Weight and sex

[AutumnBarbie]

In the last few years me and my partner haven't really being having sex, children, busy lifes the usual but in the last 8 months I've been really wanting it, possibly peri.
So, we've been having sex and a lot of it, touching each other whenever we have a chance, kissing each other.
I lost some weight during the summer (MJ) but couldn't afford to keep it up but in a couple weeks we are going to have spare money so I told him I want to go on it again.

We had sex later and after it he said, "when you lose weight you'll be able to get on top of me again that's my favourite position."

Really not sure what to think about this.

Bump

You’ve had children don’t be so hard on yourself x

I was reading a thread elsewhere which shocked me how one half of a couple did no work being intimate. In my 40’s being active I feel the winner.

I’m the bigger one out of me and my current, I wouldn’t feel comfortable getting on top but we really haven’t know each other long enough and have no real history.

Only today I kept the current partner in cold water outdoor pool for full
2 hours non stop swimming they were begging to get out despite all the advance protests they could stay in the water for hours, I’m not sure they will be making such claims in future as I had to listen for quite some time how ill they felt. Good to get my own back as fed up of hearing fat people having no energy/can’t move/are drain on society. I try and be active everyday.

I love this for you, it sounds amazing.
For me it was a cold hard shock. I am horny all the time, I initiate, I want him.
To hear him talk about my weight minute's after we had sex was horrible.

Congratulations on enjoying your renewed sex life, I would not take the comment to heart, it was probably a throw away comment.

Misplaced encouragement from him imo.

Are you unable to get on top of him now?

If you were discussing losing weight with him then I would see this as part of the conversation and if you mentioned losing weight, I can’t see anything wrong with him mentioning you losing weight and him looking forward to something you may not have been able to do recently.

No that's the thing that threw me, I've never had any problem being on top!

Then why didn't you say that in response to his comment?!

I did and he said he didn't mean it like that.
Just seems a pity, I've been so confident lately and enjoying sex. That bubble has burst.

You know the best way forward?

Get back on the bike and ride.

It is definitely easier with less weight, more manageable. At least he is still interested in you even with extra kilograms.
Would you be still attracted if he had some more kg? Some of my friends dont enjoy dripping sweat.

I don't understand. You want to lose weight, and he is trying to encourage you by agreeing with you and telling you how things will be better. You're reading his encouragement as judgement.

What's he supposed to say when you say you want to lose weight? 'I'm not bothered'?

Tbf he said pretty much exactly that when I talked to him about it.
But yes, I would have preferred "I'm not bothered"!

He has lost a significant amount of weight in the last few years, I was/am attracted to him regardless.

I don't want to argue with you, because I'm sure your upset is genuine. But he obviously still finds you attractive because you're having sex.

I'm overweight - I've been putting weight on since my wife died and i dont feel great about myself. But if I was trying to lose weight and my wife had said ' I can't wait until you're light enough for me to throw you over my shoulder and take you to bed' I'd have been delighted and encouraged, thinking that she still found me attractive - and would find me more so when I had lost some weight

I just think this is a misunderstanding. He's trying to be supportive and because you're a little insecure about your weight, you've taken it in a way that he didn't intend. You could do with having a conversation about this where you both concentrate on explaining your feelings to each other and not being defensive/accusatory. Both of you, him included, so that you understand each other and know that you both care about each other

What?