falling apart with lack of sleep: which sleep training method?

[Ididntwetmyself]

Ft working Mum, ds1 is 5, ds2 18mnths. Both wake, ds1 still bedwets regularly, rarely stays in own bed all night. Ds2 is currently like a leech. If I'm available he neeeeeeeds me to hold him. Sleeps on or around my face atm.
Result is grumpy witch mum, slow and semi functional at work (new job).
I am falling asleep with ds2 who still bf to sleep. I put him in his cot once he feels asleep. Wo betide he isn't - loses mind. Thus can take a number of hours.
I'm a bag of temper. Need to do something.
Hoping you good folk might have some advice on getting into more healthy sleeping habits.
Ds2 cot in our room. Ds1 in own room.
But not a lot

DS1 I would put into 'bedtime pants' (what we called pull-up nappies) at night if he's wetting the bed. Really not all that uncommon at this age and it will save the sheets.

DS2 - I would start settling in the cot and only in the cot. Move breastfeed to downstairs before bedtime routine. Deal with the histrionics as a means to an end.

There is a thread called 'what worked for us' (google to find it), the opening post of which explains a speeded up version of gradual withdrawal.

It basically involves doing all settling with baby in cot and you on chair next to cot. Then gradually reducing the amount of settling needed.

Thank you FATE.
Dreading ds2s response
I think it might have to be dh getting more involved with ds2
I might even leave the house

We follows the post that FATE mentioned, it was hard but we got DD (about 9months at the time) settling in the cot herself - although we never made it out the door and she still woke numerous times during the night for a feed.

We used a sleep consultant when DD was around 11 months and she was amazing, we very gradually and gently night weaned, which made a huge difference and she eventually started sleeping through just before her 1st birthday. I know not everyone has the disposable income for a sleep constant but if you do, I highly recommend it.

DD is now 15 months, we've hit a bit of a bump in the road due to teething and routine upset at Xmas, and if it carries in we will be getting in contact with SC again!!

It's tough, you have my sympathies.

Hi Sleep, thanks for that. Sounds like you found the right solution with your consultant. How did you find them? Did they visit you at home? What does that sort of thing cost - I have no idea.
I could do with someone creating a plan and schedule for me, I don't think I'd be consistent enough by myself and oh either.

I just did some research and found a SC that I felt was right for us (Ann Caird - nurturing sleep). It was all done over Skype (1-2 times a week) and daily emails. We did it in stages, not focusing on the stages ahead, just the one we were in right then. Ann have us a very clear plan, but also allowed us to adjust if we didn't feel comfortable with it. We never left DD to cry on her own (but boy did she cry to begin with!) and we were never made to feel like we had failed or done something wrong if we had a lapse.

She has loads of different packages to suit different budgets, we went for the 6 week support which was £360.

For us, it was peace of mind, support and consistence. I had dabbled with different methods previously but had never had the confidence to see them through which is just not fair on anyone involved.

Sounds awful

I used a Sleep Consultant when DS was 10 months because I felt like I was losing my sanity due to sleep deprivation.

He was BF and had to be fed to sleek every night and then he'd be up at least three times a night, needing feeding back to sleep again but sometimes being awake for hours. He also wouldn't nap in the day unless I fed him to sleep and left him sleeping in my arms - sometimes I'd be pinned to the bed for over 2 hours.

As my maternity leave was coming to an end I knew that I just couldn't cope anymore and things needed to be sorted before I went back to work.

The package I used was £90 and involved a very detailed questionnaire about lots of aspects of DS's sleep and routines and then a 2 hour phone call. She was wonderful.

She said the most important thing to getting DS to sleep better was to put him in his own room and so I did it that night.

She also said, regarding feeding him to sleep, not to breast feed him in a dim room and that if I fed him in his nursery before bed I needed to keep the curtains open, all the lights on and detach him when he looked sleepy. I could then close the curtains, dim the lights, read him a story and pop him in the cot. After a few days of doing this we then broke the 'feed to sleep' association even more by him having his final feed of the day downstairs in the living room, we completely cut it out of his bedtime routine.

I meant to say that we did CC and within a week I had a baby that didn't need feeding to sleep (bedtime or nap time), self settled and slept through the night. He also took two naps a day in his cot.