When/if you give children or teens alcohol - BBC wants to know your views, please

[GeraldineMumsnet]

We've been asked to talk about this at some ungodly hour tomorrow am.

So can we ask what you think about parents introducing their children to alcohol? Is it a good idea? Is there a 'good' age? (Analogy cited, you wouldn't teach your 12-year-old to drive, so why would you give them alcohol?)

Can you give any examples of how you've gone about it?

And is putting out hard-and-fast guidelines about a minimum age for children to drink helpful to parents, or redundant?

Thanks in advance for any thoughts you care to share.
Gerry
MNHQ

Rule here with almost 16 yr old is either two beers or two alcopops.

Luckily he's not that interested and only goes to maybe one party per month so not enough to do him lasting damage imo.

I think guidelines are helpful. I know that ds shouldn't be drinking at 16 but I'd rather control what he gets than have him sneaking behind my back and getting someone else to buy him a bottle of vodka or something.

My 14 yr old d has had a taste of my organic pear cider (!) and liked it so I have allowed her a small glass on RARE occasions. She is an absolute chicken and scaredy cat however, and I know she wouldn't DREAM of buying any and lying on a playing field in the evening (like I used to...)

I'm not allowing her to taste it as a precursor to her drinking alcohol later on..just couldn't really see any reason to say no indoors, with us, with a meal.

We gave our then 14 yr dd alcopop at new year, she is currently in garden having a sleep over in tents with 4 friends and they all have one regular sized bottle each, She is 15 now (have all parents permission, they all 15/16)

Prefer we know where they are and how they are than wandering round some park getting wrecked anyway as they invariably will.

Agree with Mumblechum, there is a local off licence that we know serves under age children, have told police but stil it goes on.

I allow ds (aged 11) to have a very small sip of wine with a meal. We (sadly) live in a society where alcohol is used to excess, I'd rather educate my child and teach him that a glass of wine with a meal once a week or once a fortnight is OK, a whole bottle isn't. I certainly wouldn't buy him alcohol to consume with his friends. Alcohol shouldn't be seen as a 'banned' thing, it should be seen as something to be consumed in moderation.

In the culture of my original homeland, wine is on the table for every meal, and children can have a watered glass (strength dependign on age). Then it's not a big deal, it's social (rather than solitary/a teenage taboo). DD just laughs at her friends who gather round a can of Strongbow and pretend they are 'so out of it'.

my dc are 5 and 3 so quite far in the future but think since me and dh enjoy a few drinks from time to time would probably allow teenage children to try some but also give education on addiction too

DD1 has had one glass of wine diluted with lemonade (same amount of wine as you'd use squash) on each Christmas day since she was about 12. She is now 15. She very, very occasionally has a half inch glass of Baileys or a v weak Pimms (again, like squash). DD2 is 13 and doesn't like alcohol at all.

As far as I am aware, dd1 doesn't drink at all outside of the occasional sips she's allowed here, though I expect that will change once she starts to go out in the evenings (at the moment she only goes out in the evenings to ice-skating, cinema, restaurant with us or another parent).

I hardly ever drink and dp drinks a few pints a couple of times a month. We were both brought up in homes which allowed us a tiny bit of alcohol as children (didn't stop us both drinking horribly in our youth though!) and think this is a responsible way of introducing alcohol.

Hard and fast guidelines a bad idea imho.

I wouldn't encourage alcopops at all.

Alcohol scares me a lot more than cigarettes.

Our DS1 is 17, almost 18, and the amount some of his contemporaries drink is terrifying. Until recently, we have (almost) never provided drink when he is going out with friends, but now let him take a few bottles of beer as I much prefer that to the spirits they used to (think it was cool to) drink.
DS2 is 15 and starting to get to the age where they have parties and are bringing alcohol. We have not provided any yet, and don't intend to for a while, but that doesn't stop them acquiring it from other sources.

At home, they have had small amounts of things like VERY dilute Pimms on occassions, or the odd small glass of champagne but not as a proper drink with a meal like DH and myself.

Guidelines are unfortunately often only read by those who are careful anyway, not by those who perhaps should care a little more about what their DC are up to.

I don't drink alcohol but DH does. 6yo ds has had a taste of wine when I was cooking and thought it was disgusting. I don't think there is a good age. As children we were allowed wine with sunday lunch and a sip of lager in pubs and I didn't get a taste for it but my sister is a moderate drinker. My vague plan for my dcs when they are older is to allow a sip if they ask, allow a (as in one) drink in a socially appropriate setting from roughly age 13 (wine with meal/champagne at party) but not allow drinking in the street, or drinking outside our supervision and make it known that being drunk is not ok. Plus general education along the lines of its a 'sometimes food' the same way that haribo is.

I think getting drunk in parks is to do with being naughty and not being able to occupy yourself rather than getting a taste for alcohol due to having it at home.

"Analogy cited, you wouldn't teach your 12-year-old to drive, so why would you give them alcohol?"

Not really a valid analogy. For most people (unless farming stock), driving is about suddenly having the full blown experience of being on the road, licenced, insured, in a proper car (so comparable to a triple whiskey). It is not something you gradually build up. A better analogy would be something like weaning where, over time, you build solids/alcohol into the diet but only when the child is ready (so comparable to starting on a very weak shandy).

It all depends on the child. Our eldest was offered some in mid-teens but wasn't keen on the taste. She is now adult and drinks in moderation.
Youngest is much more keen on alcohol and has been since very young (small Christmas tipple). He is now mid-teens and allowed the occasional beer. I would much rather he learnt responsibly at home than sneaked off and did silly stuff elsewhere. I also want him to learn before he goes off to Uni and goes crazy with the 'forbidden fruit' and his new-found freedom.

DH and I are both moderate drinkers and have, I suppose, set an example. Both DC have had friends who liked to neck the alcohol but, thank goodness, haven't felt the need to copy.

Offered mine a glass of wine or beer at about 16. DS very keen rower so rarely drinks anyway, DD just not that bothered. I don't think I would offer alchohol under about 14, but agree better to know what they are drinking at home than have them sneak around.

DD is almost 5 and I would let her taste (e.g. a drop from a finger dipped in) my wine if she asked but would not offer it.

Dh and I intend to let her try small amounts/diluted drinks, again if and when she asks, as she grows up. I hope we will also model responsible drinking for her. We'll see what happens.

ds is 11 and i allow him to have a watered down glass of wine every so often with a meal if I am having one (except mine is full strength ).

dd is 4 and unless she outgrows her allergies soon am unsure when/if i will be able to do this with her.

I don't want alcohol to be a taboo area for them, i was never allowed to be anywhere near alcohol as a teenager and as a result when i got some i drank far far far too much and did incredibly stupid things!!

Interesting amothersplace that our DC are similar: DD not bothered and DS keeps his body 'wholesome' because v. keen on his sport.

I was allowed to try alcohol early on - maybe 5 or 6 - and I think that I turned out ok ;) I only drink it once in a while - usually special occasions, and if dd (7) asks, she can have some. Like dylsmum, I dont want it to be a taboo.

My children are around responsible alcool consumption all the time.
If they ask if they can try some they are allowed, they usually hate it and don't ask again.

I think it is ok for them to know what it is and to decide for themselves whether they like the taste.

The less of a big deal you make of it the better IMHO. that is not to say i encourage them to come and swig my vodka....i dislike sharing of the smirnoff

actually if I had a big field/country estate I would let my children drive around it.

I also have let them have a taste ofwhatever I've been drinking for years.

They see both of us having a glass or 2 of a weekend evening, responsible alcohol consumption in an appropriate place.

That's not to say in a couple of years I won't be scraping the vomit off their faces and putting them in the recovery position to sleep because that's what teenagers do - risky behaviour. I'd rather they didn't but I'm fullyexpecting them to at some point.

Proper drinks I'd probably allow, with a meal & in moderation, from an early age (watered to nothing for under 10s).

I'd never buy anyone an alcopop - the only purpose of them is to make excessive alcohol more palatable to underage or at least very young drinkers. Ugh...what's wrong with a nice snakebite & black?

We have 3 ds all of them are allowed a drink on a special occasion ds1 wont even try it hes 16, ds2 14 is up for it,ds3 is 9 and hes allowed a smidge of lager with lemonade or a taste of wine -he doesnt like it though so a sips enough.

Ds2 enjoys sharing a can of beer with his dad and done in moderation its a pleasant introduction to an adult world.

oh and just to add about the anology to allowing a teenager to drive- I allowed my son to drive my car at about age 4 on a friends farm, obv he couldn't reach pedals so i helped him a little but he had control of steering etc. I would have continued this with him but friends now moved so we no longer have somewhere safe/ legal for him to practice

our 10yo is allowed a taste of what we are drinking but she doesnt like it

others are 6 and 4 and have never asked to taste - they dont like the smell

i hope we model the responsible use of alcohol in our home

i am aware of the research findings that the younger children start to drink regualarly, the more physical harm they suffer and the more likely they are to becoem addicted

i am far more worried about alcohol than drugs. we know of so many teenagers who have been killed/seriously injured/got involved in crime, as victims or perpertrators, while under the influence

i talk to the 10yo and 6yo about the misuse of alcohol. today they were talking about a local 16yo who got drunk with his " mates" , missed the last train home and decided to walk home along the railway line, with tragic results

a friends son was stabbed in the face and lost an eye

another friends nephew was also stabbed in the face and was badly scarred. later he took his own life

My DD were allowed proper drinks from about age 14 - wine/beer/cider - no alcopops as what's the point? (might just as well have lemonade).

They don't like the wine we drink, but we buy them sweetish cider to drink with formal meals (usually get the 2% strength stuff from France(, or 'Petillant de Listel, which is a low-strength wine/grape juice mix.

The message we have tried to give is that alcohol is to be drunk in moderation and savoured for the taste, getting drunk should be an occasional side-effect, not an objective.

DD1 now 19 and at uni drinks very little - an occasional glass of cider. DD2 (16) and her group of friends also do not drink much - one bottle of Lambrini between 5 of them at the last party she had at our house.

Have not offered anything to DS (13) yet.