Should I tell hubby about my vibrator?

[girlfromyorkshire]

I had a few sex toys when I was younger and used a vibrator regularly but at some point they died or got thrown out. It's been a good few years and I have missed having one so a few months ago I mentioned about getting one to my hubby and he said to get one if I needed to use one, but didn't seem too keen.

I did get one and have been making good use of it since but haven't told my hubby about it yet and was not planning to keep it a secret. Just wondering how or if I should tell him and what may be the right moment? I didn't think it was one for the breakfast table to say 'honey, by the way, I started using a vibrator' 😂

Would he not be interested in using it with you?

But we don’t know whether the OP wants that.

As to whether the OP tells her husband, nobody knows her husband and his likely reaction better than her. She is of course entitled to some privacy. Me and toys are part of a package, although my preference with toys is solo play.

Fair comments all round. I know my OH has a couple and uses them herself and we use them together, as you said though perosnal preference is more important

You've mentioned that you planned on getting one, I don't think you owe him any more info than that. From him unenthusiastic response it's possible he'll take it as a personal criticism that you need one. Save his delicate ego and the inevitable sulking and only tell him if he asks about it.

I'm not sure, I would expect so he just didn't seem too excited about me getting one. I wouldn't mind using it with him but it's really for me on my own to enjoy, I just don't want it to be a surprise if he happens to see it or find it.

How about you "accidentally" let him find it or catch you using it and see what the reaction is ...

That sounds a recipe for disaster to me. If things were that straightforward l doubt if the OP would be posting in the first place.

As an aside, why do so many men feel threatened by a functional piece of equipment? It’s often either that or them wanting a floor show.

Definitely don't let him accidentally find it. Be open and tell/show him you have it.

While I can't relate to you DH's attitude I think the issues is he was unsure and you've already bought one that you've been using which again you choice I have zero issue but I can see that he might be unhappy from the gist of years on MN.

I think you are better sitting him down telling him that you need/like or whatever is the truth a vibrator and that you are going to buy yourself one. Then deal with his reaction because if you have already done it and kept it from him I can see how this could make the situation worse.

For what it's worth if you do buy a new one and introduce it a bullet or a suction toy maybe good way to go rather then something phallic or penetrative as is maybe less of a threat to his masculinity or whatever. Just a thought

Personally there all good fun but maybe I am an outlier

As a man I have no idea as to why so many feel threatened. All the women I have been in LTR have had them including my current partner (we are engaged) have owned and used toys alone and as part of our sex lives together and it has never bothered me in the slightest, and yes the floor show as you put it is definitely fun to watch.

Maybe some men just still can't handle the thought that women can have fun without them or they are paranoid they are not satisfying them enough?

I’d be wary of a man who felt threatened by a vibe. Ideally, he’d use it with you, and be ok with the fact you will use it alone sometimes.

Introducing it during sex might help, try ir as a bit of a joke at 1st, try it on him

Some men will some won’t - you are just generalising really

Did you give him any impression that you would be open to him using it with you?

Generalising when you only know the information presented to you is normal.

🤣🤣 err no that’s absolutely wrong -

generalising is making a broad statement from very limited data set and applying it to much larger data set or group

How about keeping quite about the one you have for now, and asking him to look on line for one, maybe suggest he look for one he can use on you, At least then you could gauge his reaction. I know this would be a massive turn on if my other half asked me to do that.

Buy one that can be used for both of you (i.e. one with a sleeve attachment for him)

Pretty sure I have seen this film

It’s the wrong order. You should get a vibey before you get a husband. Both are liable to break though.

l can’t imagine not having a vibey or 3. Sister bought me one as a secret birthday present when l was back in my teens; never been without. The little Durex Bullet goes everywhere with me in my makeup bag.

Pretty much the same for me, it seemed to be the thing when I was younger getting invited with sisters / aunts etc. to an Ann Summers party and back in early 2000's it was the Rampant Rabbit that everyone was getting.

I've always used a vibrator since then and have tried various ones and my husband have never had any problem with this, in fact he loves watching me using toys but also knows I use them and masturbate on my own also.

Most men I think would love to have their female partner use a vibrator but I guess there are some that don't also.

I have only owned two vibrators in my life and my husband bought both for me. Some men I have noticed are funny about sex toys as they think their partner will prefer the toys to them, this has never happened for me. My toys are a substitute when he is unavailable but my husband is always my first choice.

You should tell him at some point, just say you need to talk about something. If he finds it or realises your using it things will be worse. My DP knows about mine, and we sometimes use it together. He doesn't know exactly how much I use it on my own though !

You can tell him to give you a massage, and get the vibe out after...to use on you. Assert your own agency. Don't be waiting for a guy to figure things out