OK, dh did the awful thing all the TV progs recommend but I feel guilty!

[edam]

Ds is 3.5. Somehow, over the past 18+ months, we've ended up with me needing to stay in ds's room while he goes to sleep. He always asks 'stay with me mummy' and it's so sweet. However, it's a real bind, because it can take half an hour (and some nights he REALLY mucks about and winds me up).

Dh and I end up eating really late as a result and it just makes evenings a real hassle. I've tried reassuring him, telling him I'd be right next door in my bedroom but always end up giving in - seems kind of unfair to leave him if he's scared or something (not sure he is, tbh).

Soooo three nights ago dh did a 'get tough' thing - mummy out of the room, dh putting ds straight back into bed without talking every time he got up. First night umpteen times. Next night I was on my own and couldn't cope with ds getting upset so gave in. Last night dh got tough again and ds went to sleep very quickly. Result.

So why do I feel so bad? Poor little sausage, it doesn't seem that unreasonable to want mummy while you go to sleep. Yet it has been a pain in the bum...

I know Edam we've done various things that at the time seem hearbreaking but you both did well. Bit of tough mummy love every now and again is good and it works.

it's for the best in the long run but can understand you feeling a bit sad. Plus realising they don't really need us as much as we think can come as a shock.

How is he overnight? Could you eat before you put him to bed? Cos if he just wants you to stay while he falls asleep but then stays in his room all night then tbh i would do that. Trying of think of lateral suggestions for you as if you and dh are inconsistent I don't think it will work!!

If you definitely want him to go to sleep without you you will have to be firm and consistent.

Thanks everyone. I know you are right!

Awww you'll soon get over it and start enjoying the extra time with dh
Sounds like you have it sussed between you

God, stop feeling bad RIGHT now. He's been delaying bed time because you've let him and he likes you being there etc etc but it's mad if it's affecting your evening.

Don't give in though. It's good for all of you if he just goes to bed at a decent time and stays there.

I have to admit I was like this with ds (who was my first) but dd gets a quick kiss and cuddle and that's it and it's MUCH better, wish I'd done the same with ds.

It is hard, Edam - I'm similar (with the added "oh feck it, he's small and cute and he'll wake DS2 up if he roars, plus I'm knackered myself and a lie down and a cuddle with my firstborn is hardly a hardship").

I remember MIL telling me she "never had any problems getting DH to sleep"
I was just thinking "no of course you didn't, you're perfect and everything you do is perfect" when she went on "I just had to sit by his bed until he went to sleep...."

Turns out she sat there in the dark for up to an hour and a half, until he was seven She only stopped because DH's sister moved into her own room & MIL then sat by her bedside.