On the verge of a breakdown - HELP!

[winnie11]

My 11month old will go down sort of ok but then wakes at 9pm and screams until we put him in bed with us, we have tried everything but nothing works. I suffer with PND so although I have tried controlled crying I felt absolutely sick to the stomach listening to him. My health visitor says just let him cry and go in now and again but I dont want my baby to cry himself to sleep. Last night we got 2 hours sleep and my partner works shifts so we need the sleep - Help!

Hi Winnie11

My little treasure is 9 mths and since Xmas we've been having at least 3 night wakings. After much 'discussion' with my husband on the controlled crying subject. I finally gave in and decided to try it on Sunday, basically because he wouldn't go down. (I was really anti-cc before this!) Anyway after three 5 minute checks (with him sobbing his heart out, which broke my heart) I finally gave in and picked him up and he fell asleep on my shoulder within 2 secs at 21:30. He then went through till 07:00 and I woke up with mixed feelings. However, I tried again on Mon and it took 2 5 min checks with the last one me just rubbing his back, then Tues he was asleep within 3 mins!! I can't believe it! Half of me wishes I tried it long ago and the other half still feels guilty for letting him cry! I guess us Mums just can't win - BUT at least I'm getting some much needed sleep. He went through again last night from 19:00 to 6:00 and I'm hoping that we're on the right road. Hope this has provided so hope support - I know exactly how you feel!

winnie
my first baby i hated hearing her cry and it broke my heart, but you cant function on no/little sleep, 2nd time round ds has cried, i havent even got the time or energy to do c/c with him so i go in and out irregularly to check him esp, at 4am, and honestly it is working, he cries less and less when he wakes in the night (nearly 7mths) so i dont feel as upset, plus when it is time to get up he always has a big smile for me .
by the way dd is fine too, for all the crying she did, she loves bed now and her naps (2+4)

i too had mild pnd so and got so frustrated angry upset over it that i had to let him cry to give myslef the break.

Same here. Terrible PND made worse by sleep deprivation. I discovered that watching the clock was essential as 10 minutes of crying feels like sooo much longer. He was well over a year when I finally broke down and tried it. Now he just wakes up once in the night and our lives are much much better!

Oh Winnie, I am sorry - it takes me back nearly 5 years to when DS1 was like this! Honestly, CC does work, it's really hard for a night or two but you'll be amazed how quickly your little one will settle. He won't cry himself to sleep again and he won't remember when he did! On the other hand unless you get some sleep you'll be no good for him or yourself. Good luck.

Winnie, I know just how you feel. With DS1 & 2 I just could not let them cry and suffered from lack of sleep literally for 2 or 3 yrs. I used CC for DS3 from the start and bingo, happy mother, happy child.
Do you have a room where you cannot hear the crying from? Sounds silly but I found using a monitor with a light display with no volume helped my resolve. I knew he was crying but my stomach didn't churn if I couldn't hear him. It only took a few days and I am SO glad I did it.
Good luck

winnie, so when you take him into bed with you he still doesn't sleep? If so, what does he do? Is he crying in bed with you too? I'm just wondering because you said you only got 2 hours sleep. If co-sleeping helps and you're fine with it and really don't want to do cc, then just stick with that. But if you end up with no sleep even co-sleeping there doesn't seem much point in doing it especially if he's awake crying in bed with you.

My dd slept very well from about 10 weeks until 15 months when everything went out the window. I was totally anti-cc but after trying everything else and barely being able to function on so little sleep we did cc. It was horrible for about 5 nights, the worst being a 2-hour stretch of her calling for me over and over at 4am. I shudder to remember it even now. But things improved relatively quickly after that and since then she's been a really good sleeper again. She's 2.5 now.

Whether or not you try cc I do recommend Richard Ferber's book 'solve your child's sleep problems', the chapter on 'what your child associates with sleep' as it puts into words very clearly how and why sleep problems occur. You might find you can change some things without having to do cc. And if you do decide to do cc then he also gives a very clear account of how to do it.

winnie11, hi, I have a 7 month old, who was waking very very frequently through the night, like you I could not face controlled crying, so we used the babywhisperer pick up put down method. ds did cry as he was used to being breastfed to sleep, but I knew that either I or dh were with him comforting him and he wasn't being left to cry on his own. Ds doesn't sleep through but is sleeping for much longer periods, and I am okay at the moment with one or two wakings. Hope this helps.