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Original poster

Is my health visitor right?

25 replies

Dappy28 · 10/07/2015 15:04

DD2 is 2 weeks old. Typical newborn, wants to be held constantly and wants to fall asleep in my arms.
Today, with the health visitor this came up in conversation. She told me I need to leave DD to self south to sleep or I am making a rod for my own Back.
Personally I think 2 weeks old is far too young to leave to cry. Any thoughts on this? Has anyone done it?

OP posts:
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BankWadger · 10/07/2015 15:08

Your HV is being daft.

Saltedcaramel2014 · 10/07/2015 15:09

Far too young. She doesn't know what she's talking about. Trust your instinct

Hidingbehindclouds · 10/07/2015 15:09

Your health visitor is bonkers. Cuddle your baby as much as they need. I did with both of mine, they need love and reassurance. Both mine settled alone in their cot by two months old, when put down awake. Congratulations on the new arrival Grin

Rosieliveson · 10/07/2015 15:09

I never left my baby to cry for any prolonged period of time. He would sometimes cry whilst I was in the shower or on the loo so I couldn't always get to him immediately but I didn't leave him deliberately. I think 2 weeks is much too young to 'learn a lesson'. I think this is something where HV advice would vary greatly. In my opinion, do what feels right for you and your baby.

Snozberry · 10/07/2015 15:11

Do not in a million years ignore a crying newborn. That is horrible. HV can be wonderful sources of help but sometimes they talk bollocks and you follow your instincts.

peggyundercrackers · 10/07/2015 15:11

we left our DD and didn't pick her up all the time - to be fair though she didn't cry if left. shes absolutely fine today and is happy being on her own in bed or wherever and sings and plays away fine.

NoParking · 10/07/2015 15:11

She's in need of retraining. There's some good, evidence based stuff on sleep on the IRIS website, which basically says that newborns generally need some sort of help (milk / cuddles / rocking) to get to sleep and stay asleep. As they get older they need different things and eventually they can do it by themselves.

TheOriginalWinkly · 10/07/2015 15:13

There are some awful health visitors out there. Google the fourth trimester, or if you have the energy read the book BabyCalm, it talks all about this sort of thing. And Envy over your teeny squishy baby :)

caravanista13 · 10/07/2015 15:21

Shocking advice! Go with your instincts.

Original poster
Dappy28 · 10/07/2015 15:23

Thanks - just wanted the reassurance that cuddling DD and holding her to sleep is the right thing . . . And of course it is, she's two weeks old fgs.

OP posts:
milkingmachine1 · 10/07/2015 15:27

At 2 weeks!? No way!

The first 3 months are like the 4th trimester for little babies. It would be cruel to just leave her to cry. At this age there usually is a reason so it'll be because she needs something, milk, nappy change, burping, a cuddle etc...

Anyway, some babies/children learn to self soothe really young and some don't. It doesn't mean they never will. My Dd1 was a Velcro baby until about 14 months, she was a terrible sleeper and getting her to sleep in her cot was a nightmare. She's now 2.5 and I can put her in her cot awake and she'll go off to sleep and she sleeps through the night.

Just do what you're comfortable with. No one knows your baby better than you do. This is your baby and you know what kind of parent you want to be.

Having said all the above, there is something to be said for not reacting straight away when baby starts fussing. See if she can calm herself down. Sometimes my DD2 (who is 11 weeks) starts fussing but if I leave her for a few minutes she can calm herself by sucking on the back of her hand. But 2 weeks is really too young though.

AGnu · 10/07/2015 15:34

You could try a sling if you feel the need to get on with things... I loved the excuse to just sit still & cuddle my baby & anyone suggesting I shouldn't would've got Hmm looks. Well, with DS2 anyway, DS1 used to cry to be put down so he could go to sleep.

Lottapianos · 10/07/2015 15:38

Yes, babies absolutely do need to learn to fall asleep without support - but at 2 weeks old???? No way. That's seriously wrong and damaging advice. She needs instant response if she's distressed at this age. She can't wait, she can't do deferred gratification, she has no experience of any of that so she needs you to be a responsive carer, which is what you are from the sounds of it. So carry on as you are.

I feel sorry for parents who get this kind of ridiculous advice about rods for backs with a tiny newborn and dont realise they can question it

Debs75 · 10/07/2015 15:41

my HV thought i was making a 'rod for my own back' when i told her i cuddled all my babies to sleep. well i wish it had as somedays i am so knackered i could do with something to keep me upright.Wink

babies need you close, they are too young to be reasoned with. their sole purpose is to sleep and feed, not turn you into their slave

Oscarandelliesmum · 10/07/2015 15:41

Shit advice - Ignore, Ignore, ignore.Flowers for your baby!

stuckinahole · 10/07/2015 15:43

I rest my case. HV's are shit

Finola1step · 10/07/2015 15:44

Nonsense b

Flisspaps · 10/07/2015 16:11

Your HV is a twat.

domesticslattern · 10/07/2015 16:14

My arse.

pollyisnotputtingthekettleon · 10/07/2015 16:18

When you have multiples you dont have a choice ... and no it didnt harm them, if i was busy with one the other had to cry. Either is fine.

Nooname01 · 10/07/2015 16:23

The way I always see it is that babies refusing to sleep alone is a major survival mechanism.

How long would a sleeping human baby survive through most of the development of the human species without being safe in the arms of a carer?

HahaHarrie · 10/07/2015 16:30

Your HV is talking rubbish. Your baby is new born! New borns thrive on love, cuddles and closeness.They don't have habits at this age. Hold and cuddle her as much as you want. In a couple of months if need be then introduce some routine reassuring your baby that you are there but being systematic about leaving them to sleep because it is important you get some sort of sleep too.

Congratulations by the way!

ChunkyPickle · 10/07/2015 16:32

Rubbish. My rod slept in the same bed as us on and off until he was 3, now at 4 he's a delight to put to bed - story, say the magic words ('night night, rollover') turn the light off and he's out almost immediately. His brother isn't quite 2 and is already heading the same way (better sleeper than his brother from the very beginning)

I credit us always helping him get to sleep when he was little with his complete lack of fear of the dark (mum and dad were always there), and ease now - when bedtime is a lovely time when you get to snuggle up to mum, why would you fight going! And now he's older and sleeps alone he's still happy to go.

FATEdestiny · 10/07/2015 16:59

Today, with the health visitor this came up in conversation. She told me I need to leave DD to self south to sleep or I am making a rod for my own Back.

In conversation the HV may have been suggesting that putting a baby down to sleep is not terrible. It also does not mean baby is left to cry.

This is not black or white.

This is not hold/cuddle or leave to cry.

There are a million shades of grey in the middle ground there.

I wouldn't hold or cuddle baby to sleep. Neither would I ever leave a baby to cry.

Holding baby constantly is one end of the extreme. Leaving to cry alone is the other extreme. It is my belief that neither are good things to do.

nuttybananas · 10/07/2015 17:30

2 weeks - surely its obligatory to cuddle!
(p.s. mine is 2 years and most of the time I will still cuddle and we both love it!)

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