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Nightweaning, boundaries and lots of crying

9 replies

FruitPoppet · 15/10/2026 06:44

I need help.

Content: cosleep, bf on demand prior to beginning weaning. She usually gets up at 645, sleeps 1-230/3 and goes to bed at 8pm. My weaning goal isn't to end breastfeeding but to help find new ways to regulate, and gain back some space for me.

I've been setting breastfeeding boundaries with my now 19m old since mid July. I started with daytime boundaries, limiting feeds in length and frequency. A month later I partially night weaned. She still feeds to sleep, and then not again until 5am.

She started sleeping longer stretches, would wake once or twice before 5 and resettle without boob, and then feed at 5 and sleep until 645.

The last 2 weeks she has been needing to stay latched at 5am in order to stay asleep. I've been trying to sit up and feed her and then put her back down. But she wakes immediately, demands more milk, and if I dont say yes she screams and cries. Our day has started at 5am, or 4am for the past 2 weeks and we're both exhausted.

I feel like the boundaries I have in place have just made her anxious. I feel like she is worried about when she can have boob next and gets very upset when I keep the boundaries, and I know this is norma, but I feel like it's been SO long without much progress. I am trying to be consistent with when she can have it (on waking, after nap, after dinner, before bed and 5am) but she asks ALL day and gets very upset at night when she can't have it.

She's crying so much and so sad at night, I honestly feel like I'm doing something really wrong.

Our weaning journey is entirely parent led. I have the breastfeeding ick and really struggle with how dependent she is on me (I know it's biologically normal, but this mama needs some space)

Any advice, similar stories welcome.

OP posts:
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LizandDerekGoals · 15/10/2026 06:51

This sounds bonkers to me. And i considered having a third to get my second to stop breastfeeding! I understand limiting frequency, but not length. That makes no sense to me at all.

FruitPoppet · 15/10/2026 06:57

Can I ask what the bonkers part is? If I let her feed as long as she likes, she would feed for 30-40 minutes a time.

OP posts:
FruitPoppet · 15/10/2026 06:58

And I would appreciate if you had any advice or support, not just criticism.

OP posts:
Aaloyisha · 15/10/2026 06:58

I’ve also had a boob obsessed toddler, so I know how (literally! ) draining it is.

I suspect your boundaries are confusing her. She’s too little to understand the rules, so she just thinks that sometimes you randomly decide she can’t have it.

In my case (with two kids) found it much better for both of us to go cold turkey. There was initial upset (from DD1, DD2 didn’t care so much). But it was done and dusted in a couple of days, rather than dragging it out which seems ‘gentle’ on paper but I don’t think actually is.

SpringOne · 18/10/2026 07:28

Sympathy, weaning was really tough for me and my little one too. It sounds like tweaking the boundaries to be a bit easier for her to understand might help, I initially tried something a bit similar to you with the time cutoff overnight and it just didn't work for us even though I know it's quite a common approach.
I had success when I day weaned completely, this was easier for little one to understand as I could explain milk is for bedtime, and in the day we can have food, water and cuddles. Repeated this a lot and it took a month or so to stop asking but did work. Id recommend this for the feeling touched out/overwhelmed part.
This gave me the space to feel like I could work on nights down the line, I started offering water and cuddles at every wake instead of milk, but would feed if asked. Then we started getting the odd occasion when she didn't ask. Until eventually she didn't need milk overnight any more. Still parent led but no crying.. that all took about 4/5 months.

YksiKaksiKolme · 18/10/2026 07:51

5 am start is quite normal at this age.

I agree that your BF boundries are confusing for a young child.

NorwegianForest · 18/10/2026 07:54

I agree with pp - in this situation I would go cold tutkey and wean completely.

Floppyearedlab · 18/10/2026 07:54

Cold turkey
There are lots of lovely age appropriate ways to share time and comfort

SquirrelBlue · 18/10/2026 08:01

I'm considering night weaning my toddler but haven't got very far yet so can't advise from experience. But one thing I've read is about setting a night light or something to show them when it's time to feed. We've got a Yoto and the light changes green when it's morning. I think the gro clock could be used in the same way. I don't know if you've already tried something like that but something visible for her to see if it's feeding time in the morning might be helpful.
Good luck.

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