I need help.
Content: cosleep, bf on demand prior to beginning weaning. She usually gets up at 645, sleeps 1-230/3 and goes to bed at 8pm. My weaning goal isn't to end breastfeeding but to help find new ways to regulate, and gain back some space for me.
I've been setting breastfeeding boundaries with my now 19m old since mid July. I started with daytime boundaries, limiting feeds in length and frequency. A month later I partially night weaned. She still feeds to sleep, and then not again until 5am.
She started sleeping longer stretches, would wake once or twice before 5 and resettle without boob, and then feed at 5 and sleep until 645.
The last 2 weeks she has been needing to stay latched at 5am in order to stay asleep. I've been trying to sit up and feed her and then put her back down. But she wakes immediately, demands more milk, and if I dont say yes she screams and cries. Our day has started at 5am, or 4am for the past 2 weeks and we're both exhausted.
I feel like the boundaries I have in place have just made her anxious. I feel like she is worried about when she can have boob next and gets very upset when I keep the boundaries, and I know this is norma, but I feel like it's been SO long without much progress. I am trying to be consistent with when she can have it (on waking, after nap, after dinner, before bed and 5am) but she asks ALL day and gets very upset at night when she can't have it.
She's crying so much and so sad at night, I honestly feel like I'm doing something really wrong.
Our weaning journey is entirely parent led. I have the breastfeeding ick and really struggle with how dependent she is on me (I know it's biologically normal, but this mama needs some space)
Any advice, similar stories welcome.