2yo refusing ALL sleep, no idea what to do

[potentialdogowner]

Need desperate help with my 2yo. From a year old he always slept well, into cot awake and fell asleep independently and slept through (I know this is lucky, my oldest has always been a poor sleeper).

But for the last 4/5 days he has been refusing ALL sleep. He used to nap a couple hours in his cot, or a shorter one in the car if out. But now he just hysterically screams when it’s sleep time - if he’s tired and in the car he just screams (did a 30 mins drive other day to try at nap time and he screamed whole time), he won’t go in his cot and is climbing out, he won’t lie in our bed with us he just screams and runs away.

Today he was so tired after nursery (refused nap there too) he fell asleep eating dinner at 5pm, so we tried for a 6pm bedtime. Offered him cot or our bed, he just wanders around saying no (not much language).

Eventually I put him in his cot and just kept him there, me sat next to him so he couldn’t climb out and offering reassurance or hugs. He just pushes me away and has been currently doing this awful screaming crying for 1 hr and 25 mins.

Literally at a loss what to do. The times he has slept the last few days at bedtime has been when he’s worked himself up so much that he eventually lets us guide him to our bed and lie and sleep there. But bedtime is taking hours, and then he wakes early, and then refuses his nap he is chronically overtired now.

But I’m literally at a loss what to do. Like I said I’ve had a bad sleeper before, but nothing like this sudden change of behaviour.

To add, he’s fine in the day - doesn’t seem ill. Just a bit grumpy from tiredness. We have had a general escalation in tantrums about really random things too.

Help please, anyone.

Hmm, my first thought was molars coming through? Have you tried calpol to see if it helps him at night time? He might just be too in pain to relax and gets massively overtired hence the screaming. I could be barking up the entirely wrong tree but that would be the first thing I’d try

Thank you, we have tried Calpol last few nights. It doesn’t seem to help. what’s is confusing me is that is seems that any sign of sleep he just fights it. I literally can’t believe he’s been screaming for almost two hours now, it’s so unlike him. And I don’t know whether to carry on with him in the cot and us next to him, or to get him out. But I can’t have his bedtime routine become ‘scream for an hour and eventually give in and sleep in parents bed’. I don’t know why he won’t just accept a cuddle or our bed straight away, why he has to get himself so worked up first. In tears over it all as feel so helpless.

I also first thought molars, although I'd try ibuprofen rather than Calpol as I found that worked better. But half an hour before you start bedtime so it's got a chance to work.

Sounds exhausting and stressful 😢 can you take the side off his cot, put a baby gate on the door of the room, wall tie any furniture and remove anything interesting and take your book up. He can cuddle or potter or sleep on the floor if he wants, and you're there but very boring?

I’ll check molars in the morning - it could well be, but he doesn’t seem in pain in the day, jisy cries at nap and bedtime.

For anyone else reading this, he has finally given in after 2 hours 30 mins of crying/screaming. I stayed with him the whole time and he eventually lay down and just fell asleep.

im completly done in though, in tears next to him, and don’t know how I’m going to cope with it all again tomorrow 😢

I’d try Calpol and ibuprofen half an hour before bed time as pp suggested.
Is he pooing as normal as they can be uncomfortable if they’ve a bit of constipation?
If you played with him upstairs or he watched some CBeebies would he just nod off where he is? Then he’d fall asleep without the crying and hopefully be less tired tomorrow.
Would more exercise help? Such as a short walk round the block before bed.
I’ve a bad sleeper and a good sleeper. When the good sleeper won’t sleep it’s because she’s ill or in pain. The bad sleeper never sleeps without a fight

Thank you, I’ll try calpol before bed tomorrow. I think he started refusing nap/bedtime for some reason and now it’s just snowballed as he’s so overtired. I think he gets enough exercise and outside time, as we go for a walk everyday. And his toiletting seems normal too.

I’ve always just gone with the flow with the many regressions / changes with my kids, but this one just totally stumps me as it seems whatever I do doesn’t work. I’d like to try what pp said and proof room etc, but unfortunately he shares with his brother and was disturbing his sleep, so I put a travel cot up in our room to give us options and that’s where he is now.

I’ll try and update tomorrow to help anyone else going through similar.

Well to update, today has gone better. Managed to lie with him in our bed for his nap (took 15 mins to fall asleep), and the same again for bedtime (in there for 45 mins..). No crying! Really hope he gets over this soon and we can get him back in his cot.

Update. It’s been two weeks and things are still awful. We took the side off his cot after I posted and have lying next to his cot bed for bedtimes and naps with a baby gate in the door. It’s mixed results though - sometimes he’s happy to go in and sleep but mostly he screams and riots against it.

two weeks of this hell and not sure how much longer either of us can cope. No idea what on earth is wrong with him.

edit to confirm that we have been sitting or lying next to him while he falls asleep, so he isn’t crying alone. if we leave the room it makes it worse.

Get a proper bed. Mine is just turned 2, and has been in a single bed for a year now (on the floor). She loves it, we do always lie with her when she’s falling asleep for nap and bedtime though but we can’t see any reason to stop. Maybe a bed, get him to choose new bedding and make it really exciting?

Also when mine is kicking off (it’s usually on no nap days, so she is overtired) I wear noise cancelling headphones with Radio 3 on, lights off and I lie in bed with her, i don’t say anything, I just let her get it all out, give cuddles jf she wants.

Stab in the dark here, but is the house too hot or cold?

Reading your update really took me back to the weeks our three-year-old suddenly turned bedtime into a full contact sport. It came out of nowhere for us too, and that was almost the hardest part: you keep waiting for the old sleeper to come back.

Two things genuinely helped us. First, we made the routine boring and identical every night, same order, same short phrase at the end, and no negotiating once the lights were low. It felt like it was doing nothing for about a week and then it just clicked. Second, we brought bedtime slightly earlier when ours was overtired, because the more tired ours got the wilder the protests got.

I hope the pattern breaks soon. Two weeks of that would finish anyone, so be as kind to yourself as you are being to him.

It sounds like maybe hes ready to get rid of the nap but that by bedtime hes wildly dysregulated without it and that is making falling asleep difficult. He is also probably more aware of you leaving. Mine was fine for 18m and all of a sudden at 2.5 could no longer sleep alone. If he missed a nap he was a mess by 6pm but if we put him to bed at that time he would be up at the Crack of dawn. I dont think you should force a nap if hes not tired, but try and do a long ish calming bedtime routine to allow an earlier bed. If he naps I would say push bed later as if hes getting ready to drop it and does nap he may not be tired by 7.30 to sleep - mine had to move bed to 8.30 if they napped at that age. If you're aiming for 12hours plus a nap they may not need that now

Thank you everyone! I think the over tiredness is key, and the sudden realisation about separation now he’s older. Will keep things really consistent and see how that goes. We probably have been chopping and changing too much in a bid to just get him to sleep.

Sometimes earache can cause these issues.

It might be worth getting the GP just to check.