Not sleeping through still at (almost) 10 months...am I crazy???

[oremstango]

My ds has slept through about 10 times ever; the general trend is he wakes 2-3 times a night (at worst 12, 3, 5:30), I wait 10 minutes to see if he'll settle, he doesn't and I bf him back to sleep. Frequently he is just getting up for the day at 5:30 which really pushes things over for me.

After hearing all my friends proudly discussing their kids sleeping through I feel very frustrated and tired. Should I try cc? It seems like it's always something (teething, a cold, etc.) so we push this off. Any feedback hugely appreciated.

Hi

Neither of my boys slept through till 11 and 12 months respoectivly.

I think that it is normal for children not to sleep through and although it is tiring, it does get better.

I could not CC, as it was not for me, but they just started to sleep through. I never BF them to sleep either. I am sure that people often just say that their little ones are sleeping through.

As long as it is not causing you problems then I would just let it go.

I did cc with my son at about 10 months and wish I had done it months before. Your ds has learnt that if he wakes up he gets a nice drink and cuddle with mummy, so he has not yet learnt that he really should just turn over and go back to sleep. He needs to be taught this as he will feel so much better in the day with a good night's sleep.

I know it is always controversial but it made such a huge difference to us, my son now sleeps really well so it has certainly done him no harm. Wait until he is well and then go for it!!

But oremstango has said that she feels very frustrated and tired - so it is causing her problems.

oremstango my dd is 11 months old and started sleeping through last month only after I stopped going into her at night. Instead, her dad went in. She kicked off big time the first night and had to spend most of it sleeping on him but the next night was better and then that was it.

I look back and wish so much we had done something about it earlier. Now she doesn't feed at night she eats really well in the day and naps better too. I still feed her to sleep at bedtime but never in the night and my life is 100% better.

I wouldn't tell you to do CC unless you are sure you could handle it but I do believe some babies need teaching that they cant have milk at night any more. Make your partner have a go first before you consider the harsh options.

Good luck whatever you do x

The first thing to say is you are NOT the only mum in the world whose dc isn't sleeping though. Neither of mine did consistently until about 18mths. It feels like everyone else is sleeping but it ain't true. It does make you feel crap when everyone else seems to have it sorted, but I truely believe some babies are better sleepers than others.

That said, 3 x night sounds pretty rough , and you're clearly needing things to improve. So options for what to do next.

We did try cc with ds (after much persuation from lots of people who it had worked for). It didn't work for us. I wouldn't do it again. I wish I'd stuck to my guns and not tried it now. It's really up to you & what you feel comfortable with - it works wonderfully for some people.

BUT there are lots of other things you can try. Have you read Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Soln? LOTS of great ideas for bfers in there - eg sit with him rather than bfing, getting someone else to try settling him for a few days (he sees you & thinkg 'yum, snack time ). Does he settle well on his own at night or is he bf to sleep?

Mine has never slept through and is almost 13 months. She is also an early riser so if we've been woken (on average) of twice and an early morning it's a very broken night. The only thing that has saved me/us is co sleeping and taking it in turns with DH. i no longer bf and she doesn't feed at night so it's just cuddling and stroking. We have started co sleeping in her room on a matress on the floor though because she was crawling out of our bed. That way me or DH can be on night duty and the other one get a break. is that something that could work for you?

Sadly my DD didn't sleep through until she was 20 months old. Ay that point we tried a tamed version of CC which luckily for us worked within a couple of days or so.

TBH though I wouldn't do CC with a child as young as 10 months. You might be better looking at something like the No Cry Sleep Solution instead.

Oh, I beleive (from reading it on here!) that Richard Feber (who 'invented' CC) recommends not using it under a year

My DD was waking every 2 hours up to 3 weeks ago and I was BF back to sleep. Decided to try and break the habit. DH went in instead of me to try and settle her. First few nights were awful, she screamed the place down and I was close to giving in. After 3 days was slightly better, she woke up but DH could settle her in 5 mins or so. Fingers x'd now sleeping much better around 9 hours.Wakes up less and less, usually now sleeps from 7.30ish to 4.30-5.00. I think waiting till she was older to try this was better for me as I did not feel as guilty. Goodluck.

My dd didn't sleep through til 14 months. I do think you probably have to stop ever offering bf at night if you want your ds to sleep through. I didn't like the idea of cc, so tried other things to get her back to sleep when she woke once I decided bf was for daytime only. Thought I would go mad from singing twinkle twinkle little star about 300x in the middle of the night, rocking her, stroking back etc - it was hard for a short time, she was sometimes awake for ages. And I certainly cried! But for a short term struggle it was worth it, as when she started sleeping through that was it. & til 5.30 to start, now &ish til 6.30. I felt soooo much better.

Good luck

My DS is also 10 months and isn't sleeping through. It's frustrating because he used to, but started waking up a few times a night around the 6 month mark (weaning, perhaps). I've recently started following some of the ideas in the No Cry Sleep Solution and they do seem to be working. However, he's teething just now and that's setting us back a little bit. I'd definitely recommend the book though, even if you don't follow it to the letter.

Helennn I was not suggesting that oremstango not try CC, I was just stating that it is very common for children to wake in the night.

I am very lucky as my DH always slept in with them on a Friday so I could get a full night sleep.

there has been some good suggestions below regarding alternatives to try. Your DH could go in with water, rather than you breatfeeding. Teething does upset sleep routines, as do colds etc.

Sometimes it is nice to know that other people are having the same issues as you.

Ignore all those friends whose babies sleep through. There are just as many who don't. Mine were both 2 (years not months!) before they started sleeping through most of the time.

The gist of the no-cry sleep solution is:

lots milk/food in the day
try a grobag
room at right temperature
bedtime routine
bedtime by 7:30
approximate daytime routine (feeds and naps)
get them to like their cot
use a comforter
words/music as a sleep cue
wake up between feed and bed
shorten night time feeds or offer water instead

And I totally agree with the "send daddy in instead" method. You've just done 10 months of night feeds and your daytime job is every bit as important as his!

Thanks everyone! The other night before reading this I was about to tear my hair out again so sent in dh to give some pats and 'shh, shhh' briefly. Was AMAZING how differently ds responded as he knew milk wasn't on offer. Was really sweet too as dh felt happy that he could finally sooth ds (hadn't been able to before as it was all about the breast).

That said I was surprised that night and last night it took poor ds 1.5 hours (!) to fall back to sleep on his own. He didn't scream it out, more just some yells and other sounds as he tried to get himself back to sleep. What really hit me about this is that he really doesn't know how to get himself back to sleep without me, and yes at 10 months I do think it's important for all of us to get this sorted out. Greatly hoping the time to get down improves as he is definitely tired for it come morning.

On the really early wake ups pushing bed time back from 6 to 6:30 seems to have done it.

Ugh- what a night. Ds was up three times and cried for 45 minutes, then 1 hour and 30, and the fed him to sleep when up at 5:30. Can you guys please let me know how long this took to see any difference? Thought we were getting somewhere perhaps but 3 nights in and not so sure though still believe we need to crack this.

I know how you feel. DS (9 mths) has only slept through once! He goes down at 7pm and gets up at 6am ish, but wakes on average 3 times a night when I go in to BF him. Not sure what solution is but wanted you to know you are not alone!
DP can sometimes sooth him but not often - he is used to milk! Not all babies sleep through regardless of what their mums say! A friend told me her DS slept through from 6 weeks, but what she actually meant was he went to bed at 11pm and slept till 5am - I don't think that is sleeping through personally, but each to their own.

I feed once at night and dd (9months) is up more than that, usually. It seems like we go from a cold to teeth and back again.

I am very wary of cc as I don't want to teach her that mummy doesn't care. But I think sending daddy in like you are doing is great - he know he is loved and secure, but just no milk.

I feel like I'm too tired to breathe sometimes - and so I hope it gets much better for you.

Thanks everyone! We had a breakthrough Friday when ds slept 6:30-4:30, then another awful night Sat., and slept through well again the next two nights but rough night last night. Who the heck knows. No more leaving to cry though- it really is very, very upsetting. As my mum always says, this too shall pass.

Oremstango - my daughter slept 10-7 till 6 months, and then went bonkers. We were shell-shocked, and could NOT work out what to do for ages. We eventually agreed on a very gradual gentle sleep training - firstly rolling from side to side in cot, then shh/patting, then shh/hand on, then shh at side of cot, then shh outside room. We agreed that we were ok if this took weeks, as we really did not want to do CC. She's surprised us by dropping off really well now at bedtime, with no assistance from us, other than a nice bedtime routine. She's still waking up from teeth/cold etc, but is much easier to settle with shh/pat (which now feels like quite a big intervention). This has made us all really happy, but it was a longish term thing - took maybe 6 weeks or more? I think in hindsight we could have moved from one phase to the next more quickly, but we were terrified of jinxing it! Good luck

My dd is 10 months and waking 3 times a night, final waking up time 6am. I don't do any night feeds and have tried the No Cry advice, but she is just a bad sleeper, I think - or not a good sleeper, because I think it is quite common. My mum always told me me and my brother were great sleepers and I grew to believe that it was something you were entirely in control of, how well your baby sleeps, but now I don't think that any more. I sort of think it's just luck - (although I obviously would say that.)