Time for sex?

[WonderingWhyThisTime]

Something I have always wondered is how people find time to have sex. I'm slow to get interested, so having sex probably takes an hour and a half or so. I keep reading about people who have sex daily or even more than once a day. How on earth do they find the time to fit it in around jobs, life admin and (if relevant) children? Or am I particularly slow?

This isn't a live issue for me at the moment but it's something I've wondered about for years.

Sex also takes ages but - Don’t live with my partner ( and don’t plan to ) - so it’s as and when really

@WonderingWhyThisTime , May I ask. Have you always been slow to get involved or is it a change, like after childbirth?

Always slow. It's actually improved since having children, but that's partly due to stopping using the Pill which had drastically negative effects on me.

Sex is an extension of an emotional connection and expressing love and desire for both of us. I was never a ONS type of person, neither is my DP, we both need the connection to be sexual.
So when single I could go a long tine without sex and be fine, not miss it. Yet with DP I miss it if its been 12 hours 🤣🙈

Not sure how to answer your question but we have two children, DP works two jobs I work one, and we have sex at least once a day. Sometimes its quick and passionate, other times slow and with a different kind of feeling.

Obviously we arent doing it all over the house! We do it in bed, night time and morning....so of course there is time?!

I guess for us, work, taking care of the house and children takes maybe 14-15 hours a day, often more. I have no idea how we'd manage to find a "spare" hour and a half a day for sex even if we wanted to.

I've always wondered whether people who have frequent/ daily sex are:

(a) people with masses of free time
(b) people who don't have things like hobbies or socialising they want to do in their spare time so it's all available for sex or
(c) people who don't take a long time to have sex. I'd always assumed that I was normal in it taking an hour and a half minimum but maybe I'm not - that was one of the things I was wondering about.

Like I said, it's not a current issue for me, but we've had occasions in the past where one of us wanted to increase the frequency but that wasn't really possible without dropping some other commitment or missing out significantly on sleep as child-free time is hard enough to come by as it is.

as @OneShyQuail says it can be passionate and meaningful and not take very long.
Life without spontaneous 'quickies' would, for me, be life with something missing. BTW, we have a secluded and private area in our garden.

Maybe it's me. It takes me aaaaages to get interested enough to even want to have sex, let alone be somewhat lubricated etc (I do use lube as well). A quickie would just be painful and unpleasant for me, I'd imagine. Never tried doing things quickly as DH has always cared about my pleasure as well as his.

I am sorry that you suffer pain during intercourse, I apologise for being light hearted about it.

We usually have sex every day on holiday when we go just ourselves which is once or twice a year. I actually love this time, as you are right, work and the stresses of daily life can get in the way: Other that that it is 3 times a week but two rounds each time. We both work from home a lot which makes it easier when there are no dc there. I get turned on very quickly so I’ve never had any vaginal pain so we’ve had quickies but they don’t tend to be the norm.

Obviously if you are suffering from pain during intercourse this makes everything else irrelevant amd needs investigating.

To answer your other qs:
A) we dont have masses of free time, DP works two jobs, including evenings and weekends as well as days, two children at two different schools, loads of hobbies running them around after school etc
B) we socialise with friends occasionally maybe once a month each.....our hobbies are inside the house as we have no money after weve paid for kids hobbies 🤣
C) i mean an hour and a half is a lot! But weve had sessions like this sometimes, usually two rounds though and other things not just constant PIV

I only experience pain if we don't take long enough for me to warm up & get interested. Hence it normally taking an hour and a half. Maybe I'm unusual in this regard and other women just warm up faster?

Sorry if tmi, have u tried lube?

Are u or he doing things that turn you on first? Im terrible sometimes Im "warmed up" as you put it if im washing up abd he kisses my neck 🤣🙈

So do you start getting intimate when you don't even feel like it? I'm struggling to understand.

I can only speak for myself but if I start getting intimate it's because I feel like sex and therefore already feel turned on. An hour and a half would be way to long for me.

I can't imagine starting to get intimate if I didn't feel in the mood. It would be like eating if you don't feel hunger.

Thanks. We have always used lube. DH does prioritise things that arouse me (as opposed to him).

If we waited to start until I felt turned on beforehand, we'd literally never have sex. It takes a lot of uninterrupted physical closeness before I start feeling even remotely aroused, which is why it takes so long. I'd describe myself as a sexual responder rather than an initiator.

With your food analogy, it's like not feeling particularly hungry, but then having my favourite pudding put in front of me. Without seeing / smelling it, I just wouldn't be bothered about eating, but my appetite responds to the food being there.

I can be interested in eating if my favourite pudding is put in front of me, but if you hadn't put it where I could see / smell it etc, I wouldn't be sufficiently interested to think about eating.

@WonderingWhyThisTime you have reactive sex and that’s fine and perfectly normal. We are all different ❤️

Okay, I understand. So you do enjoy sex once you get going ?

Do you find it difficult to relax and switch off? Do you have any endocrine issues that could impact oestrogen/testosterone levels?

Maybe its just how you are although 1.5 hours of sex does sound a long time to me, but then we're all individual.

How does your DH fit into this? Does he think 1.5 hours is too long or is he happy?

Ok so he is doing his bit so to put it lol 🙈

Food analogy is a good one too, nice explaining!

Everyone is different, and sex drives are very transient, im under no illusion that at any point I could stop wanting it so much. I understand why you dont have the "time" that others maybe do.

What time do you go to bed / sleep? Could you go go bed earlier a few nights a week?

Yes, lack of sleep is definitely something I struggle with!

I've had various tests for things like thyroid etc but all come out as normal. I sometimes enjoy sex when I get going. Sometimes I get aroused but don't climax, which just leaves me feeling frustrated. I definitely do find it hard to relax & switch off. DH would probably rather it didn't take so long but has never complained. We did do a couples' course to help women with low libido, but we never finished it because life kind of got in the way, DC got older and it became really difficult finding time for it (just like sex in general).