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Original poster

What sort of age is it realistic to expect babies to settle themselves?

28 replies

MrsHD · 18/01/2009 15:55

Just wondering. Max at 19 days seems to be too young for everything except sleeping to his own agenda and feeding all hours of the day and night, which I know is bang on for 19 days and won't last forever, however it feels!

Once or twice we've put him down at the eyes open/eyes closed dozy stage and he's settled himself to sleep, but it's not usually successful. It may be he's far far too young for this, but just wondered what the general consensus was?

Thanks.

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Divineintervention · 18/01/2009 15:58

OMG 19 days???? I would say it depends on the child. DS1&2 both had dummies and were born settled, so it seems, dd1 settled after eight months, and ds3 is 10 weeks and doesn't settle himself. If babies were good at this noone would buy a vibrating chair, rocker or swing!!

IAmTheNewQueenOfMN · 18/01/2009 16:00

about 3 years

Habbibu · 18/01/2009 16:03

dd started to get the hang of it at about 8 months - happily fed to sleep until then. She's a pretty good sleeper now. Please don't expect too much of your wee one, and roll your eyes at any mention of rods and backs - it is FINE to cuddle/feed/rock to sleep for ages.

MrsMattie · 18/01/2009 16:03

Crikey, I dunno. Not 19 days though. Why so keen to get him to 'settle himself'.? What's wrong with settling him?

Twims · 18/01/2009 16:04

4 months

Habbibu · 18/01/2009 16:09

MrsM, I think it's quite easy for new parents to be bombarded with the idea that babies should settle themselves - a lot of books do say that, plus deluded friends, relatives and HVs. My HV was trying to get us to get dd to self-settle at 6 weeks. Thankfully my mum told us that was nonsense, and I just fed her to sleep for ages, and it was lovely.

plj · 18/01/2009 16:15

My DT'S are 9 mths now and sometimes I will still help to settle them at night. I don't necessarily stay with them until they are asleep, but still like to rub their heads and sing to them until they are settled. I know then they will roll over, get comfy and go to slep. I do it more for enjoyment than necessity. I treasure the early days when my DS loved being held and rocked to sleep. Now he just wriggles to get out of my arms and put down to play Maybe that's a boy thing! It's like he's saying "Get off me mum!"
Enjoy the cuddles and oppurtunity to settle him now.

MrsMattie · 18/01/2009 16:18

Sorry, didnt mean to sound so harsh and jaded! I just mean - enjoy your baby. Enjoy cuddling him to sleep. Very soon there will come a stage when he says 'yuck, go away and dont kiss me, mum!'

MrsMattie · 18/01/2009 16:19

cross posts@plj

PinkTulips · 18/01/2009 16:19

for my 2... sort of at just over a year.... properly got the hang of it at 2ish.

relax.... ignore all the crap you read about 'putting baby down awake but sleepy'.... i can tell you from experiance trying that nonsense just leads to heartache and tears (mother and baby!).

just let him fall asleep wherever he likes and worry about self sothing when he's a toddler.

the best way to cope with a young baby imo is to have them with you at all times for the first few months, feed on demand and let them fall in and out of sleep as they like.... then once they're sleeping for reasonably longish stretched (a couple of hours) start popping them up in their cot once they've fallen asleep so you get a bit of a break while they sleep

AliceTheCamelHasGotTheHump · 18/01/2009 16:20

Between 2 and 3 years I reckon.

Original poster
MrsHD · 18/01/2009 16:20

Nothing wrong with settling him if it worked - he'll be wide awake 5 mins after being put down, and if he could settle himself then he'd be better rested even if he did wake 5 mins after going down, rather than getting in a rage as he seems to. That's why we're co-sleeping so he's less disturbed to feed at night and in theory can go back to sleep more easily. He dozes off on the boob but will still often wake quite soon afterwards for another go.

I have been bombarded Habbibu, that;s why I was looking for a general idea. A few months old rings a bell with DD, who has been a good sleeper for ages now but was tricky earlier on.

Oh well, just have to roll with it all for now!

OP posts:
Haylstones · 18/01/2009 16:21

12 months for my dd. About 6 months for my ds

PinkTulips · 18/01/2009 16:23

[sigh] i do know how to spell honestly!

lollipopmother · 19/01/2009 20:23

I'm just starting to put DD into her cot awake and she's just turned 4 months, she settles herself but I read her a story until she is asleep rather than just leaving her on her own.

JoandMax · 20/01/2009 08:44

My LO is happy going off to sleep on his own in his cot (6 months now) but when he wakes in the night he needs me to hold him, shush him, pat back until he's asleep then I pop him back. He has occassionally resettled himself but not a consistent thing yet!

The whole range of reasons you get not to hold/feed them to sleep is nonsense in my opinion, they will all get there in their own time and better to let a baby do things when they are ready rather than being influenced by a book or HV.

My LO used to love being cuddled to sleep until he was about 3 months but hates it now which I'm sad about as I really enjoyed it, looking at his lovely little face all peaceful, cosy on the sofa....... Arrghhh, I'm so broody for another baby, loved that tiny newborn phase!!

hazeyjane · 20/01/2009 08:56

Um, dd1 is 2.10 and dd2 is 20 months, neither of them settle themselves

alittlebitshy · 20/01/2009 09:00

thank you for starting this

My ds is 6 months as we still cuddle him to sleep (in the night he smetimes feeds to sleep).

My dd self settled from mega early so I have no real gauge of what is realistic.

Sounds like we're doing the right thing cuddling him

Bellini12 · 20/01/2009 10:01

Am going through it at the moment with my DD - trying desperately to get her to self settle (she is just over 5 mths). My other DD learnt at 5.5 mths - it was much easier after that I have to say.

With my 2nd I was desperate to get her into a routine, but I was given the advice to 'enjoy the cuddles as they won't last long' and I totally agree. You can't get those early days back! So worry about this later when they are bigger and more aware of their surroundings - it makes it easier too.

alittlebitshy · 20/01/2009 12:45

a Question: How do you know when they are ready to self settle? Will one day ds just roll over and go off to sleep or will it be trial and error?

BonsoirAnna · 20/01/2009 12:49

About 3 years old?

TJuice · 20/01/2009 12:53

i read somewhere that around 4 months, habits start to form, whether good or bad.

i wasn't aware of that and rocked and dummied to sleep until my back was so sore and we had just had enough.

if you are going to settle with whatever method, be prepared to do it for a long time and have to continue to do it when they resurface into light sleep in the middle of the night. if you enjoy that and the cuddles, then its fine.

after we got rid of the dummy and the rocking, my lo just went to sleep easily and slept 7 until 6 - i guess when she woke up she just put herself back to sleep.

i prefer the daytime cuddles when i am not so sleep deprived!

but before 4 months, i would do whatever to get them to sleep happily. if i could go back though, i would have put her down sleepy now and again, to see if she would settle herself and get her used to it.

francagoestohollywood · 20/01/2009 12:56

I don't think there is a general consensus, as children are all different.
Ds learnt to self settle (fall asleep on his own) when he was around 3 yrs old.

Dd self settled occasionally since day 1. By the time she was 5 months, she felt asleep on her own, in her cot.

francagoestohollywood · 20/01/2009 12:57

felt? fell

morningpaper · 20/01/2009 12:58

I think about 3 years