If you have more than one DC and they sleep in the same room, when did you move them together and how?

[beforesunrise]

i have dd1, aged 3, and dd2 aged 9 months.

dd1 takes a long time to fall asleep, needs stories, cuddles, trips to the loo etc. she then sleeps through (though she sleepwalks to our bed most night, but that's ok!).

dd2 falls asleep in a matter of minutes, but then wakes up a lot in the night and is sometimes up for a long time.

I want to move them to the same room eventually (dd1 keeps on asking me!), both for convenience and because i think it's lovely for siblings to sleep together. but not too sure when and how, so would love to hear from people who've done it- was it hard? did it mess up both of the dc's routines? how long did it take to "work"?

many thanks!

ps can i ask you refrain from commenting on their individual sleep patterns, I know there are things i can do to improve their sleep habits, and i am (slowly, slowly) working towards that- trust me, i have read more books than all mumsnetters combined on the topic!
Thanks

hi there
I put my 14 month old in with my 4 YO just after Christmas. It has worked v well on the whole.

A couple of downsides:

At first DD2 would go to bed half an hour earlier and fall asleep staright away, but now she has cottoned on to the fact that the older one will be up in a while so she waits for her! Usually quietly, but sometimes she cries until we arrive and it does mean we can't keep the older one up alone for long.

DD2 does also wake in the night sometimes, esp as she is cutting molars. I don't feel I can leave her to cry for even a few minutes as this disturbs DD1 or even wakes her so I end up in there rocking and cuddling more than I would otherwise do. I was a bit harsher on DD1 and I have a no children in my bed policy(!) so I have done a fair bit of pacing the landing on these nights.

BUT on the plus side I think that on average they sleep better together- must be reassuring to hear the other breathing or something! Also they are apart a lot during the day because DD1 is at school and it seems to have helped their bond to share their sleeping space. DD1 cannot wait until DD2 is old enough for bunk beds!

I would say go for it now- I don't think you have to wait until the younger one reaches a certain age.

I moved my DDs in together just over a year ago when they were almost 1 and almost 3 respectively. Both were good sleepers at the time, although DD2 often took a long time to settle to sleep initially and would cry and fuss a lot when left. The first week or so was a bit of a disaster as they were up for about an hour or more giggling etc, DD1 running around and DD2 bouncing up and down in the cot, then getting over tired and crying, but after the novelty had worn off the main difference was that DD2 started settling beautifully - I think the problem previously had been that she just didn't like being left on her own.

A few months on DD2 entered a habit waking phase and would wake and cry around 4am (she'd settle herself back to sleep after 5 mins or so but this went on for a couple of months and was v irritating). I don't think DD1 ever woke up. Similarly when DD1 was ill and being sick constantly and crying through the night DD2 bizarrely didn't stir - I think they've become so used to each other that they edit each others noises out and don't tend to get disturbed. This takes a little while to happen, but I think lots of people find it does - i.e. once they have adjusted they don't tend to wake up for each other's crying or disturbances. They are much happier being together, and mornings are great - on the weekends they will stay playing together in their room for ages before getting restless so DH and I get a bit of a lie in (well - 8 /8.15 ish which counts as a lie in to me!!).

I'd just go for it - move them in asap (there is no right time) and grit your teeth as the first few weeks could be a bit of a mess, but they will soon settle down and you might find it helps in some areas - eg your DD1 may be less demanding of your time when you put her to bed if the baby is in the room too.

I admit I haven't got any experience of this yet, but DC2 is due in a few weeks and will go in with DD as soon as s/he outgrows the moses basket. There really isn't space for any other option so it will have to work out.

There will be exactly 2 years between them.

DD is going straight into the lower bunk of a bunk bed which we ordered the other day and DC2 will go into the cot in the same room as her.

DD is not a great sleeper, but her biggest problem with sleeping is loneliness. She goes back to sleep pretty quickly if DH or I cuddle up next to her. I'm hoping that sharing a room will actually help rather than hinder sleep.

I also plan to be slightly more disciplined about sleep routines with DC2 than I was with DD, but time will tell....

Oh, meant to add that a friend of mine who has 3 children all pretty close together in age and enough bedrooms for them each to have their own finds that they actually want to sleep in a room together. She has one small room which is pretty much full of beds and they all sleep brilliantly , leaving her one bedroom as a play room and another as a spare room.

I'm watching this with interest too as we are hoping to move house soon and I'd like to move our 2 DCs into the same room, partly because we'd like a spare room for guests and partly because I think they'd both enjoy it.

DS (4 in April) is a pretty good sleeper, lies awake for a while after going to bed, sometimes has to do trips to loo etc., but then sleeps through... while DD (19 mo) settles pretty quickly but wakes quite a lot each night, sometimes settles herself but we are usually up twice in the night with her.

I'm quite nervous about moving them in together (mainly in case DD wakes DS a lot, though currently they can hear each other as rooms next door with doors open & thin walls!) but I think it might help DD settle being closer to her brother (who she adores).

(PS. Beforesunrise - I am with you on reading all the books on sleep available, and still despair at my DD )

Also watching with interest as we have 2 DSs, aged 2 and 3 and want to move them in together. They've slept in the same room when visiting my mum and it's gone fine, but our only concern and the only thing that is stopping us is naptime. DS2 still really needs a nap, but ds1 is starting to drop his - some days he conks out and others he just lies in bed wittering and singing, so it wouldn't really work to have them in together. So not quite sure what to do. Which is not much help I realise, except to say that when we've tried them in teh same room at night time it's been absolutely fine.

thanks everyone. dd1 actually keeps asking about sleeping with her baby sister, i think she'd love it...i suppose the real problem is that dd2 does not go to sleep by herself, i let her fall asleep in my arms, i know, that's wrong, but she settles soooo quickly this way, leaving me time to sort out dd1 who needs her stories, cuddles, trips to the loo, etc etc. that's why i haven't tried to teach her to fall asleep independently.

i suppose we could do dd1's bedtime routine in the living room (ie milk and stories) and then tell her that she has to go to bed quiet as a mouse not to wake her sister, but we finally got to the stage where she looks forward to going to bed and i don't want to rock the boat.

perhaps i shoudl work on teaching dd2 to settle by herself... gosh this is HARD!

PS Lulu.. that's what i told myself when i was pregnant but if anything i have been even worse with dd2 i think it's because now i know that she will eventually outgrow the cuddles stage and i don't want to give it up!!

best laid plans, eh.

My DD hasn't outgrown cuddles. She still wants cuddles to get to sleep. And again at 1am and 3am and....

Are their bedtimes wildly different?

Could you tuck yourself into bed with DD1 and read her stories while DD2 goes to sleep in your arms and then pop DD2 into her cot when she is asleep?

My children had quite similar sleep patterns to yours when we moved them in together. Ds used to fall asleep in seconds, dd needed a story and would lie awake for a while. After we moved them in together, for a while ds just fell asleep within seconds and we carried on with dd's story. Eventually ds twigged that he could get back rubs and a story too, so started taking a bit longer to fall asleep. But that's still fine. I think you could just rock your dd2 to sleep while you tell dd1 a story couldn't you?

I actually find it easier having them in the same room at bedtime, dh is often not home by then so if they were in separate rooms one of them would be waiting for me to come and put them to bed.

They do not tend to wake each other up during the night - they just seem to get used to each other's cries and sleep through them. Ds does occasionally wake dd when he wakes early e.g. 5am, which is annoying but doesn't happen often.

Go for it!