20 month old waking at 4am for 5 months now. Please help me!!

[Lioncar]

he goes to sleep fine at 7-7.30pm
Generally sleeps througy (until 4am)
Every day without fail he will wake up for the day anytime between 3.45am and 4.30am

His room is completely dark no light gaps
White noise consistent from bath time through to morning
No noises or anything
Bedtime routine is bath 6.15 asleep by 7ish
Day time nap is around 11-1 or sometimes 12-2 if he can last until 12

So so stuck and out of ideas.

Btw he is not waking up happy in the morning, he wakes up crying and tired but no matter what we try he won't go back to sleep

No answers. But sympathy !

All our lives we watch movies etc of babies put into cribs and magically goung to sleep while they parents carry on with normal lives - if only!
Both of mine been dreadful sleepers .. the eldest finally sleeps through but this is recent - and variable! She's 5 1/2. Sorry
Youngest is same sort of age, same naps, same goes to sleep easily at 7.3ish - but he then wakes every 40 mins- maybe a hour gap all evening until 11/12 when I get in with him, then wakes at 2ish for feed and awake for the day at 5.30. God it's painful.
So many arguments with OH which I'm sure are mostly due to me being knackered.
I went to pub first time in yonks last night, home by 11 - nothing drastic but has tipped the balance and I'm struggling today snapping at everyone bla bla.

The only thing I find helpful is to schedule in at last two nights a week when I go to bed at 8.30. If i dont plan it i end up stating up later and feeling continuously crap. Also try my hardest to sit down for half hour during the day, read/ noodle on phone etc. Something restful . And essential I feel is to escape regularly! I have two early morning 'running ' sessions with the dog also scheduled so they definitely happen - but sometimes just a gentle stroll is enough 😉 between you and me...
Oh yes and robo vax , he's definitely a welcome helper!

What happens when he wakes in the night? Do you get him up at 4am?

If he's unhappy maybe he's hungry? Give oatcakes or similar as full of tryptophan

Also have ypu ruled out any health concerns? Check with go or hv - if nothing else it would be reassuring. I remember I used to worry endlessly about dd1 - is it thus is it that. Clearly sleep deprivation does affect you mentally I was so anxious

My dd did that when she was younger, I just went in and said it’s still night time and left and I gave milk, id also change her and check if she’s wet ect. She now sleeps 7-8 and she’s 21 months. They have to re train sort of. If you Lee getting them up it sets their body clock. I also have some safe toys in her bed and classical music playing. So she can play and self soothe if she wakes.

I had one like that. Porridge before bed helped. I also did 'wake to sleep' which actually did work...the idea being that you try to gently rouse them but not fully awake just before they would normally wake then they go into another sleep cycle. It only got us to 5:30am but it was an improvement! Said child is now a teenager sleeping in until midday...

As other people have said - the key is to not get him up at 4am as it will just set his body clock. In an ideal world you would keep in in the dark in his room until a suitable time, but I get that's pushing it! Perhaps try initially keeping him in his room in the dark til 4:30, and then open curtains/turn on light then. The light is what starts to balance his circadian rhythm. So hopefully as time goes by he will start waking later and later and you can push this "turn on lights" time back and back. I would also try and keep his nap to 12, having it earlier continues to cement that early rise. Good luck, early mornings are so awful!

Is it worth delaying bedtime? Unsure if you’ve tried this. I have an 18 month old so feel your pain re the angry 3-4am wake ups! There is no solution for my son most of the time also!

Is it worth 8:30 bet time so you maybe get some sleep until 5ish? Just a suggestion I know it’s impossible and you prob tried everything !

Maybe bring the nap earlier to break the cycle? Assuming a 4am start, he’s currently having 7-8h awake time pre nap, and 5-6h awake before bed. If he starts the day at 4, maybe make the nap 9-11 or 10-12 and see if more awake time pre bed causes him to be more tired and sleep longer? Then gradually start pushing the nap back if he starts sleeping later.

Might not work, but could be worth a shot - you aren’t losing anything, he’s still awake the same amount of time, but the later tiredness might be more in your favour.