4 month old never slept more than 2 hrs. Will it ever improve? Anyone had similar?

[tastyberries]

My lovely dd has been a very frequent feeder since birth, still every 2 hours round the clock. We co sleep as early on realised was only way to get any sleep. I have quite liked the co sleeping but I have to go to bed with her and if I move/go for a wee etc she wakes up. I feel she might sleep better if I didn't disturb her but she won't even go in the bedside cot thing with side down plus if she's feeding so much it's just easier to have her in bed.

For the last few weeks she also started really thrashing, which wakes me up as she is always very close and invariably attached to the boob. Sometimes I think she thrashes as she's detached from boob, but often she's already attached or continues after I put it back in her mouth.

I look back on the feeding every 2 hours minus thrashing days as total bliss in comparison. I keep thinking she'll stop the thrashing soon but it's been weeks.
I know I need to just tolerate the thrashing but I think I just wanted to hear other experiences of similar sleepers, I just can't see it improving. I'm sick of people saying she'll space out her feeds/sleep longer as she just doesn't! Maybe I just needed a rant!
She also will only sleep in sling in day, won't sleep in car/pram just cries, proper crying. She won't take a dummy (or a bottle we've been trying since about 6 weeks!)

Apologies if bit incoherent just need to hear from others for whom similar situation improved!

Hang in there, it will get better.

My ds fed every 90 mins or less at his worst, between 4-5 months. It was bloody awful, I felt like death warmed up. All around me were claims of perfect sleepers and me spoiling ds. Truth was he was bf (still is) and co sleeping was for survival. I didn't have the energy or brain power for anything else.

We had a co sleeper cot too but ds preferred to be RIGHT NEXT to me, touching me. It was damned hard for a few months, the feeds did space out eventually. Weaning made no difference either.

For us it got worse before better as ds went through a stage of not wanting to sleep alone from bedtime at 7pm so I went to bed with him every night at 7 for a few months. This turned out to be a stroke of genius as I finally got enough sleep and our days improved.

Now at nearly 11 months he is no longer feeding to sleep, nods off in his cot in 10 mins (achieved that this week after a terrible fail on the first night), sleeps til midnight alone then we are co sleeping. We are now working on getting him to spend all night in his cot.

Its been a slog, I've had the luxury of time to go at his pace. It will get better. You will sleep again. I never thought we'd crack this, but we're getting there. You can change things if you're prepared to do sleep training, but I don't think it's recommended til at least 6 months or even a year depending what method you choose.

I've no idea what I'm doing really, we're just feeling our way & I've been totally led by ds. He was a hideous napper too. At about 4 months I adopted the strategy that after 90 mins I'd put him down for a nap sleepy or not, fed to sleep & crept away. He gradually began to sleep in the pram & car but I wish I'd persisted with the cot a bit more.

Don't know if this helps but I didn't want you to be unanswered.

Thanks cakebaby, it's so helpful to hear how you're getting on. ?? All the other babies I know can sleep alone/self settle etc. At times makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong??. I just can't imagine my dd in cot but what you've achieved sounds excellent and is really encouraging.

Yeeees, the mythical self settling babies.....I didn't get one of those.

People tell big fat whopping FIBS about their super sleepers.

I guess my conclusion is that if you can handle sleep training in any sense, you might get results. I couldn't bear the crying, upset and even more broken sleep so I didn't do it. Others can and it works for them. I'm very lucky that I had time to let ds find his own way.

My totally unqualified advice would be do what it takes to get through it. Co sleep, co nap, persist with different bottles or sippy cups to find one that suits, ask for & accept help. Get a lie in. Get someone to take her for a walk so you get a break or nap. Oh and a long hot bath. Do what feels right for you & yours. You're doing great. No one tells you how hard its going to be.

Its not forever, but it bloody feels like it sometimes

Not much to add other than there are a LOT of other babies that aren't magically selfsettling and sleeping alone at that age (or still at 12 months).

Keep in mind that sleeping through is only classed as 5 hours, so even if they are sleeping through it's not necessarily that heavenly 7-7 you imagine ;)

And tbh a lot of parents lie. Or sleep train and possibly leave their children with a host of other issues.

Here are some articles that might reassure you:
kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/sleepstudies/
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201302/normal-human-infant-sleep-feeding-method-and-development
www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/science-says-excessive-crying-could-be-harmful

Caeleth84 - the vast majority of British adults in their 30s alive today would have been 'sleep trained' as babies. It's just what parents did in the 80s and 70s....except it wasnt called sleep training then. It was called going downstairs and getting on with your evening whilst your baby was in a cot. Do you 'have issues'? Do I? Do all your friends and colleagues? I am sory but I find this blanket assertion that doing anything other than lying next to your baby all night getting no sleep makes you a shitty parent/borderline child abuser.

OP you've got to do what works for you. There's lots of options. continuing to 'tolderate' the current situation is just one. If you're happy to do that, that's fine. If I was in your shoes I would do some sleep training, and give LO a chance to self settle before rushing to her. I found that around 4mo DS would sometimes (50% of the time) go back to sleep after a 5 minute cry. Quite a loud upset cry. But he would just go back to sleep. he is a well adjusted loving toddler with no issues, who is ADORED by me and DH.

Just sayin.

There are other, equally valid ways of parenting. I am not a shit mum for wanting to sleep!

I'm not saying that all children are damaged. I'm saying it's a risk. As a parent you need to assess that risk, and if you're happy to live with that, that's your choice. That doesn't make you a shit parent, that makes you an informed parent. Sometimes you have to do things that aren't ideal, but if you honestly think sleep training is risk free, then you really ought to read some of the current research. Because it's becoming increasingly clear that it isn't, and by a long shot.

Even the people who've come up with these sleep training schedules say you shouldn't try them before 6 months. Some even say 12 months.

Infants aren't meant to sleep long stretches of a time, it goes against their survival instincts. So while it is stressful and exhausting, it is normal. And for a lot of people it helps to know that it is normal when you're surrounded by people who claim that babies should sleep 12 hours from the day they're born. One of the studies in the links I posted found that only 16% of 6 month old babies sleep through the night (5 hours!).