Worst night ever - so upset

[Stefka]

Last night my DS who is five months was just awful. Tried to put him down for seven - took an hour to get him to sleep but the clock change probably had something to do with that. He slept for two hours, woke up - took an hour to get him back down. Slept for three hours then woke up and it took me three hours to get him back down. He then slept for an hour before he got up for the day. On my fifth attempt at getting him to sleep I started crying when he woke up again.

I am using stuff from the no cry sleep solution but don't seem to be getting any where. I am so desperate and unhappy and tired I don't know what to do. I feel like a shit mum who can't get her baby to sleep and I feel physically awful. This is starting to get me down.

You poor thing, it is terrible when you get so tired. Could your DS be teething or have a bit of a cold which makes him particularly grouchy?

Are you able to get anyone else to help at night or do you have to get up every time?

If it helps my DD was awful for the first clocks change (we started preparing for this one early!) and it took her about 3 days to settle down. Although she has necver been a brilliant sleeper she now (at 8 months) goes through or wakes only once most nights with the odd night from hell so I think it does get better.

Five months was an awful time for DS's sleep too, like you I ended up crying some nights. Not much help I know but I do sympathise. Co-sleeping was the only thing that saved my sanity as I didn't have to keep getting out of bed.

It did get better around 6/7 months, now he is 13mo and sleeps like a dream, so there is hope. It is hideous at the time, though. And it really doesn't make you a shit mum, lots of us have gone through it, some babies just take a looong time to get the sleeping thing.

It really isn;t anything you are doing/not doing, 5 months is an awful time for many babies (DS was a nightmare at this age as well). It is so wearing, isn't it? I just dreaded night time as I knew I would be battling all night, and even if he did have a better night I would be awake worrying about whether he would wake up...

It is a phase though, and it will get better. I honestly don;t think there's a lot you can do at this stage to change anything, so go for whatever works for you. Can you get your partner to take over for a night or two so you can get some rest? Can you sleep at all during the day? Do you have any friends or family nearby who could take him out for a couple of hours so you can collapse on the sofa?

It's got to be phase because I am going insane! It's been like this for a couple of months now. He used to sleep pretty well - at least 6 hours. Now three hours in a row is a good night. I too dread the nights.

He's a terrible napper too so I can't catch up in the day and sadly my family are too far away to help. I really hope things get better soon. I can cope with getting up a couple of times in the night but he's often up about 16 times or he just won't go back to sleep like last night.

My DD2 has just turned 6 months. At 5 months 3 weeks DH and I were on last legs- she was waking 4 times a night and I was feeding her to sleep each time.

One week later she has just slept through the night 4 times consecutively (7-7 with dream feed at 10pm). How did we do it? Two nights of CC. Not for everyone I know, but have done it with both DDs now at the 6 month stage and it works.

Well never say never that is one thing I have learned about being a parent. My DH left him to cry one night when I was very ill and he'd been shocked to discover what my days are actually like. The next few days DS was really clingy and would cry whenever he couldn't see me. I then spent ages getting him to the stage where I can put him in his cot without him instantly starting to cry which is progress for him.

It's hard - I don't want to do CC but who knows - I am getting desperate. I don't think I would be able to do it properly though as I would most likely just give in.

Hi Stefka - to second what everyone says, you are not a shit mum. It is so hard and frustrating, particularly if you know lots of people whose babies are sleeping well. In some ways reading books on how to fix sleep problems can make you feel worse - I've often ended up in tears after reading sleep books because it's so hard when it doesn't work for you. I think some babies are just not good at sleeping (this is my second and my first was rubbish too). There's a book called "the fussy baby" by Dr William Sears which describes high-need babies and children which may make you feel less alone - as will all the messages of support you get here.

It's clearly getting you down - is there someone in RL who can give you emotional support over this? I never found HVs much help on this, but are there any other mums you know whose baby doesn't sleep that you can share a moan with?

Have you had a look at the Sleep is for the Weak threads? Maybe we should start our own! My ds was up at 1, 2.30, 4 and has been up since 6, so I do know how you feel!

Stefka: I don;'t think I could have done CC at 6 months, DS was just too clingy and unsettled. OTOH we did do a bit of CC at about 15 months and it worked really quickly (like you I didn;t want to rule it out). So it might want to be something you consider in the future.

I did CC at 9 months but would not have personally done it before then -- I think around that age they start to get a much better understanding of what's going on, and that you haven't been eaten by wolves if you leave the room for three minutes.

Is he showing any signs of teething?

you have my every sympathy - but you're not a shit mum. it's really hard when you seem to be surrounded by babies who sleep not to think you're doing something wrong, but you're not. i'm in exactly the same situation with my 5 mo DS and we're also using the No Cry book - with some results, but it's very slow and does feel like 2 steps forward, 3 steps back some nights!

If you're using the No Cry book it shows how patient you are and how much you must love your little one - using CC is so tempting after nights and nights of broken sleep but i know it wouldn't work with my DS - he's too little to understand, and it would break my heart for him to feel abandoned.

and my DS also slept well up until about 10wks. `just when i thought it would get better (ie. 3 months), he started waking every 1-2 hours...! So it's not you and you're not alone.

I go to bed around 8pm some nights, get DP to do the dream feed and sometimes get up to 5-6 hours straight sleep. Other times, if it's been a horrid night, DP takes DS off me around 4am, I stick in ear plugs and sleep in spare room until 8am, when DP goes to work. I;ve found that DS often doesn't need/want feeding at this time, so if it's just cuddles he needs then DP can do that while I try and sleep.

Chin up, it WILL get better xx

Have you tried pick up/put down from The Baby Whisperer. my ds2 is just 6 months and I was getting absolutely desperate. He had been really good but something changed at 3.5 months and it was not unknown for him to have me up anywhere between 5-10 times a night. I decided to co sleep and that helped a bit for about a month but in the end even that didnt help.

So, I really didnt want to do CC but I tried pu/pd and went from 11 pick ups over an hour and a half on the first night to 2 by night 4. I am stunned and sooooo happy I fee like a new woman!! Definately worth giving it a try. They do cry but you can pick them up and comfort them, so even though I hated seeing him upset I felt it was acceptable and he was crying out of tiredness.

He also has very short daytime naps but today was the first time he went down awake and fell aseep within 30 seconds with just some patting of his bottom.

good luck with whatever you try, and agree with everyone else...it does get better.

I can cope with him not sleeping through the night but I am struggling with how little he currently sleeps. I was up for three hours in the middle of the night with only two hours sleep before and an hour after and no nap time. I need more sleep than that!

With pick up/put down - did your baby cry a lot? I am worried he would just get into an awful state if I tried that.

Stefka - poor you, I do know how dreadful it is. It's not just the waking up all the time that is so exhausting, it's the STAYING AWAKE night after night for 2 or 3 hours at a time that is the absolute pits. Being woken by a baby 3 or 4 times a night is one thing, having them stay awake for hours in the night is soul destroying. Sleep depravation is not used as a form of torture for nothing.

When my ds was 4-6 months he was exactly like yours - and I was exactly like you. It got to the stage that I really thought I was going to do something terrible to him in the night or to either him or 2 year old DD in the day because I was so absolutely exhausted.

I know CC is not everyone's choice. I myself was too soft hearted with DD and never really did it, but then she was a better sleeper and also napped well in the day so I could catch up. But with DS, I personally felt that I had no choice. I was literally at the end of my tether. We did CC for three nights the DAY he turned 6 months (used Richard Ferber book) and he has slept like an angel ever since (now 4).

CC gave me a quick, effectual solution to a problem that was affecting all of us dreadfully. And although I felt it wasn't a nice thing to do to a baby, how I was with him in the night and how I was with both of them in the day wasn't nice either. Getting 7 hours unbroken sleep a night totally changed everything and I have been the model mother ever since

I really really didnt want him to cry, he just isnt a crying baby and it upsets me when he does. however, night one he just grumbled a lot and when he did cry and I picked him up he stopped immediately so that was fine as I was still able to comfort him. Night 2 he did protest a lot more and did carry on crying even when I picked him up. I just felt the difference was he was crying with tiredness and not because I had left him to cry IYKWIM. It only took 50 mins the second night to get him back to sleep so it was some crying on and off for that time not all the time.

Also, it worked so quickly and he is so much happier for sleeping that I did feel it was worth it. It wasnt a nice feeling putting him down every time though I must admit.

Now we are at 2 wakes each night and I am fine with that.

Mabe just give yourself 2 nights to try it and write down how many times you pick up and if you see an improvement you will feel encouraged to carry on, if not try something else. the bags under my eyes already look better if thats any encouragement

Hi Stefka, have you considered taking your lo to a chiropractor or cranial osteopath. Our DS2 was also a terrible sleeper wehen first born - 15 minute powernaps through the day then awake and unsettled most of the night - usually waking up during each sleep cycle. We took him to a chiropractor who specialises in babies and she discovered his neck was jammed from his ventouse delivery which was making him very uncomfortable especially when lying flat in his cot, 3 sessions and his neck was fixed as well as his sleeping - he now settles at 7 and sleeps til 3-4am ish when he wakes for a feed. When he was first born I never thought he would get to this stage as his sleep was so terrible. HTH I know how horrendous sleep deprivation is and we were prepared to try anything.

He doesn't nap in the day unless he is in the sling, car or pram so I can't sleep in the day when he does unfortunately.

The hardest bit is when he falls asleep in the night for about ten minutes - just enough time for me to get back in bed and start to fall asleep myself only to be woken again.

He just wakes up as soon as I stop moving. I don't know why as he always seems like he is deeply asleep when I get back from a walk or something. He just had a little nap on my boob so at least I got to sit down for a bit!

Stefka the other thing I used with ds1 was homeopathy. It really helped to settle him and improved his ability to nap in the daytime. I just found the nearest one to me on the Homeopath Society register and went for a consultation.

Was it expensive?

It was £45.00 and that included the remedy. It didnt work that well at first so she gave me a 2nd remedy within that price.

Hi stefka, I could have written your post a few weeks ago, DD currently 27 weeks, had been an "OK" sleeper until about 16 weeks then it got progressively worse until she was waking nearly every hour during the night and at some points took up to two hours to resettle. She would also only nap in her pushchair during the day. I took her to see a cranial osteopath a week and a half ago and have had two adjustments so far, last night she slept from 7pm until 5am! Apparently she was jammed at her neck and her pelvis, and was uncomfortable sleeping flat on her back, which explained why she liked to sleep upright in her pushchair during the day. The reason it was getting worse as she got older was because she was getting stronger and putting more strain on neck and pelvis. I can't recommend going to see a CO enough, I never thought two weeks ago we would be where we are now. She has gone back to being the happy peaceful baby she used to be! Good luck