Self settles at bedtime but not at night -why??

[Heloise1982]

I have 6 month old twins, one of whom sleeps really well (occasionally all night, more normally one night feed), the other not so much. What's confusing me is that he settles well in the evening - bath, bottle, book, into bed awake, we ditched the night time dummy about a week ago and he's settling well without it, a bit of a chat to himself and asleep by 7. But he then wakes up at least twice, sometimes three times in the night. I don't mind the wake up between 2 am and 3 am because I figure he probably IS hungry, but I'm pretty certain he can't also be hungry at 10pm, midnight and 5am as well! In fact for the last week I've been refusing to feed and offering the dummy /patting him instead, which does work (so clearly not hungry, or it wouldn't), apart from the 5am wake up when boob seems to be the only thing that gets him back to sleep. What's confusing me though is everything you read seems to be about self settling at bedtime, and suggests if you can crack that then the rest will follow. But he DOES self settle at bedtime, so I'm looking for ideas about what to do for the rest of the night?? I've never left him to fuss for any time because I don't want him waking his brother up but I'm getting seriously tempted to put them in different rooms for a while and try some CC... not a thought I relish but I'm a walking zombie and I'm just too tired and miserable to enjoy their babyhood at the moment, which makes me sad. Help!!!

Following this as my baby is six months and identical! Looking for answers too :(

I think the reason self settling at bedtime doesn't lead to self settling all night is because people lie, particularly when they want to sell their books about how to do self settling.

Babies are all different, one of yours maybe has hit their separation anxiety stage or is teething more or just likes to wake up more, hang in there and I'm sure it'll sort itself out. My 15 month old still wakes a few times a night but is massively changed from 6 months

I think the reason self settling at bedtime doesn't lead to self settling all night is because people lie, particularly when they want to sell their books about how to do self settling.

Babies are all different, one of yours maybe has hit their separation anxiety stage or is teething more or just likes to wake up more, hang in there and I'm sure it'll sort itself out. My 15 month old still wakes a few times a night but is massively changed from 6 months

I'm afraid I don't have any ideas for you but just to say my dd sometimes selfsettled at bedtime and sometimes not. It never correlated with whether or not she slept through and settled in the night. Sorry that's not super helpful but I don't think the two always go hand in hand. She always self settled for her nap though. I could never work out why she sometimes needed me at bedtime but she did/does.

I could have written your post but about my 7mo. A good night is 4 wake ups, a bad night can be 10. And it's just getting worse, even though she has textbook daytime naps and self settles like a dream at bedtime. I've looked into sleep consultants but they all seem to focus on self settling at bedtime, or use controlled crying methods, which are no good to us even if we did want to go down that road, as 3yo dd is badly affected by the night time noise as it is.

I literally have no advice for you but just wanted to know you're not alone. It is hellish.

I think there's a big difference for a baby from when your mummy is tucking you in and saying goodnight, to waking up alone in the dark.
It's tough on your sleep but they just need a bit of reassurance. They will grow out of it one day, promise.

Exactly the same here, DS is 7mo and self settles like a dream at bedtime (around 7:30pm) but then wakes up frequently in the night and needs help getting back to sleep. Sometimes he'll be rocked back to sleep, other times he cries until he's fed (still bf). He wakes up anywhere between 3 and maybe 10 times, we're exhausted and he is tired too. He won't self settle for naps in the day at all, they all have to be either in the buggy, car or sling or fed to sleep and then held. I wish I knew the answer!

Same here. DS is 9 months and from very young he happily self-settled for bedtime and naps. But wakes up crying 3-4 times a night and is inconsolable. It's so annoying to read books about controlled crying and they only seem to be taking about settling them at bedtime. That's no use, I've cracked bedtime!

As someone else said upthread, when you think about it they're completely different. At bedtime they have a routine, you're giving them a cuddle and putting them to bed and they feel safe. At wake-ups they're in the dark, you're not there, they freak out.

Sorry, I realise this isn't helpful advice but just wanted to say I feel your pain!

Thank you all. No answers perhaps, but good to know I'm not alone. Having read so much about self settling at bedtime being the key to everything I was starting to think I had some sort of freakish non conformists on my hands! I should have known better really - first baby taught me that an awful lot of sleep advice is basically rubbish, and I promised myself that I would ignore it this time around... So much for that! (tho she was the opposite - not that easy settle, often needed feeding to sleep, yet slept through nicely from an early age. Which also proves the point that self settling really isn't the be all and end all.) I do wish these so called experts were a bit more honest about stuff though - it's bad enough being doolally with sleep deprivation without also driving yourself nuts wondering why none of the stuff that should work actually does! I guess the answer is just to wait it out, but easier said than done - being this tired is just so hellish, and 6 months feel like they have lasted forever.

Hi I know this was a long time ago now but I’ve come across this thread during my desperate times! My 6 month old baby is the same and just wondering what happened to you. Did baby just grow out of it (when) or did you do something e.g. sleep training? Thanks

Also coming to this thread with the same issues a long time after the original post. Did your baby grow out of this phase?

I hope you're still on here! I'm currently going through this with my 6 month old. Did you find anything helped with the night wakes?

Hi I’m trying to remember but I don’t think there was anything different to what I was already doing that helped. Sleep (or lack of it) was a huge rollercoaster and she didn’t sleep through the night until she was 2 (then got worse again when she was when I had my Son), but there were periods when the wake ups weren’t too bad and periods when it was awful. Every baby is different and yours might be a little angel from next week or month or year onwards. Just go with the flow and don’t let it control you like it did for me! And know that it will get better. Good luck x