Should I be getting my baby to work with MY routine rather than hers?

[Dreemagurl]

My mother keeps saying that my 9 month DD needs to learn to fit in with my schedule rather than me work around hers. This seems counter intuitive to me as we have had so many problems with DD's sleep and I just cant bring myself to wake her up just because I want to do something. Case in point: was supposed to get a lift with my DH this morning as soon as DD woke from her morning nap which usually lasts half an hour. Typically, it's sods law that today she slept for an hour and DH had to leave as he had an important meeting at work. My mother seems to think I should have just woken her but surely if she's asleep it's because she needs to be? She's never been a great napper so I tend to rejoice when she sleeps longer than 30 mins. She also is now just starting to have a longer lunchtime nap but will only sleep in her cot, so again, fairly restrictive in terms of what I can do. Again my mother thinks DD should be 'taught' to fit in with my plans, not vice versa.
Just wondering what others think, really. Sorry for the long post! TIA

In our case we found a sort of middle ground, rather than going for one or the other, usually it had to be tweaked depending on when DS woke up in the morning. DS was a BAD sleeper though, often having several 40 min naps a day rather than one long one so once he started having a long nap in the middle of the day (finally!!) then I daren't do anything to disturb that!

Do whatever works for your family. :)

If you're happy with the way things are then don't mess with it to please your mother.

I do try to ensure ds gets his afternoon nap in his cot at home, but sometimes I do have to wake him early or he has to sleep in his buggy. Most days I work around him now though.

It was much easier when he was a little baby and would just sleep anywhere!

I dislike anything that suggests children should be 'taught' things to make life easier for adults. But having said that, I also think that any rule should be flexible. I have to wake my daughter each morning when we leave for work in order to drive up to my parents' house to drop her off. If she is asleep and we have plans to go out, I will gently pick her up and put her in her car seat. She may stir and wake up or she may continue sleeping.

I wouldn't, however, force her into a fixed routine because life is ever-changing and what is convenient for you this month may not be convenient next month.

I do a bit of both - most the time I go with what the child wants/needs but I have boundaries - they can't sleep for more than 3 hours after lunch, if I need to go out then I will wake them a little earlier or put them down to sleep earlier.

Makes life not so routine based.

I would go down the middle too. In most cases I would work to what my DSs wanted but if I had to do something particular I would wake them or at least try and move them to the car or pushchair without waking them if possible and if not possible then so be it.

So I think your mother is wrong to want to fit your DD into your routine rather than vice versa but at the same time, for a one off thing like taking your DH to work (if it is one off) I would not be worried about breaking her routine. However, you have to deal with the consequences so it is up to you really. Take no notice of your mother and do what you think is best but taking into account your DH as well as your DD.

The minute you have more than one DC you stop even considering letting your whole life revolve around the whims of a baby, and then you discover that give and take seems to make for happier babies and happier parents. That said when I had a BF baby and a toddler I did not have much of an evening social life.

Worldgonecrazy I cannot help but chuckle at someone leaving their child with their parents to go to work railing against children being taught to make life easier for adults!!

With DC1, I went with the baby's natural routine to the extent I could, but did not go overboard with it (e.g. if i had a doctors appointment i would not cancel it just because DS did not wake up in time, and if I had arranged to see friends I would not cancel. Getting used to a little disruption in routine/flexibility is no bad thing.

With DC2, however, I'm afraid DD had to fit into our (in particular DC1's) routines much more.

if, say, you have a school age DC the baby unavoidably needs to fit in with the school run.

howabout given that the alternative to leaving my daughter with her doting grandparents is being homeless or reliant entirely on the state, I don't see what there is to chuckle about. I can assure you there is nothing about working full time since she was 4 months old that makes my life 'easier' other than earning money, and it is definitely not 'easy' leaving her each morning. I'm just thankful I have the support of my parents, I can't imagine how heartrending it would be to leave her with non-family such as a nursery, and my heart goes out to those mums who have to do this. I would love to be a SAHM but life isn't always how we want it to be, is it?

So keep your smug chuckles to yourself.

I don't think that's what howabout meant, worldgonecrazy ...

Thanks jareth I guess it's just one of my buttons. I hate leaving her even though I know she's having a great time with people who adore her.

At least we have it easy in this country, I remember watching a programme about working parents in India who had to leave their children with grandparents for months at a time due to having to work in horrible factories that didn't pay enough, or give enough holiday for them to go home.

It sounds hard...

btw though, it's not heartwrenching to leave DS in nursery, it's just fine (he was older though)

anyway, lets not derail the OP any longer :)