How common is it for couples to discuss masturbation openly?

[Blueyismandatory]

Ok long term mumsnetter. Came accross this board after google search out if interest There are lots of threads about madturbation on here!!

Context: married 15 years together 20. 2 children under 11.

So i caught my husband madturbating for the first time yesterday.i was working weekend and got up before him to shower. Had left towels downstairs so nipped out with shower running and there he was at it.

This led to a conversation where i learnt more than id dome for years. Id presumed he did if and i did too. We occasionally did it during sex but we NEVER spoke about it.

He said:

• he does it 3 to 5 times a week!
• he has never caught me but knew id done it once as id left a toy charger out
• he was reaĺy upset by this as it was jusy after kids and we hadnt had sex for months but left it as i was tired and allowed to do whatever i want

Summary of discussion was that i need to accept my husband has a slighltly higher sex drive and after 20 years this bit of our life needs focus.

Got.me thinking

1. how common id it to be caught by your partner? I cant believe ive not done it before at 5 times a week for 20 years!

2. how many couples have spoken about this? In many ways its bonkers we can tell each other anything but after 20 years i didnt want to tell him i masturbate.

Not saying its a breakfast conversation - just mad most couples leave it be

I have never caught my husband, but my friend did. I posted about it before. I got really angry for no real reason.

this led to a very open talk about masturbation, and like your husband mine self pleasures nearly every day. If I leave him alone in the house, it’s the first thing he does! I then told him about my toys, he was surprised I had more than one and he’d never seen them.

the conversation was actually really good as we both understand each others drive and desires more.

Lock em up lol

We don’t discuss it, I have no idea how many times a week my DW does, maybe I would be shocked too! Neither of us have ‘caught’ each other in 25yrs

Together?

I think the private and embarrassing nature of the act means we all partake when it is safe or at least behind a lockable door!

The husbands or the toys?😆

The husbands, but that might be a whole extra fantasy

We've been together 8 years and we both masturbate. Whilst its out in the open and we're very honest about it, its not something we often talk about. Not because its a no go area, just because there are usually other things in life.

In regards to being caught, I suppose I've caught masturbating in the bath a couple of times and I caught her masturbating whilst we were staying in a hotel in Evesham.

My DP do talk about sex quite openly what we like and dont like, boundry setting.
Its good we can talk and does make for an enjoyable sex life.
He has caught me masturbating at times its sometimes if i have ear buds in and dont hear hes around. Hes ok with it and the same with me. We respect eachothers privacy as sometimes its a private thing, we just have a giggle about it

Goodness I masturbate privately but also in front of my partners if they are not up for it if a night I don’t hide away. I just see it as a natural need for our bodies.

I don't hide it but I can't say it's an open discussion other than during sex. I think everyone masturbates so I don't think of it as a big issue.

I do wonder when I read about sexless marriages, if both or one people are secretly doing it and whether the sexless marriage also means this is off the table too? Is there no sexual contact at all?

No their private parts
There’s a thread about it on here somewhere, it focuses their attention on you.

Interesting

The language used here says everything.
“caught him masturbating”

suggests you feel it’s something to be hidden.

had you have said “walked in on him masturbating” it would be quite different.

im single now but this was an open topic in my marriage. I wouldn’t just tell him I was off to do it but sometimes would first thing before he woke or last thing once he was asleep. Or when in shower. He might notice and join or just mention later. No big deal. Same vice versa. Always an intimate chat if we did discuss doing it individually.

it was a big deal when he was wanking to cam girls in living room when I was cluster feeding tiny baby upstairs.
not why he’s my ex obvs but still not helpful!

We do discuss it openly. I think the subject is one which is usually an embarrassment or shame so therefore it's taboo. But I think it's important to talk about it, especially if our sex drives are out of sync

No idea.

I keep being told I can just tell the boyfriend (whom I don’t live with) to stop self masturbating daily, as that’ll solve all problems - where on earth does one start with that, beyond your just the dumped boyfriend.

Hate it. Know why I’ve been happy to live alone for last two decades.

Cant believe some couples do it openly with other next to them or in house (not as part of sex).

Whilst im sure my husband needs this - nothing dusturbs my bedtime book reading

Im sure its like any sex act its individual preference and turn on. I know some stuff people see as quite normal I would never do but ive been watched masturbating and found it a turn on I would repeat

When I first met my now wife many years ago we had THE chat. Ground rules if you like. She said " you can do IT as much as you like but don't expect me to watch " ( There were other things on the acceptable / not acceptable list. ). I was taken back as it wasn't something I was into.
My previous girlfriend had put on a memorable display for me, she enjoyed showing off and I enjoyed watching. What I didn't realise at the time, the experience was as much an education as it was a mutual turn on.

Never caught my wife, but I have learned to have replacement batteries ready for partner play.