17 mo DD still cries at every nap and bedtime

[ExistentialistCat]

Exactly what it says in the title. We've done some gentle sleep training with her and once she's settled she generally sleeps very well, both at night and for naps. But every time I put her down she cries for 10-20 minutes. Proper full-throated angry/upset crying. I go in every 5-10 minutes and tell her that I love her and that it's time to sleep. She settles instantly when she hears my voice but starts up again when I leave the room.

It's heartbreaking but alternatives don't seem to work. Rocking her, singing or just staying with her result in her not going to sleep at all, or taking over an hour. I have a newborn DD too, so that's just not an option.

She's happy and independent during the day and she has had some non-crying bedtime spells in the past, but never for more than a few weeks.

Am I doing her damage? Is this normal for some children and will she grow out of it, or do I need to change what I'm doing?

I really wouldnt worry about it, although thats easier said than done! My ds2 is the happiest little chap in the world, but he cries when I put him down (unless he's completely exhausted, then he does a bit of a token whinge), and he cries every time he wakes up. He's 13 months and I can't see it changing.

I think she just prefers you being there to otherwise, and thats her only way of communicating a protest. Its not harming her and the fact that she sleeps well is wonderful.

Dont change it if it works i.e she goes to sleep. 15 -20 minutes isnt that bad, it just seems it when its tugging at your heartstrings!

Oh poor you, that must be hard to bear! Have you tried leaving a lullaby thing on? This really helps my DS as he can pull the music himself if he isn't asleep in a few minutes of me leaving. That and teddies and a belly full of milk and sleepiness from stories - really relaxes him.

But I know my 18 month old niece does thesame - 20 minutes crying at bedtime.