Cry for help… 4.5 month old sleep

[ShySlipper]

My LO is a week shy of 5 months old. He’s never been a great sleeper and we’ve had reflux issues and he also has a cows milk protein allergy. He refuses to take reflux meds, and refuses prescribed formula (he was always combi fed previously), so I’m now exclusively breastfeeding.

We’re waiting on a paediatric referral for his reflux issues. Since refusing his meds he has been more irritable and has more sick, this doesn’t seem to bother him massively.

But his sleep…. He’s never been a great sleeper. I used to bottle feed formula overnight as I found his nights were slightly better. Now I’m breastfeeding they are horrendous. He does a 2 hour stretch, then up every hour. He won’t settle back down without feeding, even if it’s only for a minute. I did resort to co sleeping following safe sleep 7 and starting the night in his cot and bringing him to bed around 2-3am. However this morning I woke to find he had got himself perpendicular to me face down (he can roll onto tummy confidently, but not back yet). Honestly, this has really scared me.

I’m exhausted, I’m anxious, and I’m at a loss with what to do.

We have a bedtime routine which finishes with a feed of expressed breast milk. After this he will go down in his cot, drowsy/sleepy but eyes open and put himself to sleep. I know he’s capable. I use constant white noise overnight. I’ve tried adding a layer in case he was cold. Not feeding on wakes but he won’t go back down.

He also won’t nap for any longer than exactly 32 minutes during the day. I understand this is developmental, and wondered if his lack of daytime sleep may be impacting. But there are days I’ve managed to increase this and it’s made little difference.

Very very tired mum looking for any advice please 🙏

I'm so sorry you're at this stage. It's brutal isn't it! You're right in the middle of the 4 month sleep regression, it will pass eventually but does feel like forever when you're in it!

I would guess your main problem is him not taking his anti-reflux meds. Do you also hold him upright for at least 20 mins after a feed before laying him down?

Solidarity. Been there and got the T-Shirt. It will end!!

It's the 4 month sleep regression and it's absolutely brutal. My DS had awful reflux too (puked all the time but was never unhappy with it thankfullt). Do you have a partner you can share the nights with? I used to go to bed at 8pm and grab every second of sleep that I could despite all the wakes, I sometimes only got 20 minutes at a time but it all adds up. My husband would sleep in the spare room and then take the baby in the morning and I could catch up a little sleep then too. Also, I did feed to sleep for every wake just for easiness.

It all resolved on it's own after 8 weeks so hopefully you haven't got long left!

Does he have a dummy? Will he take a dummy? If he's only feeding for a minute then he isn't hungry, he's sucking for comfort. You need to find another way to comfort him.

How does he eat during the day? On demand? Or does he have a loose schedule? Is he eating more in the day than at night?

He refuses a dummy now too. He used to take them consistently then one day just stopped, and gets mad if I try to give him one!

He has a loose schedule, but I do offer feeds in between if he seems hungry and to ensure he gets plenty of calories during the daytime. He definitely feeds for longer periods during the day.

Ah so sorry, the 4 month sleep regression is terrible! Do you have a partner? For us, we took it in turns in very long blocks - 8pm til 8am: one of us takes baby for the first 6 hours, then hands over to the other for the next 6 hours. Could that be feasible for you?

I’m still currently living with my now ex partner (his choice to split when LO was 3 months old). We’re trying to do split shifts. Although for the past 4 months I’ve typically been the one to put him to sleep for any nap and overnight wake so he struggles to settle with him. Also doesn’t help that he’ll only take the boob at the moment!

It is tough! I feel like he’s been in a regression for the whole 4 months. He’s never slept well 😅

Yes hold him upright etc! Seems to help very little if I’m honest.

I would feed on the first wake, encourage him to take as much as possible. Then don't offer milk again for three hours. Any wakes between the feeds I would comfort within the cot. This can be shush and pat or what I find even more effective is the nose/face stroke. Or any other similar method, so he's being comforted but without being picked up or fed. I would continue this through the night. Feeding every three hours, comforting without milk in between.

Ideally someone else would do the comforting between feeds, but I see from your posts this might be difficult to negotiate.

The only thing I can say is it does get easier. My ADHD DD didn't sleep through until she was nearly 5. Those exhausted years are now a blur. As she got older, she'd tell me she never slept and spent all night looking at the wall. Bless her.

Thank you. Will give it a shot. He does seem to escalate whenever I try and shush pat in his cot, maybe the face strokes might work! I find whenever I pick him up even if I try to rock him to sleep he ends up trying to root down to the boob… so maybe keeping him in the cot will help.

If you're interested in some gentle sleep training to help baby learn to get to sleep independently I've always found this company helpful. I've bought and used her courses for my own son.

This is her guide about the 4 month sleep regression:
https://justchillbabysleep.co.uk/2020/02/25/the-4-month-sleep-regression-progression/

I think he will escalate because he wants the boob! That's his favourite comfort and fair enough, right? But he doesn't NEED the boob. He's not hungry and he can be shown love and comfort in another way (gentle physical contact, patting/stroking). What he DOES need is sleep and a Mum who isn't so tired she's going to have a breakdown. Babies don't know what they need. Don't be afraid to know what's best for him and insist on it!

If your milk dried up tomorrow or you ran away or became unavailable for other reasons he wouldn't cry himself to death, he'd take a bottle and let his Dad/another caring adult comfort him to sleep with cuddles/pats/rocking. He absolutely can and will settle without your nipple in his mouth!

With the face strokes, go down his nose and over his eyes. As you go down he will close his eyes instinctively and eventually they just stay closed because they've fallen asleep!

Good luck, it's a really hard phase. You're doing a great job.

OP you should absolutely not be restricting feeds at that age, day or night. If boob works for settling quickly then do it, don’t waste time or sleep trying other things. Breastfeeding is not just for hunger.
Look at the possums method, frequent feeds and days full of rich sensory experiences for baby are what works. Cosleep unless you have a reason not to like you smoke.

OP my child's sleep was awful from 4.5-6 months. Truly horrendous weeks, felt like I was going to die of exhaustion. I have no advice but wanted to offer hope - from 6.5months he was napping well in the day and only waking once at night. He then soon started sleeping through the night and that's how it's been ever since apart from if he's unwell (now 6).