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Sleep

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Original poster

newborn not sleeping in crib at night. end up overfeeding and getting into bad habits

26 replies

Lorechka · 23/10/2014 04:32

Know it's early days as my DD is only 4 days old but worried as she is not sleeping in her crib at night at all. She is fine if cuddled up with me or DH but this means we don't sleep. If we put her in the crib, she screams and we have to take her out again. I had a rather long labour and am desperate to get some sleep in at this point!

It is leading to a vicious cycle as we don't know what she wants and why she is crying so assume she's hungry and I then breastfeed (or formula feed her if I am too knackered). This then leads to changing nappy, burping etc. which knocks off even more sleep time for us.

Any changes we can make to sleep routine? Is she likely to be hungry and need feeding that often which is making her not sleep or does it sound like she just needs to be cuddled up with us to sleep?

Any advice much appreciated.

L xx

OP posts:

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Trooperslane · 23/10/2014 04:37

It's sooooo hard in the early days.

Just try to go with her flow - persevere with the crib and remember, you can't over feed her or get her into bad habits this early.

Jealous of your new born snuggles!

PickledBrains · 23/10/2014 04:39

This is what newborns do im afraid. She's soent 9 months all snug and warm inside you, she needs to be close and feed ALL the time to get your supply up.

Can you do shifts if you're mix feeding? DH takes the baby for 4 hours say then you swap so you both get some sleep?

Booboostoo · 23/10/2014 04:45

It's really difficult in the beginning but it does get better. Everyone finds their own rhythm but I found it helpful to move to the spare room so at least DH could sleep, I co-sleep (read up on safe co-sleeping), I feed lying down and sleep during the day when the baby sleeps. Can your DH have the baby for a couple of hours during the day so you can sleep?

Original poster

Lorechka · 23/10/2014 04:55

Thank you so much for the speedy replies! I am watching the thread eagerly whilst DD is snuggled up with me!

All of your responses are useful. I am keen to give the crib a good go and will persevere. Doing shifts with DH with us in separate rooms sounds very good in the short term though if the crib really isn't working. This is kind of what we are doing tonight. I have heard of co sleeping too so will do a bit of research later!

She is so sweet though and am mindful of the fact that it isn't easy for her either and she just wants to be with us!!

L xx

OP posts:

calmexterior · 23/10/2014 04:58

So normal for a newborn. The first two weeks are hard!!! Mine wouid never sleep in Moses basket away from me in those early weeks but it does settle down.

Perhaps call a breastfeeding councillor? The fussing is likely to be getting your supply up, remember their tummies are still tiny so they don't actually need that much milk yet xx

Original poster

Lorechka · 23/10/2014 05:08

Thanks Calmexterior. I have a breastfeeding lady coming to the house tomorrow so will pick her brains. I haven't even had my proper milk come through yet so it is just the colostrum. I would expect DD to be able to go a bit longer (than 5 minutes) before being fed again at this stage. Think the excessive feeding was just us coming up with solutions to the crib problem!

Right - will change "shifts" now with DH so hopefully off to bed. Lol

L xx

OP posts:

Honeybear30 · 23/10/2014 05:09

My DS is six weeks and also wouldn't be put down in the first few days. I started co sleeping as I was going insane through lack of sleep. We have a bed side crib and once he settled in bed with me I started moving him into the crib. He will sleep in there now, after feeding and falling asleep on me. Four days is still very tiny, I know you're tired but you need to go with it, and like a PP said, it will mean your milk supply will be established if you keep feeding/cuddling

I found that if baby did ever settle, even on me, I'd get dh to take him away from me so I could get actual sleep, even if only for an hour, it helps! Of course this only works in the early days when he didn't have work.

PragmaticWench · 23/10/2014 05:12

I have the same here with a six-day old; he just cries if I put him into the cot at night so I'm up most of the night feeding and cuddling. He'll go into the cot after a feed during the day, just not at night.

I know your hormones mean your milk comes in overnight so I'm just going with feeding every time he squeaks and will keep trying to get him to go into the cot afterwards. Hopefully he'll gradually accept lying down in the cot, rather than on me, but I'm not pushing it. So tiring though as I'm terrified to fall asleep in case I squash him!! DH is insisting on sleeping with us but I think I'd prefer him to sleep elsewhere; that way he'd sleep better and I could at least watch tv during the feeding marathons!

MexicanSpringtime · 23/10/2014 05:12

my dd co-sleeps with dgd and I think it is so much easier. As long as you are drugged or drunk, there doesn't seem to be any reason why not to.

misspoirot · 23/10/2014 05:30

I'm currently up feeding dd2 who is 11 days old. I completely remember the tiredness from dd1 and the endless rounds of feeding/burping/changing/settling through the night.

This time round we're mix feeding too. I go to bed with dd1 at 7pm and Dp takes care of the baby giving formula so I get a good 5 and a half hours unbroken sleep in. We swap at around 12.30am. That way if she won't settle and demands to be held for hours on end I can manage without feeling that overwhelming tiredness. Plus I even manage to get another hour or two in before getting dd1 up when she does eventually settle!

Just remember that this intense phase does pass and do what you need to get through.

bronya · 23/10/2014 05:58

I co-slept - was the only way to get some sleep! This time we have bought one of those bedside cribs so baby will be on a tiny extension of our bed. Hopefully being able to see and touch me will settle her.

Hakluyt · 23/10/2014 06:04

And never change a nappy in the night if you can possibly help it- you really don't have to change after every feed.

And experiment with not burping either- many bf babies don't need it.

What you need to be working towards is being able to do night feeds with both of you waking up only as much as is strictly necessary. It's such early days- you are both only starting to get the hang of it. In no time you will be old hands!

KenDoddsDadsDog · 23/10/2014 06:13

DD hated her Moses basket , they just don't want to be apart from you in the early days. It's not a bad habit to keep your baby near you, we are too pressured by supposed 'rules and routines' . Do what helps you all sleep and it will get easier when your milk comes . Enjoy your days , such a lovely time.

Sorehead · 23/10/2014 06:37

I had an awful night with DS on Tuesday night (out first night back from hospital)- he cried every time I tried to put him down. DH was exhausted so I sat with DS until about 6am and watched a load of films. We had our MW visit yesterday and she suggested warming the mattress before putting the baby down and also putting a cushion under the mattress at one end to tilt it. Don't want to speak to soon and have an awful night tonight but the tips definitely worked for us last night- those and giving infacol before feeds.

DS definitely prefers his Moses basket to the crib (both in our room).

Hope things improve for you OP! and continue to improve for me too!!

Sorehead · 23/10/2014 06:38

Sorry, to clarify, warming the mattress/ sheet by putting a hot water bottle on it, and removing before you put the baby down, or for Moses basket, taking the mattress out and leaning against a warm radiator

Hakluyt · 23/10/2014 07:14

I think it's important to remember that they are just baby animals at this stage....imagine how a 4 day old puppy would react to being put in a separate basket to its mother!

Figster · 23/10/2014 07:18

Are you swaddling lo? Some of them settle better when feel enclosed like that

BeeInYourBonnet · 23/10/2014 07:23

The first few weeks are just about survival ime! Do what you need to do to get some sleep, even if it means one of you holding baby whilst other sleeps in shifts. Or try pram, car seat, whatever, just to make sure you are getting enough sleep to function (4hrs or 5 if you're lucky). Put thoughts of routine to one side for a while, focus on now, but whilst still making small attempts to introduce crib.
Good luck.

Original poster

Lorechka · 23/10/2014 11:38

Managed to get about 4 hours sleep last night when DH and I changed shifts. Just having a few hours has made me feel a lot more refreshed.

Gona try and heat the crib mattress tonight and put my top in there so she has a familiar smell. Also will get her more used to the room today and feed her a few times in it.

If that doesn't work, gona try a 3 hourly shift pattern with DH again.

Little cherub is sleeping soundly now in her pram (which she wouldn't go in either last night)!

L xx

OP posts:

mrshope · 23/10/2014 13:23

I promise promise promise you - you can not spoil that baby!
I had read all the books and then got a baby who literally would not be put down for the first 4 weeks.
I cried and sobbed and stressed about it.
I am now watching my 15week old happily sleep in his cot.
It didn't happen over night but it will.
I didn't believe people but I really promise you that you can not get him into bad habits.
I wish I could save you all the stress I had. Believe me - it will happen.

Everyone told me to enjoy the newborn cuddles - all I was thinking was I need to sleep! And you do. So get anyone you can to help

DH and I slept in rotation.
It doesn't last forever. Honestly.
PM if you want any advice or just to moan as I have been there so recently and know how hard it is
Xxx

mrshope · 23/10/2014 13:24

Oh and swaddle and white noise. These have saved our sleep!
Also we used a cocoonababy. Much more snuggly than horrible Moses basket xxx

mrshope · 23/10/2014 13:25

One more - sorry!
Check out Harvey Karp - happiest baby on the block - explains about 4th trimester and how to help your baby settle and sleep. Saved me x

Original poster

Lorechka · 24/10/2014 00:09

Thank you mrshope. I will check out that book! Has been a better evening so far as I managed to get some sleep in by putting her in pram wrapped in the blanket I had been cuddling her in.

That said, have been breastfeeding her for the past 2 hrs non stop with no sign of her relenting. Could yet be another long night!!

OP posts:

ouryve · 24/10/2014 00:20

Newborns don't have bad habits. And they're hungry little souls.

Original poster

Lorechka · 24/10/2014 08:43

Had a bit of a breakthrough last night. I fed her constantly for 3 hrs and was beginning to think it wasn't ever going to stop. Woke up DH at 1am who gave her a bit of formula so i could sleep. Next thing I knew, it was 4am and DH had managed to get her in her crib, wrapped in the blanket that I was feeding her in and soothe her by putting his hand on her tummy. She slept soundly until 6:30am.

I was concerned about mixing formula with breastfeeding but she doesn't seem to be put off the breast by us just giving her a boost of formula at the late night stint.

L xx

OP posts:

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