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Original poster

Please stop a vampire from being carted away to the loony bin....

45 replies

CountessDracula · 05/06/2006 13:21

dd is 3.8

From the age of 8 months until recently she has always settled herself very well at bedtime. She went into a bed when she was 3 and everything was fine until about a month ago when she started playing up at bedtime.

It has now got to the stage where she will prevaricate and faff about for ages asking for more milk, then another kiss and a cuddle, she has got into this thing of wanting to count to twenty before I go, but she will get to 19 then start again....

I know it all sounds rather pathetic but I have tried SO hard to be firm with her, last night I just said "right that's it, I'm going downstairs now, you can stay up if you want but I don't want you coming down", she got totally hysterical and was grabbign at me then started coughing until she was sick

Now I feel like evil monster mum and maybe I should be sitting there for bloody hours with her, I don't know. It is taking up to 2 hours for her to settle and IT IS DRIVING ME FING MAAAAAD. I can't relax, I can't cook supper as I know I will be up and down the stairs (or dh will) and I can't just walk out or she will spew everywhere exorcist style

I have tried bribery, star charts (which have worked before) - I am going to have to resort to drugging her or something if she doesn't bloody stop it (not really obv!)

WHAT CAN I DO???

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FioFio · 05/06/2006 13:25

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Original poster
CountessDracula · 05/06/2006 13:25

yes I do leave her to read on her own then after 5 mins is

Mummeeeeee
Mummmmmeeeeeeeeeeee
MUMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I NEED YOU I NEED YOU

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FioFio · 05/06/2006 13:27

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Original poster
CountessDracula · 05/06/2006 13:27

But I would be there for hours!

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puddle · 05/06/2006 13:30

What's triggered it? Is she getting less time with you in the day and so wanting more time at bedtime?

Is she having a nap in the day and not being tired enough to sleep?

is it summertime and the room being lighter?

Can you restructure the routine so that for eg faffing with milk means no story?

Norah · 05/06/2006 13:30

Sympathies CD - my dd is doing just the same and she is 5.5 !

I haven't completely solved it yet - but I say to her "I've got to go to the loo/down to put the dinner on/down to phone someone - then I'll come back and see you - but only if you don't shout out while I'm doing it" - sometimes works, sometimes doesn't ! I always hope she will be asleep by the time I come back - rarely is - but at least it has stopped the constant calling down !

Another thing I have tried is giving her story CDs in her room and asking her to listen to them. Again it sometimes works !

I THINK it is the light nights that is throwing mine out of routine ! Also have added third layer of blackouts - to no avail really though !

Let's hope it's a passing phase ! Otherwise I'll be joining you in the strait-jacket !

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 05/06/2006 13:31

ds1 goes through phases of not settling. We lock him in his room (with a see through thing) and ignore him. Tried everything else and ended up chasing him round the house at 11.30pm. He's fine actually- he know that once the barrier goes up he doesn't come out unless he needs a poo (fools us by making i need a poo noise sometime then runs around the house manically laughing), but he doesn't expect us to go up to him.

Difficult if she's making herself sick though.

How about being allowed to call you back 3 times, then a reward for not calling again. DS2 tends to respond pretty well to that sort of thing.

Original poster
CountessDracula · 05/06/2006 13:38

hmm yes that sound a good idea, put a limit on the number of times I will come up

I'll try that tonight

Norah I have tried all that I'm afraid, even my dinner is burning so I will have to throw it out but she doesn't seem to care Sad

Shall I order two long sleeved coats then? Grin

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Original poster
CountessDracula · 05/06/2006 13:43

anyone else?

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threelittlebabies · 05/06/2006 13:51

Will be watching this thread closely, saves me starting one exactly the same! DS also 3.8, sleep has gone totally to pot. He doesn't generally need us to stay in the room, but it can be hours before he gets off to sleep- worrying if he has to be up early. We've got into a vicious circle of him not going to sleep until very late, being an absolute pain the next day, falling asleep on couch when my back is turned then not wanting to go to bed until late etc etc etc.

Last night he was up at 12.30 ("I need a drink of water!"), 1.30, 4, 5 and then at 6 he woke his sister up- I was livid! So order me one of those jackets while you're at it SadGrin

RedZuleika · 05/06/2006 14:10

Is she afraid of the dark / monsters under the bed / murderers in the wardrobe...?

I used to deliberately wet the bed when I was little, because I was too scared to get out to go to the bathroom. (Not as little as your daughter, either).

Just a thought...

bootsmonkey · 05/06/2006 14:15

It's a nightmare isn't it CD - I've been there!! DD was about 3yo at the time. The one thing guaranteed to infuriate me is the trudging up and down stairs a squillion times whilst trying to cook tea & relax after work. Tried everything including ignoring (lead to full on hysterics) shouting at her (ditto, both her & me!), handing over to DH (ditto - only I would do). It was when I went back up to repeated 'MUUUUMMMMMMEEEE's to be met with 'erm...' when I asked what was wrong that I realised it was a bit of a game and a control thing for her along the 'Look what I can make mummy do and if I push this button she goes absolutely mental' lines! I think the two things that worked were that we dropped her daytime nap ergo she was really knackered come bedtime and after the book/cuddle/song/whatever bedtime routine I would adopt a very calm neutral voice and slowly back out the room repeating 'it's bed time now, goodnight' to every request for another story/drink/kiss. The only one I would give in to was that she needed a wee. Combined with sticker chart for going to bed nicely without any fuss, it slowly worked over a week/10 days. I also said that I would check on her, when I had eaten dinner/went to bed. She is now 4 and has her moments, but is MUCH better. HTH & Good luck! It is incredibly disruptive for the evening relaxation otherwise. I used to dread bedtimes and feel like the worst mother most days. Remember the mantra - 'it is only a phase' and it does pass!

JILS · 05/06/2006 14:33

I've been there too. My DS has slept through the night since around 4 months and we've been through viruses, teething, moving house,etc without any disruption to his sleep. Just before his 3rd birthday, he began having nightmares and would wake screaming about 2 hours after going to bed. Would settle hime and he'd go back to sleep. Then he began to delay going to bed, getting up during the night (for up to 3 hours!!), waking up early and wanting to start the day (5 am!!) This began (coincidentally?) with the clock change at the end of March and lasted around a month. We were very tough on him and just kept putting him back into his bed, hoping he would get the message that there was nothing exciting to be up for. We also started taking away a toy for every time he got up and he hated that!! He had to earn them back by staying in bed. He's back to sleeping around 12 hours and stays in his bed in the morning until we go in around 7.15pm. I really sympathise with you, lack of sleep is horrible!

LadyCodofCOdford · 05/06/2006 14:34

cnat you go out and leave her wiht a hard nut mate
< cod raises hand>

i ahve dont it for a mates son

LadyCodofCOdford · 05/06/2006 14:35

when teahcign we were taught for kdis who asked a lto fo quiestions to limit their numebr of qs they coudl ask atht e beginnign of the lesson.

trya story tape so she has to listen to that

LadyCodofCOdford · 05/06/2006 14:35

AND dont be scared of herbeing sick
tell he if she is sick sh will have to tidy it up herself
leave a songe nad a bucket

she is QUITE odl to be manipulationg you

Cappucino · 05/06/2006 14:40

cod it's really a pity she doesn't have a cupboard under the stairs Grin

will there be carbolic soap with that bucket?

Original poster
CountessDracula · 05/06/2006 15:22

she is quite old to be manipulating me? What does that mean? Are they supposed to do it younger? TBH she has never really been a prob before, maybe she has delayed manipulativeness development Grin

Sorry cod but I can't be so mean as to leave her to clear up her own puke she is only weeny Sad

Re leaving her with hard nut, she is FINE for everyone else, her nanny, my mum, mil, sils etc.

RedZ she does purport to be afraid of the dark and now wants her light left on (this is half the prob I think) I am going to get her a proper nightlight this evening in the hope that will work.

JILS we have had 5am waking with this too. No idea why, her room is dark.

bootsmonkey I will try the calm voice (have done lots before tho)

Cappucino, now you come to mention it I DO have a cupboard under the stairs.... Wink

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FioFio · 05/06/2006 15:23

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Original poster
CountessDracula · 05/06/2006 15:30

Cod you wouldn't really do that would you?

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Cappucino · 05/06/2006 15:36

I can't speak for cod (who can?) but I imagine she meant that the bucket would show the child that she wouldn't get attention by making herself poorly, so not to try it

of course you couldn't get a child to do it, because they wouldn't do it right

Feistybird · 05/06/2006 15:44

Not exactly the same problem as you CD, but until very recently, DD2 (3 and a half) would wake me every night round about 3 in the morning and refused to settle unless she slept with me. This went on for 2 years.

The solution wasn't anything out of a book, I just told her that she would get some choc the following day if she stopped waking me (snacksize, after nursery). I told her she must pull the covers over herself and go back to sleep. That she could only wake me if she was poorly and that I would know if she fibbed. At weekends, I used parties, swimming, ballet, whatever (i.e. she wouldn't go)

For 3 days, her big sis got choc and she didn't. I felt awful, but if worked. I have had the first stretch of full nights sleep for years.

LadyCodofCOdford · 05/06/2006 17:32

sorry emant she is OLD ot be manipulating you abotu sleep
thought most probs were cleared up bythen
yes obv i woudl never make them clear it up( they do a bad job anyway Grin) but sh eisnt as weeny as oyu think cd she will be at school in a year

leave the bucket htere to tell ehr that you arent standing fro it
all day go though how lovel y bed time is going ot be and that you are not putting up with any nonsen or oyu eill have to ring granny and canle her truip as only BIG girls go to grannys

Kittypickle · 05/06/2006 17:57

I ran into problems with my DD when she was 4. Until then she had been a perfect sleeper, so I knew I was going to get it at some point ! Hers started afer a very bad nightmare type thing I think. She enjoyed the attention and then started to play up at bedtime, at one point she wet the bed on purpose to get us up in her room. I told her if she ever did that again she would have to clear it up and I got very very firm with her as she was blantantly manipulating us. We made sure she had everything she needed then refused to go up when she shouted down or get into a conversation. The most she ever got out of us was "it's adult time now" She still tries it on every so often but it's easy to snap her out of it now by being firm .

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 05/06/2006 19:42

I think I know what cod means- kind of it's being done to be theatrical so just don't buy into it. DS2 is the same- can put on the amateur dramatics- actually he's done the I'm going to be sick at the tea table and started retching because he didn't like the food and I'm afraid I shouted "if you dare to be sick at this table I will be very cross" I think he swallowed it Shock. If there's a genuine reason/fear then fair enough, ds2 got scared of the dark around this age- sorted with a nightlight, but I also found that with ds2 it was around this age that he really started trying things on and going into hysterics over almost anything. I tend to use time out as soon as it starts otherwise he gets in a ridiculous frenzy. Once he's sat on the stair he'll listen to what I'm saying as welkl.