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Original poster

My first 9 day old won't settle unless held

32 replies

MummyNads · 25/05/2022 07:18

Hi all,

Just curious to know the imaginative ways you may have conqured your newborn baby not being able to settle in anything other than your arms which of course is not practical at night because I can't get even a few hours sleep. Not comfortable to sleep with baby in my arms either in case she rolls off me and I don't want it to be a case where either my husband and I have to sacrifice sleep if she sleeps. I've tried the hot water bottle in moses basket no luck, I've tried swaddling no luck, I've tried a warm bath and big feed to knock her out no luck and I've tried white noise during sleep. She's a tad fussy but I know I need to keep in mind she is only 9 days old.

Any tips from some more experienced mummy's?

OP posts:
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Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 25/05/2022 07:19

Safe cosleeping

Original poster
MummyNads · 25/05/2022 07:20

Oh just to mention that she feeds well and when weighed she hadn't lost weight and is a great size so i know she is getting enough milk (I am breastfeeding mostly but giving her formula when with daddy so I can at least sleep for a few hours)

OP posts:
Oizys · 25/05/2022 07:20

DH and I worked in a shift pattern. I’d sleep 8-midnight maybe 1am and he’s sit up holiding sleeping baby and then we’d swap is do the midnight - 6 am shift then he’s give me an hour sleep before he has to go to work.

look at the 4th trimester … this could last a while

JuneOsborne · 25/05/2022 07:21

Not much, of anything works because she's hard wired to want that. Look up the fourth trimester.

This will pass, but not just yet. Safe cosleeping is your best bet as @Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas says.

HSKAT · 25/05/2022 07:21

Have you tried waiting until she's in a deep sleep before putting down?
I used to wait 20 mins.
Presuming you have since you've tried all the mentioned

bakewellbride · 25/05/2022 07:22

"I don't want it to be a case where either my husband and I have to sacrifice sleep if she sleeps."

I know it's not what you want but in the early weeks sleeping in shifts can be good for survival. One person sleeps and the other holds baby. Swap and repeat.

Hadalifeonce · 25/05/2022 07:22

Try a piece of your worn clothing under her tucked in like a sheet (a tee shirt or something). That way she can smell you.

Original poster
MummyNads · 25/05/2022 07:52

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 25/05/2022 07:19

Safe cosleeping

I didnt even know this existed so thanks for sharing I'm going to read a few articles about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyNads · 25/05/2022 07:54

Oizys · 25/05/2022 07:20

DH and I worked in a shift pattern. I’d sleep 8-midnight maybe 1am and he’s sit up holiding sleeping baby and then we’d swap is do the midnight - 6 am shift then he’s give me an hour sleep before he has to go to work.

look at the 4th trimester … this could last a while

This seems like a good routine. I guess I was nervous that of someone is constantly holding her she would never grow out of it and sleep in her own bed etc. But I guess it's important not to get caught up on that when the baby is a new born.

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyNads · 25/05/2022 07:55

Hadalifeonce · 25/05/2022 07:22

Try a piece of your worn clothing under her tucked in like a sheet (a tee shirt or something). That way she can smell you.

I havent tried this yet but I definitely will, thanks!

OP posts:
DockOTheBay · 25/05/2022 07:56

Don't worry about habit forming at this age as she is far too small for that. Just do whatever you need to do to survive for the first 6-12 weeks or more, after that you can start thinking about a routine etc.

Milliesmummy92 · 25/05/2022 08:00

Me and DP also took it turns so he would do 9-2 then I'd get up and do 2-7. DD did grow out of this but you have my sympathy I remember how hard those first few weeks are when you're so tired and it feels like it will never change- I promise it will! Every couple of days when she's asleep keep putting her down and honestly one day she'll just take to it- think it was at about 3 weeks that mine finally slept in her Moses basket every time. Although we're currently away on a caravan holiday and her travel cot has had to go into the other room- she's sleeping soundly in her own room and in a cot- I've never slept worse for missing her being at the side of the bed 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

SweetPeaPods · 25/05/2022 08:06

DS1 would only sleep on us for his first 4 weeks. DH would take 10pm - 2/3am (or when ever he wanted milk) then we would swap. It was just a phase. After that he slept in his crib absolutely fine.

Milliesmummy92 · 25/05/2022 08:07

Also something that helped my DD in her Moses basket was a rolled up blanket down the edge so if she put her arms out there was something there but she was tiny in it (5lbs). Also HV will advise to never do that for risk of suffocation but now she's 3 months and moving around I've taken them out.

bobbythevet · 25/05/2022 08:09

Tips and tricks work to small degrees but agree with pp look up 4th trimester. This is just what she needs right now. Your husband is going to have to sacrifice some sleep!

Original poster
MummyNads · 25/05/2022 08:09

Milliesmummy92 · 25/05/2022 08:00

Me and DP also took it turns so he would do 9-2 then I'd get up and do 2-7. DD did grow out of this but you have my sympathy I remember how hard those first few weeks are when you're so tired and it feels like it will never change- I promise it will! Every couple of days when she's asleep keep putting her down and honestly one day she'll just take to it- think it was at about 3 weeks that mine finally slept in her Moses basket every time. Although we're currently away on a caravan holiday and her travel cot has had to go into the other room- she's sleeping soundly in her own room and in a cot- I've never slept worse for missing her being at the side of the bed 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

This is reassuring thank you. I'm going to work on trying not to have a huge expectation of her as she is so young and new into this world!

Lol I guess we don't realise after a certain point we also need them as much as they need us for comfort

OP posts:
Trinacham · 25/05/2022 08:10

Most newborns are like that. With our now 4 month old, I ended up sleeping with him on me. Co-sleeping was something I said I'd never do and was scared of it being dangerous. In the end I realised it was much safer to plan and do it safely, than be exhausted and run the risk of falling asleep with the baby when I don't intend to! I propped myself with my pregnancy pillow around me, so I couldn't move. I always woke in the same position, with my arms wedged to the side of me, baby peacefully snoozing on me.

Original poster
MummyNads · 25/05/2022 08:11

DockOTheBay · 25/05/2022 07:56

Don't worry about habit forming at this age as she is far too small for that. Just do whatever you need to do to survive for the first 6-12 weeks or more, after that you can start thinking about a routine etc.

Yes that's a good point she is still quite young

OP posts:
Flittingaboutagain · 25/05/2022 08:12

Congratulations on your little one! Mine is 11 months now and we're TTC number two. We still often do shifts as baby wakes up at least four times a night and still loves being held but from about 4 months could be put down after 20 minutes and stay asleep for at least an hour.

We had a premature baby and that means co-sleeping isn't safe. There are several factors that make it too risky. Do your research.

In the fourth trimester we took it in turns to sleep so that baby could sleep. The person who wasn't sleeping would watch Netflix, eat sugary foods and sit with the lights on etc to avoid falling asleep. We also had very short shifts so that neither one of us went too long without getting a couple of hours. But due to waiting for tongue tie to be fixed I was having to pump every two hours anyway so would set an alarm to wake and pump. So sleeping for two hours at a time max became my norm.

The fourth trimester is exhausting. There are some good videos on Instagram of people like Kathryn Stagg and Lyndsey Hookway for advice for caring for newborns/settling strategies. Few newborn babies can sleep unless being held because from an evolutionary perspective they're safe when they're with their protector and baby has had nine months of your heartbeat for comfort.

Trinacham · 25/05/2022 08:13

He's 4 months now and sleeps in his crib, so don't worry about it becoming a habit! They do gradually grow out of it

Stellamar · 25/05/2022 08:21

Are you using a swaddle?

Sometimes a dummy can help.

Oizys · 25/05/2022 08:21

MummyNads · 25/05/2022 07:54

This seems like a good routine. I guess I was nervous that of someone is constantly holding her she would never grow out of it and sleep in her own bed etc. But I guess it's important not to get caught up on that when the baby is a new born.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t worry about that now! You can’t spoil a newborn is a good way to think,

all my dc were the same (3 of them) all moved into their own rooms at 6 months and since then have slept in their own beds. Sleeping through was a different matter so expect upset sleep for a few years but don’t worry they won’t always need to sleep on you!

ThatPosterIsSoRight · 25/05/2022 08:23

Sitting up with a baby in the small hours is risky, as it’s so easy to accidentally fall asleep when you are exhausted, and then the baby is in an unsafe position.

Co- sleeping, when set up as safe as possible, is much better than sitting up trying to stay awake. So yes have a good read as to how to do it safely. Perhaps discuss with your health visitor too (though I’ve no idea if their personal views will come into their advice these days).

All your baby knows is being safe, secure, in a warm other body with your heartbeat. So it’s quite natural. Go with the flow for now.

Good luck, I promise you won’t be co-sleeping with an 18-year-old! (Though my 10 year old gives it a good try…)

89redballoons · 25/05/2022 08:23

I'd try swaddling again - this has been the game changer for both of my babies. Give baby a feed so she's satisfied and a bit sleepy, swaddle and hold in your arms until very calm or asleep. Then slowly move her to her moses basket.

Newborns often startle when moving from vertical to horizontal as it feels like they're falling, so they reach out to try and grab onto something and it wakes them up. Swaddling stops this.

My DS2 hates having his arms down but there are ways of swaddling which keep their arms up while still restricting movement so they don't startle. Love To Dream make (expensive!) sleeping bags that do this, or if you google the "Angel wrap" swaddle technique you can see how to do it with a muslin instead.

jadey1991 · 25/05/2022 12:09

Hi op, sorry you are feeling like this. I experienced this with my son. When he was about 3 weeks old he wouldn't settle and me and my hubby were up all night long. Turns out he has acid reflux. I was told to have baby in reflux position.( baby facing forward) and just walking around with hun. That was a great help(although your baby hasn't got relux) maybe give it a go. Or safe for sleeping with baby. That was very useful for me. My son is 5 months old now and I still co sleep with him. Good luck