Have I been pleasuring my husband the wrong way?

[Wowwee1234]

Bit of an embarrasing one.

Married for years. Can't have standard sex at present so suggested we have a hot shower together. Was pleasant enough but OH said I 'rubbed him raw'. We've been together ages but it seems I don't know how to pleasure him properly.

Help!

It can be different with water - you'd expect it your had to glide but less so. Use lube, and as always... communicate!

In a shower, you could use soap, shower gel or shampoo, and give it a thorough wash at the same time.

Soap based products are widely reported to dry out skin. Something like E45 or Epiderm might be a better shower "lube", and you might want to consider those that do NOT contain bactericides (not all bacteria are bad).

Probably best done in bed together.

Sex in a shower is, ime, a nicer idea that it is a reality. There's usually only room for one of you under the warm water, so the other one gets cold, and, if you're having piv, the water will tend to wash any natural lubrication away (just out of interest, the same is true of piv in a swimming pool). If you were having piv, then that might result in him feeling a little tender (but you seem to have come out of this unscathed)

Also, you were probably in an unaccustomed position, which might put friction into places he doesn't normally get it. If you keep at it, he'll eventually get callouses, and you'll both be golden...

use unperfumed shower gel as lube as the water will quickly wash away anything natural.
Are you prepared to go down on him in the shower? Gets rid of the taste but your face will be in the water.
And probably do not take pointers from porn - that is erm, 'vigorous' for the camera and way too rough for normal men.
I would suggest starting in the shower and move to the bedroom.

We discovered that in middle age a man might stop producing the lubricants along his shaft under the foreskin. They need to be replaced by common sex lube or Dermol. Saliva works well.

@OhForTheWeekend
"Are you prepared to go down on him in the shower? Gets rid of the taste."
Please can we move on from the outdated idea that (clean) genitals, be they male or female, might taste unpleasant. Such narratives are subjective and only perpetuate shame around sex.

@KatyKan
"in middle age a man might stop producing the lubricants along his shaft under the foreskin."
The penis does not secret "lubricants" in the same way female genitalia do. The majority of pre-ejaculatory fluid produced in men comes from Cowper Gland, which is an internal structure, NOT under his foreskin.

There is no 'shaft' under the foreskin, there is only the glans. Any pre-ejaculate produced by a man comes out of the urethra and is spread from there onto whatever it touches: vulva, vagina, foreskin, shaft, hands, sheets, pillows, wallpaper and chandelier...

@Emptyandsad Chandelier? 🫪

But you accepted the wallpaper without question...

Use whatever is close to hand. Surely everybody keeps the unused rolls of wallpaper under the bed? What else would you use to trap all the dust and harbour spiders?

I would get some sandpaper and see if that gives him the ick. Check he's even got any libido left in him

Andrea Dworkin would be proud of you. ✊️♀️ #allmenare...

this is nothing to do with cleanliness (they're in the shower!), some people just don't like the act.

Your original post cited "the taste", implying that initself is problematic.
You're right - some people don't like the taste of their partners genitals, just as some people don't like the taste of olives or coffee. The difference is that no one gets shamed or denigrated for the taste of olives or coffee.
There's a well established, misogynistic perception that women's genitals taste unpleasant and perpetuating that, even under a gender neutral banner, does nothing to move society forward in terms of equality.

yes fair point - 'taste' was the incorrect word. I'm not going to get into a bun fight about the rest of your post.

If taste was the incorrect word, what's the right one?