settles him.

We also moved him to a bed which helped (with a bed guard). I think he felt more 'grown up'.

no advice from me either, I have horrendous sleepers - don't want to scare you with tales of the dark side

Sympathies Norty. DD doing much the same. Still goes down a treat at night (around 7 -7:30) sleeps till 8:30 or so. But where she used to have 2 naps easily, she dropped one a few months back & now there are days she won't sleep at all. She asks for a nap then messes around in the cot, talking, singing, stripping the bed & herself then shouts to get out. She is then foul by bedtime either gets hyper & naughty or whiny & moody. Sorry that's no advice is it? Just mean I think it's one of those phases, like when they refuse to eat something they've loved before. Would agree it's a control thing. With DD I continue to put her down, same time etc & leave her to it. Some days she drops off, others she doesn't but at least she's resting (of sorts) & I get a little peace. This too will pass

More sympathy Norty, but no real advice I'm afraid. We are blessed (currently but of course it may all change) with easy bedtime. We have recently started stories at the bedside and that does seem to be a key signal for her. (Although the past few nights her chosen book has been the BumpTo3 catalogue ).

Thanks ladies

I feel so guilty that I'm just taking the easy option and letting her fall asleep downstairs then taking her up....she's won then hasn't she? But I'd never get any dinner or get any evening if I braved it out upstairs.

BTW, we did move her into a newly decorated pink room, but months before DS was born so I don't think its that.

The very mention of the word nap had her in tears this morning until I said she could sleep on the sofa, then she zonked out for 2 hours

Perhaps it is a control thing.....now how on earth do I get back to going to sleep upstairs?

Thanks for your experiences....not just me then!

During the day I would let her nap downstairs if she wants to. For the evening maybe you could try tweaking the routine a bit. She probably feels she is missing out on things by going to bed so maybe make the idea of going to bed more interesting, so what others have said about reading sounds good. You could also try music. Maybe putting a doll or teddy to bed together first.

I would let her sleep on the sofa for daytime naps then norty....anything for a quiet life me , but insist she is in bed at night.

Could you do some controlled crying at bedtime? or are you not into the concept of it at all? We did it with DD around a year and it did work, and only took a few days. you might have to just bite the bullet and be persistent for a few days, and maybe eat with her at teatime so you at least get something to eat?

DS1 goes to bed on his own in his own bed...

sleeping downstairs won't hurt at naptime, my only problem with that is it means I don't get to "accidentally" nod off on the bed next to him

so with controlled crying....is that just letting her get on with it? How long do I leave her.....we've done 20 mins before now and she just got worse and worse.

I agree, downstairs during the day but need to sort our night-time. Last night I put her on the sofa and there were no lights on, no TV on, and me and DH stayed out of the room until she went to sleep. All she could do was watch the fish, but she still pissed about for ages.

Might try a slightly later bedtime and be a bit stricter! My neighbours are gonna love me

That's a good idea about the doll Sputnik....perhaps I'll put DS to bed as well so she's not missing out on anything (even if I get him up afterwards)....she copies most things I do with DS with her baby Annabel....I often have to turf her off the playgym, changing mat, swing seat etc so putting her to bed with DS may help.

We tried the big bed, but she hated it (thank god - I'm not ready for that). Even during the day she wants to be wherever I am, if I come indoors, she does etc so perhaps its an extension of that?

Sorry, not much advice Norty, just to say that DD doesn't go to bed till about 8, sometimes later.

We find with leaving DD to cry if you leave it too long she gets to a point where she just won't calm down for at least half an hour even if you get her up and cuddle her etc. so we try not to leave her too long.

It does sound like clingeyness, hopefully it's just a phase

Jamlet cries at the word "nap" too. She will sometimes take up to 20 mins to settle in cot for a daytime nap but it's usually just grumbling not howling (I just leave her to it unless it's prolonged mega-strop). And somedays she just won't settle for a nap at all.