Russel brand got me thinking

[Mybadcat]

I had an encounter with a man many years ago. He was super popular and every woman fancied him. To cut it short I was absolutely wasted, I remember him having to help me stand up walking back to his house. I think i wanted to go back to his house but as I say I was black out drunk. All I remember when we got back to his house was him lining up a massive line of something I assumed was cocaine and then nothing. I woke up naked aware we had slept together. He was polite and drove me home. Several of my friends found out and as I was not single and I was shamed for sleeping with him. Even though I don’t Remember sleeping with him. I acknowledge now 16 years later this may be rape. I never wanted to say it out loud.

At the margins consent is a bit of a minefield isn't it? I had a somewhat similar experience when I was about 21. There were a few of us drinking. We were all the same age apart from one older person. I don't remember the end of the evening but I became aware in the middle of the night that I was in the floor of a flat with the people I had been with also on the floor or in chairs etc around me. I was also aware that there was a hand on my leg moving towards my genital area. I knew it was the older person. I didn't want the attention, mostly because they were in their 40s which was ancient to me at the time, but I was also curious about what was going to happen next and I started to get aroused. Eventually they pulled my underwear down and gave me oral sex. I really enjoyed it and they were so good at it I orgasmed very quickly. In fact they had a tongue technique which was very pleasurable, in fact I trained subsequent lovers up in how to do this to me it was so good!

After I had come they continued to caress me, presumably they were hoping i'd return the favour, but i had lost all interest in sex with the orgasm and I just said get away from me you dirty bastard, which they immediately did.

My immediate thought was that I didn't want anyone to know what I'd done, mostly out of embarrassment because they were so much older. In the event no one saw, or at least no one mentioned it to me. I just put it down to a learning experience and forgot about it. They had stopped as soon as I asked them to and I had never felt threatened.

So I honestly don't know. They would have stopped if i'd asked them to but i didn't ask them to because I was genuinely getting turned on by the sexual contract.

I don't give it much thought tbh. But your post brought it up for me.

I think most women have been through similar. Chalk it up. Put it in a box get on with your life. I woke up in some shocking states in my youth. I did overindulge in drink and recreationals though.

I was groped by a Blue Peter presenter in Edinburgh in the 90s. . Don’t think he’s on TV any more as he was known for this behaviour. He was charged a few times and went to court but was acquitted. But he was a total sleazebag.

Absolutely he was. And probably still is. His girlfriend stood by him forever playing the loyal nurse girlfriend. Both of them made me feel sick.

Ohhhh. I think I know who you mean!!

Yes was kind of shit. I never reported it because it was just a grope.

sad he never got convicted after so many court cases because he was a predator

The Russell Brand thing. I found him funny in the past. Maybe it was because of ladette culture because of my age. But then later I found him creepy. It stopped being funny. I don’t know how JR got out of it about Georgina B to be honest.
i think because of our age some things were accepted more.

I am sorry for your experience firstly. This is the thing - consent. So many of us in past and many today don’t really even know what consent looks like or is. Similar to you, in past had weird situations, including one in my 20s with a man I was seeing who when during sex I said no stop and he tried to continue, and then stopped, he said what would you have done if I continued. And I said - I would have reported you to the police. Looking back, I sometimes think what the I should have anyway. The thing is at anytime we can say no. And then it stops. And if we are totally out of it how can anyone give consent. I’ll be honest, I don’t think much on what happened to me in past as just stuffed it to back of my mind, which isn’t healthy but I do feel
guilt as think it had reported things - behaviours would be on record should something else be reported. As a teen I recall walking home after World Cup match at around 11pm and a car with a young man stopped, it was in a dark road and he walked over asking me for the time … I knew immediately wtf is this he jumped on me groped me I shouted and told him to eff off and another car slowed down and he ran away into his car. I never reported it or told anyone - til a few years ago. I was wearing a mini leather skit and high wedge heels and part of me thought - my fault. I know it wasn’t that’s what thought then.

Now I really feel and hope there is a huge campaign to educate us by gov, like what happened after adolescence Netflix, in consent.

"as he was known for this behaviour"

I think that says it all for the "celebrity" and other classes..and no-one did anything (or little) about it

Ahhh! I know exactly who this is. He did the same to a friend of mine in Edinburgh in 2001 although to be fair she thought it was funny as she was pissed. He girlfriend AT was there at the time.

Thank you for sharing your story. xx
i actually spoke to a older female relative today about my thoughts and experience as I’ve expressed previously.. This woman is 85 years old.
She said so some man put his penis in your body/ vagina without you being aware or agreeing…. Yup. And that’s what I hate. I didn’t know or welcome his penis into my body. When I spoke about it in slightly medical, bare, crude language it seemed more real.

So my body MY BODY, was violated without my knowing. How is there any further discussion…

I almost was going to agree with you. But no. Fuck that. I did not consent or willingly agree to some man putting his penis in me. And that’s is the line. I will not CHALK IT UP. I’m allowed to feel pissed off and angry and violated. Regardless if I was drunk I did not welcome this rape. If you choose to accept your circumstances that is on you. Thank you for the wake up call and very articulate message.

JL?

A quick Google search suggests that this a possibiity.

A

• Later Life: His television career was heavily impacted by sexual assault and misconduct allegations in the early 2000s and subsequent years. He maintained his innocence and was cleared or acquitted in subsequent court cases, including a major acquittal in October 2020. In recent years, he has worked in property development in Edinburgh. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6]

Oh, I remember all this now.

Why does TV/entertainment attract SO many lowlifes???

I think it's possible to do both. You can rightly feel furious and upset about being violated. But unless you still know this person, you probably will have to chalk it up to experience. Sadly, what else can you do?