stuck in co sleep transition, new baby nearly here, help me!

[pinkum]

my ds is 17 months. i co slept with him and loved it, got im on a mattress in his own room but despite my best efferts and impending baby in 10 weeks he gets realy arsey if i try to leave the bed and go into my own room, he screams merry hell if my dh trys to comfert him. my waist length hair is his security blanket even though i have taken to putting it back and wearing a head scalf. im just not doing controled crying, but dont rish in, although if i leave it too long he wakes right up and it takes even longer. im getting ealy tired with heavy baby and sleepless night,
someone answer please, i normay get no reply on this.

mmm well i had thought there might be no answer to this one anyway,

Really feel for you. It must be difficult. I co-slept with both my DCs but with both I stopped it earlier at around 7 months. With DS I did controlled crying, but later I regretted it and with DD I have done it without controlled crying. So I understand not wanting to do CC. Maybe let your DH persist with being the one to (try to) comfort him in the night. Best of luck with this and the new baby.

seeing as you normally get no reply, I'd better reply then

ds1 was like this, still is, but doesn't stroke my hair half as much now he's a big boy of 5 1/2.

I can just tell you what I would do, with the benefit of hindsight. I would chuck dh out and let ds1 sleep in bed with you so you both get a good nights sleep. then when ds2/dd1 has arrived, let him stay in the bed with you (you might want to get a new bed though!!) until he feels happy about moving back out again (ds not dh lol). sorry, I know it is crap advice, but all I'm thinking is rather than getting hung up on getting him to sleep in his own bed/worrying about how you will cope when baby comes along, just do what you need to to get a bit of a kip.

I agree with tellnoone. Could your dh get more involved in bathtime and bedtime generally? Maybe reading ds his stories / giving him his milk. Maybe that would help ds to accept his dad as a comforting sleep time person.

We were in a very similar situation and have dealt with it temporarily by putting dp and dd in the spare bed, and myself and new ds in our bed. It's not ideal, but it's a good compromise and everyone gets some sleep.

Or, depending on how heavy a sleeper ds is, could you sleep in the middle between ds and the new baby when it arrives? I've had a few nights with both children in with me. My ds is not quite 3 weeks old.

I had this with DS not accepting DP's attempts to comfort him. I did bedtime but thereafter DP went in each time DS needed settling. If DS got really hysterical I stepped in, so that was every single time at first. But slowly it got so that DP could rock him to sleep, and now DP can settle him better than me sometimes! It did take a good few weeks though, and we didn't ever let DS get really really upset. Maybe getting your DH to spend more time caring for your DS in the daytime will help them bond better too? Don't know if any of that's helpful, just a few thoughts. Hope you get it fixed soon

hay eveyone thanks for that. my dh douse put in alot of time with ds but i stepped in on bed time for a bit of peace when it was harder work to sort it out each night after dh had tryed his best with screaming i want mummy dh, i just felt sorry for them bt dh realy misses the sleepy time together.
i just find i run so hot and cold on what to do when i get family and freinds trying to tell me what to do, its hard line mummy or just want some peace mummy. and i do love cuddling my boy. but dont want him to feel pushed out by the new baby.
anyway nearly my bed time.

having said this, dh has said we can all sleep in a big bed when newbie arrives.

Ignore family and friends. Listen to mumsnet. You should know this by now!

just wanted to add how things have worked out for us
ds1 was always v close to me and was 17 months when ds2 was born, he was v jealous and it was hard cos he'd always been so clingy at night as well
we didn't have much choice (unless going to do the full cc etc) but to let him stay in bed with us and newly arrived ds2 but dh got a lot more involved with ds2 from the beginning. so I would feed ds2 then dh would change his nappy/rock him etc while I helped ds1 settle to sleep. ds1 has remained v much a 'mummy's boy' in the nicest way, he still creeps into our bed sometimes at night. ds2 coslept with us til he was just over a year then he moved into his own bed easily and has stayed there ever since. I don't know what lessons or advice there is for you. but I would not get stressed about getting him into a routine etc. he is prob unsettled about the new baby coming and clinging to you more because of it.
you need a big bed though!

and another thing, dousnt ds1 get woken up by newbie and get crankey if you end up all co sleeping together? anyone got any experience of this?

yes, this did happen at first, used to drive me mad. but that's why I had dh settling ds2/changing nappy etc while I got ds1 back to sleep
ds1 soon tuned out the crying. in a way it worked well cos he slept behind me so he could stroke my hair while I could feed ds2 lying down on the other side